to think attending Tough Mudder isn�t a sensible idea

[JustforthisAIBU]

NC for this but will probably still out me in RL.
Completely out of the blue DP has decided to sign up to Tough Mudder which is later this year. If all goes to plan our first DC will be 6 weeks old when he competes.

He isn't particularly fit and doesn't partake in regular exercise, he has a physical job but would be out of breath after running for 5 minutes or walking up a steep hill for example. He has never visited a gym in his life and I imagine a 12 mile military obstacle course would be very difficult for him. He said he will start improving his general fitness before the event by running every other night etc. I question if he will want to be embark on a new fitness regime after working FT on very little sleep. Obviously neither of us have experienced the early newborn days yet but I think we both need to prepare ourselves for weeks of horrible sleep deprivation.

It costs 95 to attend plus additional expenses of at least 60 for travel, parking, food and drinks. We are currently 'comfortable' with our income but sometimes funds are stretched, by the time he attends the event I will be on SMP and he will have received 2 weeks SPP. I already have real concerns about how we will manage the household budget whilst having such a reduced income for 9 months and have been frantically saving as much as possible. 150 will be a lot of money then even if he doesn't think it is now.

He also said he would stop drinking while training, I did stifle a laugh at this - wish he would be this supportive while I'm abstaining.

Normally I would be very supportive that he wants to pursue a new activity / hobby, we could both do with improving our fitness and I would offer to go jogging with him for some moral support if he wanted but I can't help thinking the timing is shit and this idea lacks common sense.

So tell me, is my hormonal pregnancy brain taking over and not seeing this in perspective? AIBU?

Statistics demonstrating what is normal are not horror stories!

Do you have other family close by who would enjoy spending time with you and the baby while he goes to Tough Mudder/trains? I only ask this because I had an emergency c-section but DP still went training a couple nights a week. I actually enjoyed the time with DS or family and friends came round. I wouldn't have wanted to deny him the training etc because it's something he enjoys and he had things to work towards. Yes, those first 6 weeks are hard but perhaps you could compromise? It's not like it's going to take up all his time away from you and your baby, and you're right, he probably will be tired but it doesn't mean he can't do Tough Mudder or train for it. In fact, you might find that the exercise keeps him more alert.

I've got a friend who's competing in this, her team have been training for months (from a starting point of very little exercise). She is doing regular obstacle runs, mud runs, strength training etc etc. Doesn't look like something you would want to get into if you were unprepared...

Tell him to join the long-distance cycling association instead. Their events are just as hardcore, but only between £3 and £6 to enter and you get a cup of tea for that too.

My husband did this last Sunday...to put in Context he competes in ironman triathlons (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride and then run a full marathon takes him 13-14 hours) he found it hard and 2 people in his team did not finish and one needed to see medical team as dehydrated. I would say go for it if he can seriously improve his health and fitness but if he doesn't and competes he will injure himself or not finish it is not for the weak hearted (d now wants to do the ultimate tough mudder course however he has spent £400 entering this years ironman contest plus other marathons/half marathons so for time being its a no)

OP, I'm sorry but I do think you're overthinking this. On the day of the event itself, you and the newborn - presuming no major problems - can go along and watch. It'll be fun.

And in terms of training, it's not going to take over his life. Even at the peak of training, when he'll be running 10 miles or so, he'll only be our of the house for around an hour and a half - and he can do that while you and the baby sleep.

This seems like a great time for him to cut out drinking and socialising and get fit. And I can understand why he wants a big event to aim towards.

If you do have a difficult birth and things don't according to plan then ok, you can change plans for tough Mudder. But don't rain on his parade now -why not encourage him in his training in the hope that all will go smoothly?

The feeling at the finish line, of having completed that, and then holding his new baby in his arms, will be fantastic. I was quite tearful after my first post-DS race, I really felt I'd achieved something.

if you look on the tough mydder website they have a training plan for all fitness levels, get him to have a look at that and see if he can commit to it.

My ex did this, and everyone told him he was being woefully naive about how much preparation he needed to do for it. He started running a couple of times a week six months beforehand and worked up to doing about 12k, but regularly didn't bother for a couple of weeks at a time, carried on drinking stupid amounts... I didn't expect him to finish it but I didn't bank on him being the stubbornest bugger in history. I think he finished it just so we couldn't say I told you so! Couldn't move for a week afterwards.

