sick of feel poor when we are not, give me a slap

[Blackmouse]

thought id come on here for a good pasting as im annoying myself

we live in a wealthy area, and everyone surrounding us is basically way better off financally

we have a nice three bedroom house witth a lovely garden
dh works ft im a sahm with a baby and older child
which i feel v lucky to be able to do
we have enough to be able to afford holidays and days out and meals out etc
dont really need to worry about what we spend in supermarket

most people i know round here have much bigger houses
and more money to spend
most of them are older i guess
so think thats the main difference is,and im guessing here, they probably bought houses before we did, we bought our first house 2001, so before prices went crazy, but for a lot more than it would have cost if we had bought even three years earlier
age 21 and 22
so if most of them are older say a good five to ten years older
they probably bought their first homes for a real steal

yet i'm always feeling poor
its totally pathetic i know
im even annoying myself

i guess this is one of the downsides of living in an area like this

perhaps i should actually think of moving

i suppose my problem is greed really, because what i would ideally like is our current lifestyle but in a big and luxiourious house

but we cant have everything, everyway

if we moved to a larger house then our lifestyle wouldnt be so comfortable

perhaps im wonder what i should do, so thats why im thinking like this

im not really bothered about clothes or fancy7 cars

Hey, Blackmouse, you are NOT an idiot - I hope you don't think there was any trace of that in my post as I didn't mean that at all, truly.

You are talking to someone who is the Queen of Greed, honestly, but my limitations are very real (prob a good thing, if I won the lottery I would be a nightmare!)

It is human to want more, of course it is, and that isn't wrong, its just ambition and that's what makes things happen. Only if it's making you truly miserable is it a problem.

What do you think the bigger house in poorer area would bring? Would it bring happiness? I know for me, I 'need more' when I feel something 'else' is missing - spiritual / connections / relationships etc
Are you happy in that part of your life (I don't mean your partner btw, I just mean in the community, voluntary / charity work / church / school links etc)

Could you get a job?

i would be a nightmare if i won the lottery, i would probably go bonkers

i dont think a bigger house in a poorer area would make me happy

i don't think its making me miserable
hopefully its good that im aware i do have these negative feelings
so i can try to do something about them

i did have a major breavement two years agoi that i still struggle with and will forever really
but i do'nt think its because of that, but i will think on about that

My heart is breaking for you.

I don't think there anything wrong with not being satisfied. I am one of those people and whatever I have I want more/better/faster than I have now.

I like a challenge. I don't want to be satisfied with anything I do. yearning drives me forwards. I don't have regrets about the past as I do what I can but the endless desire helps me to a better future.

but you need to be realistic and appreciate what you have and the simple joys around you. I walked down my road this morning and thought 'I live in paradise'. there was a blue sky and the birds were tweeting.

i could get a job, but i would really rather me a sahm atm.
and i know im v v lucky to be able to make that choice, but i wouldnt trade being able to sah with a mansion let alone a bigger house

thats why i know im being a well in my words an idiot

An amazing friend of ours brought round four bags of shopping the other day out of the blue. Fresh chicken, potatoes, milk etc , and then four packets of biscuits. All Mcvitites. Jammy Dodgers, Chocolate Digestives, that type of thing. It was the biscuits that did it.

As I opened the cupboard and looked at a half pack of tesco super low price 33p crappy digestive biscuits, that have been there three weeks because they have to last, we can't justify buying biscuits, I literally started sobbing.

Seriously. You are not poor. You need to get a bloody grip! I've had to raid my wardrobe this week to sell on the local FB sites just so that I can buy DD some nappies.

Holidays? Days out? Meals out? What are they?

Come and spend a day with us, and you'll feel richer than your wildest dreams sadly.

Yes there is one thing that makes me happier than anything else right now, and it's seeing the sun come out after months of grey skies and a seemingly endless series of coughs and colds, and being able to go and hang the washing out in the garden, instead of having the kitchen full of airers full of wet clothes.

I think you can learn to get a feel for those kinds of little joys, and also maybe this is something that happens more as you get older, and learn from experience what actually does make you happy.

In our twenties, we had a small flat and barely covered our mortgage & food. We lived on a bag of potatoes for a week.

We are 40 now, and are lucky enough to have a lovely house. We cannot afford the life we have now and for me to sah. You make your choices, and you are still very young. Things change...

yes i think i need to get get back in touch with nature
more outdoor stuff

Needaninsight

there are billions of people in the world who could look at what you have and think you are not poor and you have nothing to be sobbing about.

you are just doing what the OP is doing.

We all feel like thin sometimes.

We have never been so skint and I catch myself doing it sometimes and give myself a (imaginary!) slap.. My sister has moved into a big house. MOANS constantly. Turns out her area was far more important and she's just filled it with more crap and struggles to clean it (I know!) Can't for the life of me see why we all feel so 'entitled' these days.. Was it the 90's 'I'm worth it / get it on credit' attitude what did it?? My mother sometimes had to make chilli con carne with corned beef as she couldn't afford the mince. We knew no different and I never sat and pondered about how shit my life was.. It was a happy childhood.

I love my little house. Once the big toys and buggy are gone it'll be a palace again.

What I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up for getting the green eyes now and then - but try not to!

X

Oops! *like THIS

Im so sorry for you OP. It must be so hard.

Have you thought about selling a kidney to raise some more dosh?

I'm going to get flamed here but if you want more money op...get a job! - like everyone else has to.

And Radishes is totally correct.

As a kid, you appreciate the natural world so much more.. Maybe that's why I didn't give a rats ass about my Hi-Tech trainers ;0)

Was having an AWFUL day with DS on Tuesday and dragged myself to the park out of duty because it was sunny. 10 little ducklings and DS shoutind 'cheap cheap' and 'Mummy duck!' turned it right round!!

You will always get people slapping down an OP like this with sarcasm etc., that's because it is horrendous being really poor.

But there are scientists devoting loads of time and money to studying this very phenomenon - why getting richer doesn't (above a certain, quite modest point) make people happier and why people just want more than what they have, and want what they see others having. It's normal, and interesting. Plus OP knows it is daft.

But not everyone feels that way.

Most if my friends are richer, go skiing every year and somewhere sunny or tropical.

But I don't envy them or feel hard done by, I think I sm very lucky and count my blessings every day.

I am not a saint, it is not something superior I do or feel, I guess I am just wired differently? I know lots of people, like me, who are happy with what they have too.

Why are others not content with their lot?

Mystery of life?

Were you poor when you were growing up?

fwiw, I read once that Cherie Blair said once that she will always feel worried about money because of this.

Appearances are deceptive
You don't work and could be comparing yourself to a two income family
You are not poor

Hth