to think attending Tough Mudder isn�t a sensible idea

[JustforthisAIBU]

NC for this but will probably still out me in RL.
Completely out of the blue DP has decided to sign up to Tough Mudder which is later this year. If all goes to plan our first DC will be 6 weeks old when he competes.

He isn't particularly fit and doesn't partake in regular exercise, he has a physical job but would be out of breath after running for 5 minutes or walking up a steep hill for example. He has never visited a gym in his life and I imagine a 12 mile military obstacle course would be very difficult for him. He said he will start improving his general fitness before the event by running every other night etc. I question if he will want to be embark on a new fitness regime after working FT on very little sleep. Obviously neither of us have experienced the early newborn days yet but I think we both need to prepare ourselves for weeks of horrible sleep deprivation.

It costs 95 to attend plus additional expenses of at least 60 for travel, parking, food and drinks. We are currently 'comfortable' with our income but sometimes funds are stretched, by the time he attends the event I will be on SMP and he will have received 2 weeks SPP. I already have real concerns about how we will manage the household budget whilst having such a reduced income for 9 months and have been frantically saving as much as possible. 150 will be a lot of money then even if he doesn't think it is now.

He also said he would stop drinking while training, I did stifle a laugh at this - wish he would be this supportive while I'm abstaining.

Normally I would be very supportive that he wants to pursue a new activity / hobby, we could both do with improving our fitness and I would offer to go jogging with him for some moral support if he wanted but I can't help thinking the timing is shit and this idea lacks common sense.

So tell me, is my hormonal pregnancy brain taking over and not seeing this in perspective? AIBU?

Can you afford to throw the registration fee away, because I'd bet pound to a penny that he'll bail on going and will never do it. Separately to the event, have you sat down together and gone through finances for maternity leave yet, or had it been just you?

Tough mudder is really tough, tbh. A friend of mine did it last year and to prepare (he already jogged regularly) he had to completely overhaul his diet, train every other day -a mixture of runs through different environments (mud, sand, dry trails, wet) and weights/general fitness - and be really quite committed.

It looks great!

You do need to work out your overall budget carefully (separate issue), but I hope things aren't so tight that there is nothing left over pocket money. If he started foregoing other things he does (other hobbies, drink on way home from work - all in the name of training, of course) would that make a decent inroad into the cost? He needs to start saving from his pocket money now, and identify other ways he can save for his event.

Does he already have suitable running shoes etc?

95 is the registration and insurance fee, we can't afford to throw it away now never mind when the budget is stretched and I'm on SMP. I deal with the household finances on a day to day basis but he knows how much of a reduction we will be facing and I have been reining in the spending where possible now (food, luxuries, meals out) so hopefully the adjustment is easier when the time comes and we have some savings put aside.
I just can't understand where this has come from, he laughs at runners in the street ffs! Also he has knee problems and is seeing a consultant and physio. He thinks he can just wear support bandages and it will be fine

It looks tough, especially for someone so inexperienced. The electro shock bit sounds particularly nice.
We could just about afford it, if he could reduce spending on booze then the money spent on that could easily be put to the registration fee. He doesn't have proper running shoes so that would be an extra expense.
I don't want spoil his fun and ambition but I am concerned he hasn't thought this through. I don't think I would be prepared to go running every other evening after a newborn had kept me awake. But perhaps that's just me, maybe we will be lucky and get a sleeper (yeah right)

YANBU.
My team pulled out last year after somebody in the US died when doing the walk-the-plank obstacle. Decided that no matter how fit we were, it just was not worth the risk.

How long away is it? Sounds like it could be the perfect chance for him to get fit and as long as its not in the next month or so then it should be doable.

I also know an extremely fit chap, lifts heavy heavy weights, does HIIT four times a week etc, less than 10% body fat, who struggled to finish a Tough Mudder. It's extremely punishing and needs complete commitment.

My YD did this last year and she has been running seriously for a couple of years, she trained really hard and took part in several less strenuous events before she did the Tough Mudder. She did complete it but said she probably wouldn't want to do it again.

I would recommend that your DP looks at taking part in something with less obstacles and much cheaper to start with, he's really jumping in at the deep end and not doing anyone any favours.

Perhaps if you encourage him to look at other races instead it will make him be more realistic and realise you are supporting him.

I did hear about the death justkeep and numerous other injuries, I'm a worrier so trying to block that bit out, people die running half marathons and all kinds of fitness events so I guess it was just an unfortunate incident. (the waiver participants need to sign is a little unnerving though)
To be fair it is in 4 months away so he does have plenty of time to prepare, just the 6 weeks before that might be a struggle. If he wanted to do the event last year I would think it a brilliant idea

I do various sports and am amazed at the amount people fork out for the tough mudder. If he wants to get muddy and lost he could go orienteering or fell running much more cheaply and build up his general fitness and improve his navigation. It seems to appeal to moneyed macho men, I think they like the name as much as anything.

He'll need to start training NOW; you can't get the level of fitness in 6 weeks. And by then his routine will be so engrained that he should be able to keep it reasonabky together even in the mad new baby days.

But they run several events a year. Could he do a different one? It may increase the travel/admin costs if he goes to one further away, but also could give longer for him to save up and to get fit enough.

I watched Tough Mudder last year. It is completely mental. My DH is fit (gym 3 times a week, done a half marathon) and it was still mental. I very much doubt your DH will actually do it, tbh. A nice 10k run in under an hour would be a much more sensible goal!

Hmmm. DH has done a few of these (and has a friend who is obsessed by obstacle events, Tough Mudder is just one, and has done loads). I would not say either were spectacularly fit, and DH doesn't train for each event much. He doesn't drink through and he does cycle everywhere and swim several times a week and in the past we've done loads of endurance events together (lots of mountain marathons). I suspect that underlying endurance and a certain 'soddit' mindset are more critical than a muscular physique for these things.