I had to go along to spectate/support, the week before I gave birth, with a six year old to look after too. Never again, and no way in hell would I have gone along with a six week old. Nor would I have allowed him to do it leaving me at home with the six week old, as I was so sleep deprived at that stage I was a danger to myself and others!

Is he doing this just to fit in/impress the blokes he works with?

He sure has picked a fine time to do it!

I dont think your concerns are selfish OP, you and the baby should take centre stage, I think I'd be rather pissed off if my partner had decided to train for a grueling event just when I needed him to be there for my big event

My DP suggested doing tough mudder, think we must be around the same sort of dates as well. I had to put my foot down and say no. It's just not realistic, he'd have to be out training a lot in the run up which would leave me alone either heavily pregnant with our first DS, or with a newborn and DS. He's more than welcome to have a go at it next year but it's out of the question for this year.

grumpyinyorkshire just hopped on to say was delighted to see mention of the Bob Graham round! I found out last year that a man i sat next to at work for a while (contracting) about 14 year ago who said he "did a bit of fell running at the weekends" was the legendary Mark Hartell....

Standingonlego - wow! And what an understatement!
I would love to be fit enough to do the Bob Graham. But alas, as a local fell race as already almost killed me, I doubt I'll ever reach those heady heights.

Sorry to derail thread...

Apologies for derailing too - but could not let that one pass without mention :) As you were folks...

YANBU.

Given his existing level of fitness he's going to need to do a lot of training. And doing a lot of training is not really compatible with having a newborn.

My DH does a lot of these kind of events and is generally fitness obsessed. He's under strict instruction not to schedule any in the few months after our baby is due.

Training for an event can become a bit of an obsession (I know I have been that obsessed person myself) - I know from experience DH gets upset if anything gets in the way of training. I have visions of us being up in the night with the baby and DH getting stressed that he'll be too tired for his 15 mile run or whatever. Or of him getting home from work, me being desperate for a break from a crying baby and him being desperate to get out to the gym. Not a recipe for a harmonious household!

YANBU.

Now is not the time to take up a time consuming hobby. His life won't end because he has a child, but some things may need to pause for a bit while you find your feet.

Both my dc wouldn't be put down for the first 12 weeks of their lives. By the time dh got home from work I was desperate for a break. There were plenty of occasions when it would have been ok for him to take a run, but there were also a lot of evenings where I needed the support.

I've done Tough Mudder before. It was, well... tough! But great fun. He will need to train and YANBU that the birth of your child will not be an ideal time. However, it's perfectly possible to fit training around working full time and young children. I got up at 5am to train as it was the only time I could fit it in. I was tired, yes but cest la vie.

It's not that bad. Like I said, DP did it when DS was a newborn. Training takes about one hour 2-3 nights a week and the day itself is just one day. It's possible and should be encouraged. DP isn't a fitness fanatic. He's not what you'd call athletic looking but he does these events all the time.

I'm a runner and a mother. I can see it from both sides.

It is very possible to train for a 12 miler over 4 months. Most half marathon training plans are set over 12 or so weeks anyway but extra effort will be needed if starting from rock bottom.

The hardest part for him will be the first month as he will have to force himself to run initially. Listening to music or running with a friend can help. Once he can run three miles (which might take 6 weeks), he will find the running a lot easier.

Id ask him to delay his application for the run for a month to see how his knee responds. Running on the flat and off road may help with his joints. He may decide to run the 12 miler next year and instead do a 6 miler this year?

He should have a good idea about how his training is going a month in. Work out how much alcohol he will have to give up and for how long to pay for the entry fee. Discuss this with him. Don't take the money from anywhere else.

To run 12 miles he basically needs to run short runs three times a week plus one long run a week. The long run will be very short to start but will need to elongate. Towards the very end he will need to do one two hour once a week. The other three weekly runs might be 45 mins/one hour.

