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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if full time working mums cope?

129 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 09/04/2014 21:01

I am fed up with teaching . I actually think I hate it and I have been threatened by kids and unsupported by slt too many times so I quit.
The holidays are great for dd and I though. Tomorrow I have an interview in a law firm for a secretary.
I am chuffed as I have been interested in being a legal secretary for some years now. However it will be 9 to 5 full time and less holidays.
I will be thrilled not to have to plan in the evenings etc but worried I won't see much of dd. I will still be able to spend time with dd won't I? We already have our summer holidays booked so I can request holiday for that time...should I get it?

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 09/04/2014 21:04

Generally, if a holiday is booked and paid for at the time you take a job, it's accepted you'll have to take it. But you may find in the future you're battling with colleagues to have school holidays / half terms off...

HearMyRoar · 09/04/2014 21:11

Yes they cope, and to honest I am a quality over quantity person on time with dd. I don't see how it can be good for your dd to spend lots of time with you when you are miserable and worrying about work. Much better to have less time but a mum who is happy and relaxed, able to focus on your dd when you are with her.

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 09/04/2014 21:14

Very good point Hearmyroar.

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 09/04/2014 21:15

I didn't find working in a law firm, two actually, very compatible with family life tbh. No flexibility at all.

If you are offered a job and let them know you already have holidays booked then they'll probably honour them. The rest of the school holidays you'll probably be granted leave on a rota basis, that's how it worked where I was.

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 09/04/2014 21:18

Did you enjoy it Whoknickedmy name?

OP posts:
Theas18 · 09/04/2014 21:18

You cope because you have to... Before you leap ( don't know how old your child is) have you thought about holiday child care though? You are likely to get 2 weeks in the summer and one or two half terms - all the other parents want them too...that's a pain!

JustMarriedBecca · 09/04/2014 21:21

Don't do it. Legal secretaries at our place work 8-7pm not 9-5pm (even though they have contracted hours). Working in a law firm is entirely incompatible with family life. Everyone I know wants out....not in. You wouldn't believe the stories I could tell.

Sorry to be so pessimistic but its true. They should honour existing holidays but future holidays will depend on partners' moods more often than not.

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/04/2014 21:24

What attracts you to being a legal secretary?

shebird · 09/04/2014 21:27

I would select my next employer carefully, try to make sure they are flexible even if it means a bit less money it's a lot less stressful. Also try to understand the work culture in a new position, even if the hours are 9-5 will you be expected to stay late or put in extra hours. My DH technically works 9-5 but actually works more like 8-6.

Thurlow · 09/04/2014 21:28

I work at a law firm, in support, and I find it entirely compatible with family life...? Hmm But I guess it will depend on the size of the firm. I work 9.30-5.30 and there is no requirement to stay later, or to do extra at home, bar the odd occasion where you have meetings or training.

I imagine it might depend on the size of the firm. I work for a 500+ employee firm in London, so there is a proper HR department and support for non-legal staff. If it was in a small firm where partners were approving leave etc it might be a bit harder.

WhoNickedMyName · 09/04/2014 21:28

I enjoyed the work - yes. It was busy, I like the day to fly. Law firms tend to really want their pound of flesh though. 9-5 for me quite often meant 8.30 - 5.30. 4 weeks holiday to cover all the school hols wasn't enough for me, that's when i was actually granted my leave in school holiday time, and I used to dread a phone call from the school or childminder to say DS was ill, etc.

I work for the NHS now - great salary, flexi time, carers leave, generous holiday allowance. It's much better.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 09/04/2014 21:28

Legal field can be stressful & incompatible with family life so don't expect life to be greener on the otherside. You may work in a brilliant family friendly firm or you may not, just keep focussed on the job as lawyers can be notoriously difficult PITAs not that I work with any

Do be upfront about holidays booked from the beginning so they are aware & can make arrangements for your absense.

Have you thought about working for a local university / council / Ofsted as they are a bit more family friendly.

Dilidali · 09/04/2014 21:30

You can, working full time, but it must be run like a military operation. Or at least, I have to run it like a military operation.
In january I sit down with DH and split the school holiday responsabilities and request all my annual leave.
3 times a year I put aside half a morning in the diary to check my DD's clothes and shoes, make a list with what needs buying.
Menu planning is a must, cooking in batches and freezing the same.
Household chores are done on a definite roster.
I have reminders to check bills/bank statements, I even have a birthday folder, for each month I have birthday cards ready to go and reminders to buy presents.

