Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you invite yourself to my house you should eat what you're given.

116 replies

13loki · 09/04/2014 11:03

In-laws have invited themselves to stay at our house for 2 weeks (we are abroad). We all get on famously when we are in different hemispheres, but MIL is fussy as fuck. She doesn't eat vegetables. Won't eat cooked tomatoes. Doesn't like rice, or pasta, or cheese. Has just dropped the bombshell that she only eats gluten-free bread (not on medical advice)

I've been through our usual meals, and out of 2 weeks worth of different dinners, she would eat one - beans, chips and schnitzel. I am of the opinion that I shouldn't have to change what my family eat to less healthy options because she won't eat normal food. I am happy to work around allergies etc, but not a grown woman who won't even try new food. DH says I should just let it go. So I told him I'm not cooking while they are here, he can deal with it. And if I cook a chocolate cake with the children for easter, she can fuck off if she thinks she's eating any, it will have gluten in it

Our kids get given what we are eating and must at least try it - it's OK to not like something, but you can't know unless you give it a proper taste. I think that rule should go for everyone staying in our house.

OP posts:
PosyFossilsShoes · 09/04/2014 16:20

pianodoodle if she won't eat pasta then pot noodles are probably out too!

DwellsUndertheSink · 09/04/2014 16:22

oh I feel for you OP, my FIL is a strictly meat and potato kind of chap. He will not eat chicken, fish (unless it battered and cooked in lard), cheese, pasta, rice, tomatoes, spice of any kind, onions, mushrooms...the list is endless. He does like normal plain boiled veg tho. He smothers everything in salt and HP sauce (because he doesnt do spicy food.....).

So now we do a roast, steak and chips, sausage and mash, chops and wedges, cottage pie, lancashire hot pot, meat and potato pie...

He is so set in his ways that once I cut the chips the wrong way. Hmm He delayed our meal by a good 30 minutes while he went to the shop, bought more potatoes, peeled them and cut them the RIGHT way.

I pity my MIL.

FanFuckingTastic · 09/04/2014 16:26

I'd suggest she got the shopping in for the things she will eat and prepare her meals separately, whilst silently fuming about it.

I don't like vegetables, but I bloody eat them because I know I should and because it sets an example to the children. I told them I don't really like broccoli either, but it's great for you and if you eat it with other flavours on the plate it actually isn't that bad. They eat broccoli. Job done.

2rebecca · 09/04/2014 16:30

Next time don't let someone come to your house for 2 weeks if you aren't happy with it. When they suggest coming discuss it with your husband and set a time limit, you can use the meals as an excuse saying if she wants to stay longer a hotel may be more suitable as she doesn't like your food. Get your husband behind you and be firmer. I wouldn't change the usual meals just get her baked potatoes and buy some gluten free bread for her and don't let her eat the normal stuff.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 09/04/2014 16:42

do her something you know she will eat for day 1 then on day 2 get DH to look after the kids and take her shopping for food she will eat, serve it up alongside your usual family meals when you are cooking and leave dh to sort it out when its his turn.

LtEveDallas · 09/04/2014 16:44

MIL and FIL don't visit, but I do all the cooking when we go to them (and batch cook so I can fill their deep freeze too)

FIL is a bit fussy, but thankfully he's a good bloke. He is very traditional eater, meat and two veg type. He only eats peas, broccoli and carrots and prefers mash to roast potatoes. Sunday lunch is easy because I make loads of veg in serving dishes and he picks what he wants.

He won't eat chilli, curry, Chinese, pasta, rice, fish, cheese or anything 'spiced' like a tagine but he always says "Don't worry about me, I'll have egg and chips" and he means it.

I make the effort to make us all something that he will eat every other day. So I'll do stew, cottage pie, pork chops, sausage hot pot or homemade faggots, and in between he gets egg and chips or similar.

He never ever complains so I don't mind doing it. If he complained he'd starve or get told to make himself a sandwich. I'm happy to 'pander' to him and MIL always says something like "Oh DD, look at you eating so well, you are much better behaved than your naughty Diada" which is appreciated Smile

granny24 · 09/04/2014 17:40

My dear FIL was a fussy and very traditional meat and two veg with lots of gravy. It could be a pita, but how I wish he was still alive to mildly annoy me. I would love to cook him up a good hearty stew and think of the hot curry we would cook after he and MIL left.

Tinkerball · 09/04/2014 17:49

The reason I don't like pasta is because I don't like the sauces that go with it, same with rice but I do like potatoes and have them in one form or other most nights. I don't find that boring at all, as I will eat chicken, salad, fish etc dishes with them. I couldn't eat something I genuinely didn't like and find it really odd that some people have the attitude that people should have to. Going out for dinner is fine as there is always something on the menu I like and if it was in someone's house menu would be discussed before. Of course it would make life easier if I could eat everything.

Tinkerball · 09/04/2014 17:51

I would never create a fuss, I'm like your FIL ltevedallas and I think that's the difference if people object more or not.

PrimalLass · 09/04/2014 18:30

I'm not fussy at all, and boy do I LOVE food. But if faced with something in a cheese sauce, I could not eat it. I gag at the smell of browned cheese on toast.

