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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my dh regarding vaginal abscess? Might be a bit tmi sorry

155 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 09/04/2014 20:44

Last year I had the most horrendous 2 weeks caused by an abscess on my vulva. It was agony :( I couldn't walk from the pain and antibiotics didn't take effect until later.

The doctor said it was ready to be drained but there's no point draining it as it will drain naturally very soon and be better for healing if it's left alone. This resulted in the abscess very painfully bursting all over my leg 4 days later and me having to be cleaned by a nurse every day to stop further infection, and for the first few days having to change the gauze every hour because it bled right through. Definitely not better for me :(

Anyway I now have another fucking one:( I am in so much pain, but again they won't drain it :( the doctor said abscesses can be caused by a hair follicle becoming infected, amongst other things.

lying in bed sobbing about how sore it is, dh turns round and says "it's your own fault, you never shave. If you shaved it wouldn't happen"

I am livid. He goes on and on about shaving that area. It's my choice not to and he hates it. Now he's using this as an excuse to torture me about it. :( Angry:( Angry

OP posts:
Littlegreyauditor · 09/04/2014 21:18

No. He would never be having sex with me again. What an asshole!

I agree with others about heat being good to draw the abscess out, but I would also want a further opinion, particularly if it is in the same place.

I would be searching very hard for your husband's redeeming features OP. They would need to be plentiful and overwhelming. Hmm

snippyMcSnippy · 09/04/2014 21:19

MY DH says that maybe he had been watching too much porn to have such a bizarre opinion about your bits.

MollyHooper · 09/04/2014 21:19

If you are going to get rid of anything I would go with the husband over the pubes.

I suffer with cysts and they were so much worse when I was younger and shaved.

He really does sound rotten. :(

ineedsomeinspiration · 09/04/2014 21:20

Yanbu, poor you.
As another point my friend who cycles had this and padded cycling shorts seems to have solved the problem.

littledrummergirl · 09/04/2014 21:24

I had a cyst which turned into abcesses. I had to have an operation to cut it out but it hurt. My GP and consultant both advised A&E if it happened again for an emergency op. It did, on holiday, they were shite but another story.
I was on some pretty serious pain relief which sent me through the ceiling, it was quite nice to be mellowed out, no good to anyone though.
If my DH had said it was my own fault, I think I would have gone bat shit crazy.
He is being a twat yanbu.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/04/2014 21:24

What a fucking knob wank arsehole bastard. I can feel my heart rate rising as I'm actually properly angry.

As many others have said, shaving and waxing causes this. But I can wax his privates for you if that will help? I would help My anger issues but I suspect yours might be more important!

Blush
Superking · 09/04/2014 21:25

You are absolutely not unreasonable, he sounds extremely unpleasant. There are so many threads on here about horrible husbands/ partners, and I have never been moved to post on one before, but his attitude is disgusting. I really hope the abscess clears up soon OP.

idlevice · 09/04/2014 21:25

I'd second going to A&E, a walk-in place or aat least phoning 111 for further advice/second opinion given your previous experience.

As for your "d"h, he sounds like an absolute twunt of the highest order. Does he do something to alter his body for your pleasure? If so he might feel entitled to insist you do similar but all he is entitled to do is ask once then respect your stance.

CaptChaos · 09/04/2014 21:29

You poor thing, abscesses are never funny.

Your husband is being an utter cunt. Does he really think that you looking like a small girl down there would make a blind bit of difference?

Tell him you'll get yours done, when he gets his and then don't.

paxtecum · 09/04/2014 21:48

OP: poor you, it must be agony.

Are you tired, stressed and rundown?
Can you boost your immune system with Vitamin C, echinacea, iron and zinc supplements as well as multivits?
Cut out all junk food, alcohol.
Eat really healthily , drink lots of water, maybe cut down on dairy.

Maybe ask for some blood tests and get your lymph glands checked out.

Your husband is a dick brain.
He needs to redeem himself by letting you rest to recover and by cooking you lovely healthy meals.

wheresthelight · 09/04/2014 21:55

You poor thing! I get them occasionally as am very prone to ingrowing hairs and they bloody hurt! As others have said, demand a second opinion and refuse to leave until they agree to drain it!

As for your husband - what a gigantic twat he is being!!! I would get him some very home wax and tell him you will shave when he waxes his sack and see what he says!!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 09/04/2014 21:57

Waxing has similar issues incase he mentions....

He's into his porn a bit isn't he...? He's an a s s h o l e

Sorry x

dreamingbohemian · 09/04/2014 22:02

How has your husband managed to live so long with so few brain cells?

YANBU, obviously

Goblinchild · 09/04/2014 22:02

Don't answer this, but think about how many lovers you had before him, and if they treated you with respect and consideration. Because good ones do.
He isn't a good partner, he's an arse.

thebody · 09/04/2014 22:06

Ignoring your twat of a dh I think you also have a twat of a GP too.

Go to A&E or ask to see a consultant gynae.

Is the abscess in the same place?

And poor you. I had a breast abscess once and it was worse than giving birth.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 09/04/2014 22:08

Yabu if you only feel annoyed. You should be absolutely fucking LIVID that this is how little he cares about you. What is he like aside from this particular situation? If you say he is usually a brilliant and respectful and loving partner, I'm afraid I won't believe you. Christ, what a wank-stain he is.

AlexVause · 09/04/2014 22:10

YANBU at all. He sounds terrible.
Hope you feel better soon OP Thanks

WilsonFrickett · 09/04/2014 22:13

Your DH is a dick. I suspect he's a dick with a serious porn habit too. Seriously, wtf? He doesn't get to have an opinion on your pubes. Fuckdick. I know what you should shave out of your life and it's not your fanjo hair.

I hope you feel better soon though.

RevoltingPeasant · 09/04/2014 22:15

OP first sort yourself out. Deffo push for a referral or at the least don't just do the Nature's Way route again.

When you are better have a serious talk with your H. Shaving makes these things worse. I stopped shaving precisely because I got folliculitis.

Personally I would not want to be married to someone who looked at me and thought I could do with improving Angry

WillowKnicks · 09/04/2014 22:16

I had something similar a few months ago but mine, luckily, burst in the bath on the morning I was due to got to hospital to have it drained.

My GP told me that a lot of people present in A & E with them, as the pain is so bad. I would do that, if you're not getting any joy from your GP, you can't carry on as you are.

Hope you feel better soon.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/04/2014 22:30

Please go back and see your GP or A&E if you get no joy. It sounds horrendous, you poor thing.

No comment on your utter arse of a husband!

HauntedNoddyCar · 09/04/2014 22:31

Poor you. :(

Tell him he won't see any more of your pubic hair again.

And wear big granny pants all the time. Especially in bed.

SuburbanRhonda · 09/04/2014 22:32

This:

Personally I would not want to be married to someone who looked at me and thought I could do with improving.

JollyGolightly · 09/04/2014 22:37

Does he have good.points?

They'd have to be pretty spectacular if I were in.your position.

goodasitgets · 09/04/2014 22:43

Have a google of hydradenitis supprativa
For what it's worth I've just had a huge armpit abscess. Shaving or not makes no difference
Zinc gluconate and turmeric can help, try a antiseptic soap or something like hibiscrub

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