sick of feel poor when we are not, give me a slap

[Blackmouse]

thought id come on here for a good pasting as im annoying myself

we live in a wealthy area, and everyone surrounding us is basically way better off financally

we have a nice three bedroom house witth a lovely garden
dh works ft im a sahm with a baby and older child
which i feel v lucky to be able to do
we have enough to be able to afford holidays and days out and meals out etc
dont really need to worry about what we spend in supermarket

most people i know round here have much bigger houses
and more money to spend
most of them are older i guess
so think thats the main difference is,and im guessing here, they probably bought houses before we did, we bought our first house 2001, so before prices went crazy, but for a lot more than it would have cost if we had bought even three years earlier
age 21 and 22
so if most of them are older say a good five to ten years older
they probably bought their first homes for a real steal

yet i'm always feeling poor
its totally pathetic i know
im even annoying myself

i guess this is one of the downsides of living in an area like this

perhaps i should actually think of moving

Do you think a half empty personality is something you can actually change? I've always been half full and feel I'm really lucky with my lot in life and having a half full personality.

I think you reap what you sow.

Rather than looking at the other people and seeing what they have which is better than what you have - try and look at the reverse - no-one has everything.
I am relatively well-off - but a lot of the reason is because I work long hours and see relatively little of my DC/have zero spare time. I have family members who are constantly complaining about my finances compared to mine but without appreciating what they have in return.

I don't know anyone who bought in their early twenties so you are much better off than others your age - you are comparing to the wrong people.

you have made a choice to be a sahm- if you wanted to work and earn more money you may be able to get a big house -but frankly you don't want to do this so stop whinging

You are very fortunate to have this lifestyle whilst being a sahm. Dh and I both work and do not have holidays, regular take aways, meals out, flash cars etc. We bring lunch to work every single day. Our dc do not attend any clubs after school/weekends.

I understand that a person will always want more once there is more to have.

I grew up in poverty, we were fed well, had clean clothes but lived in a poky council flat with no holidays, after school activities or family car. We were pitied by people and it affected the way I view money.

On marrying I was happy moving to a house, any house with a front gate and back garden. After several years I wanted a nicer home and road with a suburban feeldownstairs wc/garage/off road parking/two reception rooms.

I pass houses on nice tree lined roads probably similar to yours and wish I lived there. The cars are usually brand new with immaculate front gardens.

I have a few friends who live in leafy suburbs in affluent areas and I feel like I am in a different world when I visit them. My area looks grim in comparison.

I am not satisfied with my current lifestyle. Some days it depresses me and other days it is the driving force for me to move forward.

romy75 I am not satisfied with my current lifestyle. Some days it depresses me and other days it is the driving force for me to move forward.

without the hunger you would not move forwards so i have started to see the downside of ambition(?) as a vital part of the motivation.

This is the sort of thing that if everything else is good in your life, then you start thinking of this type of stuff.
If someone in your family suddenly becomes ill, thoughts of this nature fly out of the window.

So, yes, as others say, count your blessings daily. And go and live your life.

No, can't feel sorry for you either. I hope your DH is unaware of your feelings.

Given everything in life you have is because another adult is funding it, it's a bit rich to yearn for more when not willing to lift a finger to help.

happyMummy I knew you wouldn't be able to resist!

OP - you are not poor. You are not even close to being poor. You do appear however to be suffering from a poverty of compassion and empathy if you think for one minute that your lifestyle as you have described it equates in any way to being poor.

I dislike the phrase 'get a grip' but in your case I think it applies. Or maybe, I don't know, 'get a job' might be more appropriate?

It's human nature to compare yourselves with others but you don't really know what anyone's financial situation is. You might be better off than your neighbours for all you know. Also, not everyone who is wealthy chooses to flash the cash, live in a big house or drive expensive cars.

I'd start to think of wealth in different ways. You can have lots of £££ wealth but be time poor. You may have a fantastic relationship with your DH, your DC etc - not everyone has that. A big house can never make up for those things.

Guitargirl

I think you've hit the nail on the head- getting a job of some sort would be the way forward I think.

from a TED talk "It's not happiness that makes us grateful; it's gratefulness that makes us happy."