So if it was just should your DH go for it even though he isn't fit now I'd say yes why not. But he should start building his fitness and his ability to cope with a grinding slog now.

But the 6 week old baby? Probably a bit unrealistic! You will both be knackered, you may feel a bit pissed off if he leaves you to go and do a sporting event soon after the birth (and if the baby is overdue and you have a c-section etc you may not be ready to drive so you might still need him around a fair bit). DH did go off to events when DD was small but I don't think he did anything far away that summer, because he'd have been too shattered, and anyway the weekends were for being with her.

If he wants to challenge himself there must be literally hundreds of running, cycling and swimming events that be cheaper to enter and be much closer to home for him to participate in. DH and I mainly do local fell races now and they cost very little to enter and only take a morning. Other friends who are now parents have taken up cyclocross, open water swimming races etc. None of us want to get comfortable but massive events are less attractive than they used to be.

He definitely doesn't fit into that category TimeFor he could do with improving his general fitness (as could I) I'm just not convinced this is the best thing to start with.
As I mentioned he has knee problems, which have also become ankle and hip problems. I worry he could seriously injure himself by taking on something so strenuous. (And if he has weeks off work on SSP we will be skint and I will be pissed off that I am left to do most of the childcare and driving, yes I know I'm being negative and selfish)
Elliptic I will have another go tonight at trying to persuade him to try something else first, he was very keen on TM I pointed out my concerns but I don't want to piss on his ideas. I don't know anyone who has done it so wanted some perspective from others as to if IABU or if he is being over enthusiastic

Oh dear, he's having a pre-baby panic and trying to fit in everything he thought he might do while young and child-free, or, given there isn't time, something symbolic of that.

He almost certainly won't do it, because he'll be too tired and have missed too much training after your baby is born.

He may be trying to kid himself that having a baby won't affect his life. The only way that's going to happen though, is if he opts out of being a parent and leaves everything to you. Is that really his plan and one he'll admit to? You need to talk about that.

By all means he could get into running and do some cross-country and fell running. Plenty of mud and challenge. Much cheaper.

He needs to talk to other dads of young babies. That might change his perspective.

Haha 2rebecca "It seems to appeal to moneyed macho men"

My thoughts too, he isn't really particularly the 'type' hates football, doesn't enjoy going to the pub with 'the lads', hates all sport in fact. He does work in a male dominated environment though and is planning to join some of his colleagues.

Penelope it's the baby bit I am worried about, he did point out it's only a day but I can't help imagining him coming home from work late then leaving me 'holding the baby' while he goes off training for a few hours. I imagine this could build resentment from me especially in the early days when everything is new and scary. As you rightly point out births are unpredictable who knows what state I will be in physically and emotionally at that stage. Perhaps I am being dramatic and over thinking this.
I'm wondering if this is some sort of pre-baby crisis

Lottie it did cross my mind that this is some type of last attempt to do something for him before he becomes a parent. I'm happy for him to do something similar, like join a running club once a week or jog through the local bog if he wants to.
If his plan is this "The only way that's going to happen though, is if he opts out of being a parent and leaves everything to you. Is that really his plan and one he'll admit to? You need to talk about that" I would be out of the door before he could say Tough Mudder. But I don't think it is, he is excited and saying all the right things about being a parent but he has a history of lacking common sense about things. I do also think he is buying into the TM 'brand' rather than the idea of a fitness challenge

My h did tough mudder when I was pg with dd1...it was almost certainly a pre-baby crisis which made him decide to do it (though he does run & enjoys competitive events). He has a good level of fitness generally, a runner's physique & finds running easy but didn't do much (enough) specific training for it.

He broke his nose & injured his knee...in my hormonal pg state I thought he was sure to die! He enjoyed it but was happy enough when I said he isn't allowed to do something like that again without a good deal more training beforehand. I think it was good for him to get it out of his system!

'I'm wondering if this is some sort of pre-baby crisis'

It does sound like that. And that is OK. It is pretty rational to freak out a bit when we think about how much our lives are going to change when the little one arrives.

The last thing I'd want to do is piss on his chips and say don't do any event, especially since it is one that will help him get fit. He'll have a toddler to run around after soon so getting fit is a pretty good idea. It is just the timing, cost and effort of the one he has chosen that make it sound like a bad fit.

Maybe you could gently say this doesn't seem right but you'd really like to encourage him to do something like this and he could post to a forum like Runners World or Singletrackworld for suggestions of other events that might bridge the gap? Or look at the websites of charities he supports and see what events they already have sponsored places in and suggest he applies for one of those?

He's probably being naive about how much work newborns are, rather than actively plotting to leave all the parenting to you. It's more that when it comes to it, the only way one person gets 'time off' is if the other person covers.

Dads especially often don't seem to realise how much they are going to adore a new baby and not want to be away from it, before it arrives. That's partly why talking to other (nice) dads of babies could help.

Agreed penelope I've been freaking out on a daily basis, I quite like my life the way my life is now!
I wouldn't put my foot down and tell him that he can't do the event as that wouldn't be fair and he would rightly end up resenting me. I think I will try and suggest he looks at another event nearer that is a bit gentler to build his fitness then perhaps look at doing TM in 2015 if he is still keen. Not sure how that will go down, he seemed pretty determined last night but we shall see. Thanks for those ideas too I think he might like the idea of a sponsored event to raise money for charity so I will have a look to see what's near to us.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

I will try and think of a few Dads we know who he could have a chat with and put him off explain the enormity of looking after a newborn from first hand experience.