I do love a medium cheddar sandwich though (on GF bread, of course).

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 09/04/2014 18:42

Could you or dh cook up a couple of meals and freeze them in 1-portion tubs - say a meat-and-potato casserole and a shepherds pie? Then any meal she doesn't like the look of, she can eat that. And the 14 jacket potatoes.

Bright and breezy - oh you don't like this meal? Have shepherds pie ...

Sixgeese · 09/04/2014 18:44

My DM is nearly 70 and has just discovered that pasta is quite nice. For years she wouldn't eat it, as she "didn't like it" never tried it!, but when she and DF were on a fly drive holiday in the US last summer, they agreed that they would eat at the nearest restaurant to the hotel every night regardless of the type of food and so DF didn't have to drive any further, so she ended up eating food that in the UK she wouldn't try.

Shame that my DD (aged 4) has now says that she doesn't like pasta, so I still can't cook it when my parents come around for a meal.

YouTheCat · 09/04/2014 18:57

My mum wouldn't touch anything with garlic in it until she went to Venice when she was 58.

She said she wished she'd tried more things sooner. Tbh my mum was dead easy to cater for anyway. Giver her some crusty bread, cheese and salad and she'd be happy.

Nancyandsid · 09/04/2014 19:07

If she is gluten free you need to respect that. Most people don't need a consultnt diagnosis to know that gluten upsets their stomachs.

I would in your shoes cook one normal family meal for everyone and do something seperate for her.

whatever5 · 09/04/2014 19:12

I can see both sides. You obviously are used to very different food and although you think she is fussy she no doubt thinks the same about you.

I don't think you can expect her to force your food down as she probably finds it disgusting but at the same time and you shouldn't have to change your diet particularly if it's healthy compared with hers.

Your DH should talk to her and sort out alternative meals for her to eat (which he or she should cook).

DoItTooJulia · 09/04/2014 19:13

I would cook what you normally cook, but do a bowl of chips and gf bread for the table too. Then she can eat chips and bread till the cows come home.

Original poster
13loki · 09/04/2014 19:21

It's all well and good to say gluten upsets your stomach, but not if you are knocking back lots of cake that is not gluten free. And I'm fine with people not liking something, but not if they last tried something similar 55 years ago, and refuse to eat anything remotely similar ever again. Restaurants are a no go, we once walked the streets for 2 hours with hungry children because she wouldn't eat in any restaurant we went past. Ended up with McDonalds because I said enough was enough, which meant I was rude.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 09/04/2014 19:32

But we don't actually know that she's gluten free because it upsets her, just that she eats gluten free bread. Is this a genuine dietary issue or is she bring a pita. What would happen if a chocolate cake was put in front of her.

I'm sorry Tinkerbell but there's heaps of different pasta sauces from spicy arrabiatas to creamy carbonaras to meaty bolognaises to herby pesto and everything in between. You can't dislike them all?

And then rice, Chinese food, Japanese, chilli, stroganoff???

LittleBearPad · 09/04/2014 19:33

Dammit xpost with Loki about the cake. I thought she might be a cake fan.

NearTheWindymill · 09/04/2014 19:44

DwellsundertheSink sounds very similar to my late FIL. I once put the cheese in his sandwich vertically instead of horizontally Grin

Catsize · 09/04/2014 19:55

She sounds a total mare. I would have it business as usual for you and the kids etc. And your husband can cook something separately for his mother who I bet snaffles a bit of your proposed chocolate cake under cover of darkness

LoonvanBoon · 09/04/2014 19:58

Sounds like the main issue here isn't that MIL is fussy but that she's fucking rude. Inviting yourself to stay isn't exactly the height of good manners in the first place, especially for a fairly long period of time.

And going on the OP's most recent post, she expects everyone to pander to her fussiness while being utterly inconsistent about what she will & won't eat. Gluten-free bread is insisted upon, but she's happy to eat gluten-filled cake. This is just nonsense.

Don't tolerate her having a go at you or accusing you of rudeness, OP. Your DH shouldn't be standing for that either.

Deathwatchbeetle · 09/04/2014 20:13

I wonder if she wa always fussy. If so I hope she didn't badger your hubbie aboug eating everything when he was young! I think this is all attention seekeing. Anyway, as your hubbie seemd to think it is no problem then as others have suggested, he can do the cooking!

Dutch1e · 09/04/2014 20:25

YABU to allow anyone to invite themselves to your home, especially for two weeks.

Now that it's done though, I think you are perfectly reasonable to hand over all cooking duty to your DH while his fussy-eating mother is in town. Ten Euro says by the third day his "let it go" attitude will change to " I'll boil her good self and serve her up with self-centred spuds and whine jus"

defineme · 09/04/2014 20:32

My dm has one food intolerance, but also lots of fads etc.
I do what I would normally, but with her rice cakes/bread and whatever on the table near her.
Help yourself dishes on the table are best. If she likes a simple side like baked beans these would make an appearance quite frequently along with what we normally eat.
It's what I did when the kids were fussy and they are now not fussy at all. Always something they knew and new things within reach.