OP, I understand. I earn a good salary and we live in a nice area in a nice house, blah blah blah...BUT...

I just happen to work in a place with mainly by wealthy-to-very-wealthy people. Sometimes I feel poor as a church mouse and can get quite low about it, but then I take a reality check and give myself a metaphorical kick up the arse.

It's easy to be envious as you become complacent about what you have. We have a lovely home, 2 children in private school, a couple of holidays a year, the children do 2 activities each, we have savings, 2 cars and are in the top 2-3% of earners. However, many of our friends have houses double the size of ours, kids in private schools, 5* holidays 3-4 times a year flying business class, brand new Mercs / BMW's etc etc. sometimes it's hard to put it into perspective. 2 things spring to mind. One mum at school, glam, brand new range rover (on credit she told me) fabulous diamonds (family jewellery) huge house (bought 20 years ago) confided to me that it was all an illusion - the house is on the market and they had to ask the school for leniency in paying the fees and it wasn't the first time. Secondly, my youngest went to the local pre school rather than the fancy pants overpriced nursery school my elder kids went to. Then I realised how bloody lucky we are. It's all about perspective and a dose of reality never does anyone any harm.

Guitargirl - I 100% agree with you.

Also - going ot try and start tomorrow as a new day with a new attitude

what's wrong with changing that attitude right now?

I guess at the root of feeling poor there are many deeper issues OP isn't prepared to share with us.

Pushing it off till tomorrow makes me believe that really this is another slogan, like feeling poor

Haven't read the entire thread so forgive me if im repeating.

I'm the opposite to you in that i do not live in an affluent area and am 'rich' in comparison to my neighbours. We own our house and most of the neighbours houses are council properties. We both have jobs and many of our neighbours are on JSA/income support/pensions only. We have 2 cars and many of the neighbours don't, etc etc.

However, I'm currently on MAT leave and am only returning to work PT. As a result we wont have much disposable income going forward and have cancelled our Sky subscription, gym memberships, will sell 1 car, be much more frugal with groceries/holidays/general treats and so on. We are by no means rich and in comparison to you are poor.

BUT we are happy with our situation and our choices as we have food in our bellies, clothes on our back, good friends and families, and have the security of pensions and owning our home. For us, that's enough.

YABVVU and boastful do you know how fortunate you were to be able to buy a house like you describe at 24 & 26 and to have the lifestyle that you have now? Of course you do that is why you posted here to get your ego massaged. Is it any wonder people and the media misjudge this site with posts like this??

My husband and I have all you describe at 28 (me) and 35 (him), and we thank our lucky stars everyday there is no way we would ever consider ourselves 'poor' how could we when there are families who can't afford food and heating!

perhaps part of my contentment is that I want none of the following:

Sky TV
spa days and beauty treatments
gym membership (I have a front door and working feet)
flash car (an old one gets me from A to B)
take away coffee - tastes better out of a mug in my own front room

and so on..

and I don't have to go to an office any more. That is worth more than many diamonds.

Five things to be grateful for:
*having a roof over your heads
*food to eat
*clean clothes to wear
*your health, your dh's & dc's
*living in a relatively safe country

"Given everything in life you have is because another adult is funding it, it's a bit rich to yearn for more when not willing to lift a finger to help"

How very patronising this is. I am a SAHM but my dh wouldn't be able to go out and work and live the life he leads if I wasn't there to support him. We are a team. We both sit down at the end of the day absolutely knackered, each from having a hard day. I understand that I am in a privileged position in that I can stay at home (although actually I couldn't afford to go back to work) but I also contribute to our household.

Oh come on. You need to adjust your attitude.

I live in Fulham. I'm literally surrounded by millionaires. I've never been the tiniest bit jealous of the people who have so much more money than me. I consider myself very privileged with all I have. Like someone said above, excess money doesn't make people happy.

I've always found this useful tool to make me have a word with myself when I'm feeling poor compared to our friends.www.ifs.org.uk/wheredoyoufitin/

If anyone is above the 50th centile on that, you've got nothing to complain about! You earn more than half the population.

If you're in the bottom 25% then come back and tell us and I'll give you some well deserved sympathy.