By the time the baby arrives, he will be in full flow and addicted to running. Going out for a run every other day will be a nice small break mentally and physically. Being only a short length of time, I think it'a ok to do something small for himself even with a tiny baby at home. It's not like he will going to the pub for hours on end.

You need to agree how the runs will fit into your days. You could request that he does the run early evening after giving you a n hours break. OR he could do it at 6am to get it over with

I do think you need to be more supportive. I have seem several friends take up running and make life style changes even with very complex busy lives.

I agree that reading about it it's only 12 miles and looks less strenuous than a long fell race (ie Borrowdale or Ennerdale or The 2 Breweries not something like Bob Graham which is a different league entirely) and with no navigational challenge. I suspect the high DNF rate is because people entering long fell races usually train properly for them and usually build up to them via shorter fell races where as tough mudder is full of usually inactive folk who've done a bit of training and are doing it for a laugh.
A friend of mine who's an orienteer and hill runner did one and finished in the top 3 and said it wasn't hard just a bit weird.

At his fittest, in four months time he will need to have 3 weekly runs of 45 mins/1 hour plus one longer weekly run of two hours. Initially all the runs will be very very short though.

Yes just want to second enjoying watching a race with my newborn. It's really special!!

i also ran a charity run when my first born was 8 weeks and it was such a high coming over the finish line to see everyone supporting me plus new baby.

Just to re-iterate I really don't want to dissuade him from taking up a new hobby or getting fit, it's just the timing of this particular event which isn't ideal.
We had a look at the training schedule on the TM site last night which recommends following their schedule 3 x per week and an additional 2 x cardio work outs per week. He disputes this and thinks walking back from work once a week (5.5 miles) then building up to jogging will be more than enough to prepare. He can't do any squats or lunges due to his knee problems but does have good upper body strength due to his job. He also used to go climbing once a week but stopped a couple of years ago due to injuries. He doesn't think he will need to do any type of squats during the event I think he is seriously deluded if he believes training once a week will be enough but I have no experience so...
I found a similar event which is closer to us (10k obstacle course, not as intense but lots of mud) which is on in 8 weeks, I suggested he and his workmates could have a go at this first as training and also to gauge the prep required before committing but he isn't interested as he only wants to do TM. He doesn't want to look at running clubs/ hill walking/ cycling either. I really do think he is buying into an expensive brand.
If he does just work out once a week this will have minimum impact on me and the baby so not as bad as I feared but I do think he is underestimating this which could lead to injuries or dropping out, however perhaps he is right, some people on here have said is isn't such a big deal.
Anyway I have asked him to do a bit more research about the training involved by looking at forums and contacting people who have done it before paying 95, and also suggested he speaks to his physio & consultant to get a medical approval beforehand. I think this is reasonable.

Trying to answer questions -
Grumpy I won't be going with him to watch, I think it's a bit much to take a newborn to that type of all day event. If he needs to train as much as I think he will (which he obviously disputes) then I don't think it will be the case of him going running for an hour or two while I have a sleep with the baby. When he gets back from work I imagine will want someone else to hold the baby while I bathe/cook/cry/try and feel normal for an hour

Fruitbat No I don't think he is trying to impress work mates, he doesn't usually go with that type of thing and the more he tells me about it seems it was his idea and the others are now getting cold feet due to cost

Someone else asked about his drinking too, I guess he spends approx 15 per week on booze so saving that would easily be able to cover the cost of the event plus expenses like running shoes, (which he doesn't think he will need)

I am a Mudder who will be completing my 2nd this June, I am a 35 year old female who has lost 4 stone in the last 19 months and I found it great as motivation, I had paid for it so couldn't back out so I put quite a bit of effort into training and was still under prepared.
This year I have added strength training into my programme to help me and am trying to get my running up to a comfortable 5km, am at 3.25km so far.
It was tough but to be totally honest you don't really need to run much as you almost always end up waiting to get on the obstacles.
I would encourage him to do it if it would help improve his fitness as in the long run it will do him some good and anything he doesn't want to do he can bypass as you get your headband no matter how many or few obstacles you do.

Do not let him buy new trainers for it as that will be a total waste of money as they will be wrecked within the first 2 obstacles, I dumped mine in the mountain of discarded ones as they were caked in mud and I was not taking them home like that!