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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you invite yourself to my house you should eat what you're given.

116 replies

13loki · 09/04/2014 11:03

In-laws have invited themselves to stay at our house for 2 weeks (we are abroad). We all get on famously when we are in different hemispheres, but MIL is fussy as fuck. She doesn't eat vegetables. Won't eat cooked tomatoes. Doesn't like rice, or pasta, or cheese. Has just dropped the bombshell that she only eats gluten-free bread (not on medical advice)

I've been through our usual meals, and out of 2 weeks worth of different dinners, she would eat one - beans, chips and schnitzel. I am of the opinion that I shouldn't have to change what my family eat to less healthy options because she won't eat normal food. I am happy to work around allergies etc, but not a grown woman who won't even try new food. DH says I should just let it go. So I told him I'm not cooking while they are here, he can deal with it. And if I cook a chocolate cake with the children for easter, she can fuck off if she thinks she's eating any, it will have gluten in it

Our kids get given what we are eating and must at least try it - it's OK to not like something, but you can't know unless you give it a proper taste. I think that rule should go for everyone staying in our house.

OP posts:
Ilovexmastime · 09/04/2014 11:07

Can you make your normal meal for your family and suggest that MIL makes her own meals?

HecatePropylaea · 09/04/2014 11:07

tbh, I'd cook a mixture. It is hospitable to make sure that your guests like the food but they also have to be good guests and not expect everything to revolve around them for the duration!

So I'd make some of the meals she likes but not have every meal tailored round her. If she doesn't like what's on offer on any given day, then tell her she is welcome to cook something for herself.

If your husband isn't happy with that, then he can always choose to cook meals that are to her liking.

Or yes, just get your husband to cook for the entire fortnight. That seems a very simple solution Grin

DoJo · 09/04/2014 11:09

Can you cook up a batch of something which she will eat and just serve it to her at every meal where she will refuse what you would be having?

RoseberryTopping · 09/04/2014 11:11

I think you would be unreasonable to not make anything at all that she would eat, surely she must have meals that you could all eat together?

Most nights she would just have to sort herself out with a meal though.

honeythewitch · 09/04/2014 11:15

I think if it is only for a fortnight it would be nice to give her what she wants.

ENormaSnob · 09/04/2014 11:17

Yanbu

nochips · 09/04/2014 11:17

Is the schnitzel breaded? She possibly can't eat that either. :)

Sorry.

She sounds like a pain in the arse. I'd be suggesting that your ILs take you out for dinner every night.

Actually, I agree with Hecate. Your DH does not think it is a problem, so he can do it.

wowfudge · 09/04/2014 11:18

Could you cook what you would normally have for everyone apart from MIL and either make ahead and freeze or have very simple things to prepare e.g. you are basically just heating up (either ready meals or homemade) for her?

whois · 09/04/2014 11:19

Another one for letting DH do it all since it's not a problem. Hope he doesn't make a song and dance about it!

Amytheflag · 09/04/2014 11:20

Yanbu. Adults might not like something but they can still eat it (excluding allergies or health needs).

mistlethrush · 09/04/2014 11:21

Re the bread - some gluten free bread is not exactly delicious... I would make sure that I had it in, particularly if having a 'fresh bread, soup and cheese' type lunch... Even better if you could make the bread yourself so that it is really tasty and not serve her any of it. Rather PA - but if she helps herself to the fresh stuff you can then say something like 'Oh, I'm glad you don't want the gluten free stuff, I didn't think it was anything to do with the gluten - and it rarely tastes as good does it'... Grin

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier · 09/04/2014 11:22

Yanbu, Having guests for 2 weeks invading your space is stressful enough without having to pander to a fussy eater.

Oneaddoneisthree · 09/04/2014 11:23

God, no, YANBU. What does she say when you serve up something she won't eat?

My MIL is intolerant to various foods and I am happy to make an effort to accommodate her (she eats a VERY restricted diet) but equally she doesn't expect me to. She will bring bits and pieces when she comes to stay, offer to take us out for meals to take the pressure off and in combination with what I cook we manage.

Your in-laws just sound like difficult house guests.

Fussy adults really annoy me.

VinoTime · 09/04/2014 11:24

If I was stupidly fussy, I'd ask if it was okay by you to go and do a wee grocery shop myself and offer to cook my own meals so that I wasn't putting you out any.

