to ask whether anybody else has wasted all their potential?

[wastedpotential]

I'm 36 and career-wise, my life has gone nowhere. I don't see an immediate way of changing that, so it's not answers I'm after - but it would make me feel better if I knew I wasn't the only one because I don't know anybody in RL who has messed up like me.

I had a promising start. Passed the 11 plus, did very well at GCSE and A Level, went on to get a 2:1 in English from a Russell Group uni. And that's where it ended.

I've never had a graduate job or used my degree. A combination of immaturity, lack of direction but most of all a massive lack of self confidence meant that I never even attempted to apply for anything or pursue any kind of career. I fell into soul destroying call centre work which I did until I had my DD 3 years ago.

I'm now back at work part-time. It's not in a call centre - it's a far more pleasant job - but it is on minimum wage & I don't see a huge amount of progression in either salary nor responsibility. I do feel grateful to have the job, especially as it was the first one I applied for since having DD, but I can't help thinking that I'm worth more than minimum wage (I earnt significantly more previously but took time out to be a SAHM, and wouldn't have wanted to go back to a call centre anyway.)

Without wanting to blow my own trumpet, I look back on my life and think that in theory, I could have done anything. I am so full of regret. I'd love to retrain in something, but we can't afford fees & for me not to be working. Unless we come into some money or DH gets a significant payrise, I'm stuck. I've got a good 30 years of working left and it's a depressing prospect.

Thank you if you got to the end of this - can anybody relate to how I feel?

You should definitely consider applying for a graduate scheme. I work in a male dominated industry, and hire graduates into a variety of roles, including sales. You don't have to have just graduated, and our Sales graduates get comprehensive education, as you have experience in a call centre that would be attractive to our managers - although our roles are field sales. We are also keen to get more female applicants.. We have 2 mature male graduates currently on the programme, both in their late 30s/early 40s I think - after career changes. Our grad starting salary is £30k, with most of our jobs based in London/SE, but we do have some elsewhere.

Whilst our grads to tend to join full time, as an organisation we have a strong ethos of flexible working - so for example I do flexible hours, and typically work from home a couple of days a week. DH works for the same company and he typically works from home 3-4 days a week.

If you applied and were successful, then you could ask about flexible hours, we have a reasonable number of people doing compressed hours - so typically 90% of full time, over 4 days. As there is a lot of education in the first 2 years, it would be difficult to do say 3 days a week for that period, but after that, I would expect it to be possible.

I will PM you a link to our Sales Graduate Scheme. We're not accepting applications at the moment, but will re-open again in the summer. It would be worth your applying really just to see how you get on and find out more about the sorts of opportunities we have.

I am currently retraining and couldn't be happier, I am 41
I spent years scared to try to achieve anything as I thought I would fail I understand well that lack of self confidence.
I did earn well pre dc and achieved promotions etc, but not doing what I really wanted and felt empty really.
It is very definitely not too late Op

Yes,

I did well at school but left at 16, moved out of home and spent a decade or so bumming around squats and traveller sites. Ended up at 25, homeless with no qualifications above GCSE level and no work history.

You haven't "ended up" anywhere OP. You are still young enough to do more with yourself.

In my case, I started volunteering in the CAB. Then got a paid job in advice work from there. I did an OU degree in a relevant subject in the evenings. Now I earn £30,000 a year doing very challenging and interesting work in the voluntary sector, own a house and have a nice family.

You can do it! As your working part time, could you take some time to do voluntary work or take a course that might improve your prospects?

Oh come on you are only 36! you have another 30 years of employment left, not even half way through if you work to full retirement age. In the US most graduates get there degrees, have a family then start there career once the child rearing is done so they dont have to take a break. If you want a career then the chance is still out there for a good few years yet. Good luck finding something you love and enjoy the down time now.

I didn't know that sherbertpips That's an interesting cultural difference.

