to think attending Tough Mudder isn�t a sensible idea

[JustforthisAIBU]

NC for this but will probably still out me in RL.
Completely out of the blue DP has decided to sign up to Tough Mudder which is later this year. If all goes to plan our first DC will be 6 weeks old when he competes.

He isn't particularly fit and doesn't partake in regular exercise, he has a physical job but would be out of breath after running for 5 minutes or walking up a steep hill for example. He has never visited a gym in his life and I imagine a 12 mile military obstacle course would be very difficult for him. He said he will start improving his general fitness before the event by running every other night etc. I question if he will want to be embark on a new fitness regime after working FT on very little sleep. Obviously neither of us have experienced the early newborn days yet but I think we both need to prepare ourselves for weeks of horrible sleep deprivation.

It costs 95 to attend plus additional expenses of at least 60 for travel, parking, food and drinks. We are currently 'comfortable' with our income but sometimes funds are stretched, by the time he attends the event I will be on SMP and he will have received 2 weeks SPP. I already have real concerns about how we will manage the household budget whilst having such a reduced income for 9 months and have been frantically saving as much as possible. 150 will be a lot of money then even if he doesn't think it is now.

He also said he would stop drinking while training, I did stifle a laugh at this - wish he would be this supportive while I'm abstaining.

Normally I would be very supportive that he wants to pursue a new activity / hobby, we could both do with improving our fitness and I would offer to go jogging with him for some moral support if he wanted but I can't help thinking the timing is shit and this idea lacks common sense.

So tell me, is my hormonal pregnancy brain taking over and not seeing this in perspective? AIBU?

My boyfriend does Tough Mudder every year and they don't fib it's really tough, so he'll need to train for it!

Maybe your DH is starting to feel anxious about the baby so wants something to focus his attention on to get rid of the anxieties? A lot of people throw themselves into work or exercise when big changes are happening....

Encourage it! Yes, the tough murder is pretty hard, but it's something tangible to aim for. And if he stops drinking and socialising in the run-up, that should cover the entry fee, petrol and some new trainers.

When I was 7 months pregnant, my DH began running as a pre-baby crisis, and signed up for a 10k.
When DS was tiny, he struggled round his first 10k in 52mins.

But then he kept it up.

Now DS is 18 months. DH has lost around three stone, ran a 1:35 half marathon last week and dies fell races most weekends. He's also running a fell marathon in the autumn.

His pre-baby panic changed both our lives for the better. I ran before, and had done a marathon, but now he runs too I'm fitter than ever.

So yeah, encourage him - it could be the start of a really healthy lifestyle that helps you both, physically and mentally.

Honestly - I would be supportive in a mild, non-judgemental way. It's better if he tries and fails, or pulls out and learns that it was an over-ambitious idea. He is an adult and can make his own decisions on this one, he has the same information about the event as you.

It might spur him on to look after his diet and fitness a bit more, or to look for more manageable challenges. But if you try to dissuade him or if you do an "I told you so" it will just breed resentment.

Does sound like a machismo / male crisis kind of thing, better than getting a motorcycle I suppose!

I'm all for fitness but for me extreme events are counterproductive.
I do realize that some people find a big challenge is the best way to get motivated.

My DP has done Tough Mudder, as well as a few others (Survival of the Fittest, Dirty Weekend, etc). He's not particularly athletic but goes for occasional runs or bike rides. He signed up for TM before he did any exercise and then just went along to a boot camp to train. He also has dodgy knees and strapping them up worked for him. He absolutely loved Tough Mudder, said it was the best event he'd done. And from going to watch, it looks like so much fun, I'd actually love to have a go (if it wasn't for the running. Hate running!). I think he'll be doing it again this year.

I took DS when he was a few months old along to one and it was absolutely fine.

Your DP doesn't have to be super macho fit, there's no time limit, and he can opt out of challenges if he doesn't want to/can't do them. You can either go with him (not impossible with a little one) or stay at home with DC, it's only a day after all.

If it's the cost that's the issue then you would need to have a chat to discuss if you can make it work, but I think if you can afford it, and he wants to do it, he should go for it. I was really proud of DP for doing. Quite emotionally proud.

If he wants to do it, and believes that with training he can do it - why are you dragging him down? You don't have to go and watch, he can go and do it and you can stay at home with the baby. The Mudder isn't happening tomorrow, so given that people can train to run an entire marathon in a matter of weeks, why don't you think he can train for a one off assault course?

Have a little faith! It could be the best £90 he ever spends - it could make him more focused on his health for the future and mean he is around longer for the little one.

I don't think I'm 'dragging him down' in fact if it wasn't for the fact we will have a 6 week old (arrival date depending)I would think it was a great idea as I have said earlier.
I have no intention of putting my foot down and telling him he can't do it but I didn't know much about the challenge before posting and wondered if it is as 'tough' as claimed for someone with low level fitness. I am concerned he may not be thinking this through properly and may drop out when the sleep deprivation kicks in and then the 95 would be a waste of money. But yes, it could be the start of a new hobby and healthy lifestyle which would be fantastic, I still wonder if TM is the best thing to jump in to though.

Oh God, relax, its fun, he will get dirty and muddy and be physically challenged. He's not signing up for a tour of a war zone. Its fun! It might just provide the motivation he needs to get fitter, if he's surrounded by like minded people and if you are in a position to, why not go along and watch? If you were both motivated to go out jogging together you would have done it by now.

Tens of thousands of people do events like this up and down the country every week, it doesn't mean they have to have their ulterior motives searched and psycho-analysed.

Chances are he will drop out before the gets to the start line anyway...

I admit I'm on the side of the active, because my family are all really active and DH's family basically just stay indoors all the time and can barely do anything not involving a computer game and tv screen, which I find incredibly frustrating and a bit life wasting, and the increasingly grown up children are always used as an excuse. I know people in their seventies who do Tough Mudder fgs!