If you're a picky eater, you're a picky eater. Not much to be done about that. And it's not really MIL's fault if she is. Some people simply are. Maybe suggest to DH that MIL goes to do a small shop when they arrive, so that she has the things that she likes to hand at the house, and she can cook alongside you at meal times for herself? Or for extra brownie points, give her a call yourself and find out what kind of things she would like and go get some stuff in for her - that would be a nice thing to do.

She might not be your ideal house guest, but she's family. She's your DH's mum and it is only for 2 weeks Smile

TwelveLeggedWalk · 09/04/2014 11:26

Do you just need to buy 14 baking potatoes and be done with it?

Original poster
13loki · 09/04/2014 11:27

nochips I think I love you. In my excessively ranty, pissed off mood about being made out to be unreasonable over this I hadn't even thought of the bread on the schitznel.

She doesn't like cheese. I know this because whenever I cook anything with visible cheese she refuses to eat it. Went back for seconds of the potato gratin with cheese in the sauce, though Wink

Fully intend lots of bread baking, DS has been watching Great British Bake Off and has found recipes he wants to try out in the holidays.

OP posts:
diddl · 09/04/2014 11:28

Is this a new thing then-other than the bread?

Has she stayed before & what happened then?

But yeah, if it's easy, let husband sort it.

I might pich up a loaf of GF bread so that she's at least OK for sarnies & toast!

Jacket potato if you are having pasta/rice?

nochips · 09/04/2014 11:31

Sorry 13loki. it really sounds like a total nightmare!

Beamur · 09/04/2014 11:34

She is a grown up and gets to choose what she eats, yabu if you try and treat her like a child. Many fussy eaters don't enjoy being fussy or do it to piss other people off.
How hard would it be to accomodate really, buy some gluten free bread, stick it in the freezer and get a couple of slices out for her a day. Ditto the rice, pasta etc, get some gluten free stuff in for her, or have frozen chips, jacket spuds that take 5 mins to microwave.
Personally I'd make an effort to makes guests feel welckme and that it's not too much trouble to feed them something they like to eat.

Oneaddoneisthree · 09/04/2014 11:35

Depends where OP lives whether allergy products like gluten free bread are available. Certainly not in Asia where we are - you're lucky to find bread at all, but rice is available in many varieties. Give her rice - no one is allergic to that!

Original poster
13loki · 09/04/2014 11:39

The bread is the only new thing. What usually happens is I end up in tears because I'm treated like I'm being unreasonable in wanting to feed my family a healthy diet and I think that we shouldn't be setting a precedent that "I don't like it" when you haven't tried it is acceptable.

I have tried to cater for her, I have bought the bread, I checked what toiletries they use and bought them for their bathroom. I do as many pick and mix/smorgasbord type meals as possible, so that it's not as obvious to the kids that she doesn't have to follow the rules.

TBF, DH would probably cook half the time anyway. God knows what we'll eat.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 09/04/2014 11:41

The feeling that I'm getting is that you don't like her very much anyway, and so the pandering is a step too far. I have an acquaintance who lurches from one faddy diet to another, so you never can tell what she will or won't be eating from one encounter to the next.
I wouldn't be buying lots of stuff in advance, it could turn out to be the wrong sort. I'd ask her for a list of things she'd like to have available over the fortnight, cook as normal for everyone else and if she said 'Oh no, I don't want to be a bother' I'd smile happily and take her literally.
I certainly wouldn't bother getting annoyed or fussed about it.
You can go for a couple of weeks without food, just keep her liquids topped up and she'll be fine Grin

Goblinchild · 09/04/2014 11:43

'What usually happens is I end up in tears because I'm treated like I'm being unreasonable in wanting to feed my family a healthy diet'

No.
Not good. Bright and breezy and cheerful is the way to go, she can eat whatever shit she likes, but you set the rules for your family.

mrsscoob · 09/04/2014 11:43

I would get a meal in for the first night and then go on a big shop all together so she can choose some food for herself.

You are not going to change her though so don't worry about her setting precedents there is not much you can do about that. Its not her fault really if she breaks rules you have set for your kids. She was probably brought up that way. Just because she isn't eating something, doesn't mean the kids have to get away with it.

wobblyweebles · 09/04/2014 11:46

Maybe you could try asking her to cook a few meals? I am also abroad and my parents often cook for us when they come to stay.