I am a bit of a control freak though, I can't cope unless I thought of every detail. That and the fact I am out of the house 12 h a day.

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2014 21:31

Whatever line of work you go into youll always get people telling you about the long hours and the stress. Or so ive noticed. I dont think there is one line of work thay is generally family friendly though obvioisly individuals make their jobs work.

StetsonsAreCool · 09/04/2014 21:37

I technically work 8.30-5 full time, but a couple of days a week I choose to stay a bit longer, but I'm heading towards a more senior position so I'm choosing to put in some extra hours while I learn what I need to do.

DD is still 3.9, so she's in nursery 8-6 two days a week and with family the other 2.5 days (DH works a short day once a week). It affords us a little extra flexibility and DH is very supportive in picking up the slack after work getting her home and in bed - she falls asleep on the drive home on 'family' days as they're further away than nursery.

My employer is very understanding and can be flexible if I need to come in late or leave early - they know that I can make up the time if necessary so it's not all give on their side.

I don't know about legal environments, so couldn't comment on that. Between my job offer and acceptance I did make sure they knew I had a small child so they wouldn't have a nasty shock if I suddenly had to be late one day. It hasn't happened very often, and in fact the times I've had to request some flexibility have been non-child related emergencies (heating disaster and a couple of car related catastrophes).

Working long hours full time means you have to be really organised during the week, but I waste much less of my weekend than I used to. We do quality, rather than quantity as a pp mentioned.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Pilgit · 09/04/2014 21:41

Yes of course you can do it. Do you have a partner? The thing that makes it most difficult is lack of parity in household chores (which if you're on your own is not an issue). I work full time and my DH runs his business from home and runs the home. We view the house and childcare as a joint responsibility (which is the only way it should be). From experience on here and in real life where there isn't joint responsibility - usually where the man sees all household and child care stuff as the woman's responsibility despite the fact that she works full time as well and the woman picks it all up - this is where a lack of respect and problems seep in. That is when it becomes difficult. You need to make sure there is parity in free time and a partnership.

Thurlow · 09/04/2014 21:45

In terms of managing the house and the holidays, our DC is still pre school so things are a bit different. But you can do it, you just have to be slightly more organised. And yes, if you are both working full-time then you both have to do as much around the house, and you both get time off.

dementedma · 09/04/2014 21:47

How old is dd?
The long summer holiday is hard to cover when you work full time and are not a teacher!
It can be done, of course, but it takes a lot of planning.

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 09/04/2014 21:53

I am a single mum but I normally sort out housework at weekends. I have a supportive dad and great child minder. I'm just used to the holidays with teaching I think. I am going for it but it does freak me out a bit.
I think another point it that I need to start counselling to sort out abuse issued from my past. I'm just wondering how I could fit in counselling with a ft job. My dad reckons take half a day off as annual leave but I'd want to spend all my leave with dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 09/04/2014 21:54

Dd is 5. I love my summers with her.

OP posts:
nocheeseplease · 09/04/2014 21:55

Im a full time legal secretary. I work 9am-4.30pm with half an hour for lunch and I am never put under any pressure to stay late. I always leave at 4.30pm on the dot. The work is very interesting (currently in a child care dept) and I find it very family friendly, in all the firms I have worked for (2 in Manchester city centre, others were smaller, local firms) there have never been any issues with me turning up late occasionally due to problems with childcare or having to take a day off if one of the kids are ill. I'm currently pregnant with my 4th child and have no worries about going back after my maternity leave as I know my employers are understanding and that I'll still get plenty quality time with my kids.

nocheeseinhouse · 09/04/2014 21:56

Yes, they cope.

Original poster
superstarheartbreaker · 09/04/2014 22:00

Nocheeseplease...that is more like it! This is a small country firm. I am interested in it.

OP posts:
paxtecum · 09/04/2014 22:03

Superstar: could you work in a different school?
Would that help?

I have always been a bit envious of my teacher friends' long summer holidays.
I've only had two consecutive weeks off work twice in many, many years.

WilsonFrickett · 09/04/2014 22:08

No job will tick all the boxes. Once you make your mind up to that, it's just a case of what's more important. If you leave teaching, obvs the summer holidays then become a massive pita. But if you are a legal secretary, even if you work late regularly, you leave the work behind you when you go home. It's a case of weighting up what matters more.