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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my dh regarding vaginal abscess? Might be a bit tmi sorry

155 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 09/04/2014 20:44

Last year I had the most horrendous 2 weeks caused by an abscess on my vulva. It was agony :( I couldn't walk from the pain and antibiotics didn't take effect until later.

The doctor said it was ready to be drained but there's no point draining it as it will drain naturally very soon and be better for healing if it's left alone. This resulted in the abscess very painfully bursting all over my leg 4 days later and me having to be cleaned by a nurse every day to stop further infection, and for the first few days having to change the gauze every hour because it bled right through. Definitely not better for me :(

Anyway I now have another fucking one:( I am in so much pain, but again they won't drain it :( the doctor said abscesses can be caused by a hair follicle becoming infected, amongst other things.

lying in bed sobbing about how sore it is, dh turns round and says "it's your own fault, you never shave. If you shaved it wouldn't happen"

I am livid. He goes on and on about shaving that area. It's my choice not to and he hates it. Now he's using this as an excuse to torture me about it. :( Angry:( Angry

OP posts:
FunLovinBunster · 10/04/2014 14:53

I think you should pop the abscess and smear its bacteria filled contents all over his hairy nuts.
And then laugh your arse off when he gets a nasty puss-y infection round his tiny todger.

coolcookie · 10/04/2014 14:55

Hope you get it sorted op.

pommedeterre · 10/04/2014 15:00

YADNBU.

What a delight he sounds.

I'd stop trimming/waxing or anything in the face of that strong an opinion of my pubes.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 11/04/2014 19:50

Hi everyone sorry for taking so long to update. Thanks for all your concerns and funny replies :)

Anyway, I am doing much better. They didn't want to operate on me at the gyn clinic because I was, in myself, feeling well. So gave me anti biotics and said if it gets worse to come back. Thankfully, it has burst and I'm actually feeling a lot better for it. I just have the lovely job of waiting for all the yucky stuff inside to drain out over the next few days so I will be putting my feet up this weekend :)

Again, thanks for talking me through and being so supportive :)

By the way- it was bartholin's cyst.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 11/04/2014 19:54

OP, so glad you are better and it wasn't hydredenitis supprotiva. I know I spelt it wrong, I usually do Grin
Yes, do take it easy and of course look after yourself, no shaving as this will make it worse.
Good luck with your oh as well, I hope he's very sorry.

ShabbyChic8 · 11/04/2014 21:02

What an arse to say that to you when what you need is some sympathy. It sounds very painful. I wish you better soon.

Good for you for not shaving! My husband has a bit of an obsession with me shaving. The more he asks the less frequently I shave. I think he's finally figured it out now.

Darkesteyes · 11/04/2014 21:56

The way its going I can see some twunts putting a shaving clause into pre nups !!!

Darkesteyes · 11/04/2014 21:56

Glad you are feeling better though Thanks

AnyFucker · 11/04/2014 22:20

Glad you are feeling physically better but unfortunately you are still hooked up with a fuckwit

itsbetterthanabox · 11/04/2014 23:02

Shaving would definitely make the issue worse.
Why does he hate that you don't shave? Tell him to shave his balls, legs and armpits and see how bloody time consuming and itchy it is!

WitchWay · 11/04/2014 23:21

He just wants you to shave your pubes - abscess has nothing to do with shaving

Superworm · 12/04/2014 00:44

Mine was a bartholins too. Honestly push for surgery if you can. They tend not to resolve otherwise.

Hope you H has seen the error of his comments.

SecretWitch · 12/04/2014 04:17

Glad you are feeling better. Rest as much as you can. Sorry you still must cope with your partner.

pixwix · 12/04/2014 07:01

Thanks for the update op - glad you are feeling better.

I had a bartholins abcess years ago - they operated and marsupialised it. It came back and I had it operated on another two times. In the end, they operated to remove the gland that supplies the fluid at the top of the duct to stop it re-occuring and it did the trick. It didn't affect erm - lubrication so to speak, as everything else seemed to move up a notch - sorry TMI!

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 12/04/2014 08:03

Glad to hear you are feeling better, bartholins are the very devil. I had them both sides,dh knew when they popped up it was tea and sympathy time.i was on waiting list for surgery but in meantime I got pregnant and I've never had them since.
Hope your h has got over himself, but if he ever suggests it get him this

minibmw2010 · 12/04/2014 08:37

Glad you're feeling better OP. Are you talking to your 'D'H?

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 13/04/2014 14:09

I am talking to dh, yes. But he still holds the same view. I have shaved a few times and it was itchy and painful growing back. I tried using hair removal cream and it reacted badly to my skin. He'll will freeze over before I wax.

Meh. He can take it or leave it the way it is, I am not dreadfully concerned about his wishes

OP posts:
GiddyUpCowboy · 13/04/2014 14:12

I get them too, I am not sure if they are abscess's or not, they are so painful on the lead up to bursting and very sore and mucky when they go, I deal with them myself due to shame.

Legologgo · 13/04/2014 14:13

marsupialised? boggles

dayshiftdoris · 13/04/2014 14:22

Lego

Very medical way of saying cut a cross across the top, peel back the quarters of skin and stitch folded back to allow drainage... Sometimes they are packed too...
Always a joy for the poor woman concerned...

dayshiftdoris · 13/04/2014 14:25

Bartholin's cysts are subcutaneous so shave or not makes no odds... And OP next time ask for a marpulisation as it sounds like you have a blockage that will keep coming back until it is drained / cleaned properly - all the women I saw in gynae clinic said the surgery and recovery was more comfortable than the abscesses they had had

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 13/04/2014 14:27

giddy I used to be like that too. In fact I put off seeing the doctor for 8 years with another problem I had down there. I suffered for all that time when the doctor looked at it for 2 mins, prescribed me some ointment and the problem cleared up.

Now I don't give a crap who (doctor wise) sees my foof, as long as they can sort out whatever way I've managed to mess it up.

OP posts:
GiddyUpCowboy · 13/04/2014 15:18

I have one brewing in the hairy area right now, I may go to the GP over that and explain where I get them and for how long this has been going on, it is the one's in the lips especially the ones on the edge of the opening that I can't go to the GP over.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 13/04/2014 15:24

Giddy that sounds exactly like what I have. I don't know how you can stand the pain :(

OP posts:
GiddyUpCowboy · 13/04/2014 15:26

I have other medical conditions so it is not as painful as other things I have to put up with, I have a high pain threshold.