Your DP should certainly train for it... My son did one last year. He does run regularly and I suppose is not UNfit,..but he said it was really tough. He absolutely loved it though.
Your DP can drop out at any time - but my son said that if you do this as a team there is pressure to keep on going 'for the team' so some people push themselves more than they should.

So long as your DP does not have a medical condition or is really unfit I think he would benefit from it - My son's team said it was a brilliant experience.... Tough though!

OP, Tough Mudder isn't THAT hard! I know there's a lot of tough-talk around the event, but it's just a bunch of obstacles around a run that's not even half marathon length.

If your DH is determined and starts training now, he'll complete it no bother.

It's not like he's signing up for the Marathon des Sables or the Bob Graham Round.

I really think YABU (but you're pg, so it's more understandable).

I can see both sides of this and remember getting very unhappy with DP's sporting injuries/incapacities when I was about to give birth. Thinking in the long term though it would be great if he can get more fit and active before your child is born as having an active rather than sedentary parent is hugely important in terms of the child's future health. Think that alone might be worth the risk of injury and financial outlay.

If it wasn't six Weeks post due date he'd be reasonable. As it is if dh had done that he would have missed a week of training 4 Weeks before as he had to look after me (and later ds too) in the hospital. Then there is the dreadful few Weeks of no sleep for anyone, which goes on past this event.

Plus there's the not wanting to leave your precious newborn.

I wouldn't get him to talk to other dads though: dh can't really remember it and would claim it was easy and ask going for walks on sunny evenings.

Best start training now then! That is not long period for a non active person to get fit enough to lug their arse round a heavy weight event like that! Or perhaps you could talk him into a similar style event; there is one called Kamikaze which is good. Waist deep mud, nets, slides etc but a shorter distance. I wouldn't totally discourage him even if it is a bit of a pre baby crisis as it could make him healthier in the long run but try and steer him to something a bit less extreme/cheaper!

Oh I also meant to say I'm currently doing the running program coach to 5km. Its supposed to take something like 10 weeks just to be running continuously for 30 minutes without the extra stuff.

My friend did it last year and has entered again this year. She's incredibly fit. Runs marathons and trains every day. She found it hard going & very challenging.

MinesAPintOfTea that's not true for everyone - after starting from rock bottom fitness, after 9 runs over the past few weeks I'm almost down to 30 mins for 5kms. It really does depend on the person.

Meant to add - am hoping to do TM this year, 3 months of training to go, & I only started a month ago

Dh did tough mudder last year as part of a fundraising team. He went to the gym several times a week for 3 months before as well as running most days. He enjoyed it but it was tough and as there were a few of them they all helped each other through. Ie one persons shoes fell part so they shared shoes with him to get up the big wall. Someone dislocated thier shoulder in the electric bit as fell the wrong way.

Yes, minesapint, agree he does need to talk to dads of babies, who are still doing the difficult stuff and aware of the recent transformation in their perspective, not any old dads.

I have to agree with the other posters who have said that TM isn't that hard. I did it last year along with a half marathon in the Lake District (up and down the fells). The half marathon was much, much harder and I was sore for days after that - after TM I was a bit achey the next day but nothing terrible. Did all the obstacles and everyone doing it has a nice sense of camaraderie and will help you complete them (particularly helpful with Everest!).

I trained for it (well for the half marathon) but my OH and a couple of our other team members didn't and everyone made it round. We did it in sub 3 hours too so not so bad!

Well it seems it will either be a leisurely jaunt through the mud with lots of back slapping and comeraderie amongst all ages or something that an athletic running fanatic would struggle to complete, think I'm even more confused about the level of fitness required
I really don't want to discourage him, if it was a smaller event or he was prepared to take on another challenge in preparation before committing I would be more relaxed and happy to cheer him on all the way.
But this is our first DC, and I can't help being concerned (selfishly I admit) that the first few weeks after birth may not go smoothly. DC might not be on time, I might need a C section or face other complications / I may experience PND and need a lot of support from him which would be difficult for him to give me if he is spending evenings and weekends in training. He could get injured which would be hard work too with a new baby.
I know all of these are 'what ifs' and it all sounds very me me me but that's what is going around my hormonal brain at the moment

I think you need to persuade him to work up to it by doing an easier event this year and going for Tough mudder next year, he will either be put off the whole idea or will have more time to train. I don't know if this is anywhere near you www.mudrunner.co.uk/events/oblivion-event/ a lot cheaper. Could he get those he wants to do it with to go for an easier event?

No I really think you are spot on with your concerns. 6 weeks post due date, WTF is he thinking? His first priority at that time needs to be you, recovering from birth (which is like recovering from an injury) or major surgery if you have a C section, he can't just go off and train after work, you'll need him to be at home sharing care of the baby!

He's either deluded about how much work babies are and how much support you will need or he's incredibly selfish.

Curious - how much DOES he drink as you mentioned him cutting out alcohol a couple of times and also this as a cost factor.

Look up the stats - on birth and it's aftermath - let him research the TM event!

Likelihood of a CS and implications, of complications, PND. There are facts to base a discussion upon, it's not about you thinking of yourself.

I agree that the first six weeks after birth are the hardest, even if things happen smoothly and on time, it's just a very tiring, all encompassing time.

Before the birth, or 3+ months after, if he was fit beforehand, ok.

Try giving him facts and experienced perspectives and letting him come to his own conclusion?

Will you be doing antenatal classes together? Prob after he's entered but a good opportunity for him to talk to the midwife about realities post-birth.

No, god, don't look up birth horror stories whatever you do! You'll be fine but it will be a million times easier with his support, and it's a special time - he should be there, sharing it.