I was about to start a similar thread! Had the same row w DH last night that we've been having for 3 yrs. Also have 2.1 in English and pre children worked in publishing for 11 yrs and was moderately successful but wanted to be a SAHM while children were small. DH and I always agreed that I would go back to work when DD2 started school. However it's not that easy I haven't worked for 8 yrs, and don't feel that working full time in a proper career will work for us as a family as DH already works long hours and we would have pay for childcare. DH however thinks I should have trained as a teacher cos then I would have a full time wage while working school hours only - my family are all teachers and I know how ridiculously far from the truth this is but he is still angry with me for not doing teacher training. In his eyes I have let him down and it is making me feel like a total failure. Am actually training as a LSA this yr and am hopeful of a paid role at current school in Sept but DH thinks it's too poorly paid and too part time and as a graduate I should be doing something more. Currently wish I'd never become a SAHM, I still think it was best for DCs but have got to face rest of my like with a DH who thinks I'm a failure. Sorry, prob should have started sep thread but reading everyone's posts at least makes me feel I'm not alone.

Me too. I've got a 2.1 degree but now I'm carer to my 2 DC's with SN and SAHM to my other 2 DC's. I planned to have my career when DC's were at school (had DC1 at 24 so plenty of time for a career later I thought). But then I had 2 DC with SN and I can't imagine my DS4 ever being well enough to not need me caring for him.

your husband should not make you feel that way, especially if he supported the decision for you to be sahm. It's never too late. You are certainly young enough to retrain.

OP there are so many ways you can re-train and/or study whilst working. You do it part-time. Lots of advice out there are well if you are musing as to what to do. Some good advice on here, too. You are only 36! Have a good think about what inpires you, what you'd really like to do, and how to get into the field via gaining the necessary qualifications. Then just go for it. I too feel I could have done more at times - I went to Catholic Grammar, also got good A Levels and a degree - but Im happy in what I do and thats the main thing for me.

Im a terrible procrastinator - but my own kick up the backside has been, you only get 1 life and its yours to live. 'If only' or 'why didn't I' is ok at 36 - after all we don't always know for definite what we want to do and you can be about many things in life. But as you know, 'If only' or 'why didn't I' isn't going to be nice at all in say 10/20 years time.

I didnt take the plunge to retrain and go into self-employment until I was 37, and by that time Id been thinking about doing so for a few years. Im 50 now. Ive had 13 years so far doing something I love, that still after all this time inspires me. Thats after spending 14 years in a job that I liked at 1st, then thought was just ok, and finally really hated. There's hope and opportunity for us all

'DH however thinks I should have trained as a teacher cos then I would have a full time wage while working school hours only - my family are all teachers and I know how ridiculously far from the truth this is but he is still angry with me for not doing teacher training. In his eyes I have let him down and it is making me feel like a total failure.'

Sprogstersmum it's very unfair of your husband to make you feel this way and to 'blame' you for not becoming a teacher. Did he choose his career based on whether or not he'd have children in the future?

Rabbit lady, thank you:)

Oh God, you're me - receipt I don't even have the excuse of children...

A in 11+, went to a top selective grammar, wasn't focused on school as I was heavy into sports, I got good enough A-levels and went to an RG uni, read economics, got a 2:1.

Was too worried about ' jinxing' my degree result that I didn't apply for graduate jobs in my final year, plus I had absolutely zero confidence. Started working in an insurance role in a call-centre because it was the first job I was offered after I graduated.

Did 6 years there, was quite clearly more capable than 95% of the others there but didn't have the confidence initially to push for all the promotions I should have. I'd see people who I didn't think were very good at all get promoted and exude confidence about things they knew nothing about, and yet I still couldn't bring myself to put myself forward, even though I knew I could do it better and was very highly regarded.

Recently, I decided it wasn't challenging me at all anymore and the promotions were into roles that I wasn't interested in (people management, but i like technical stuff), I went for a job that I thought was way beyond me at a different company "just for the experience" and I bloody got it!

I still look at all my friends from uni who applied for graduate jobs and got one, or did accountancy, and I think what a waste. But I'll stick at it. My new employer seems keen to support further learning and training, so I may yet go back and do a more specialised Masters or an MBA.

Ellie tiny my son is 23 and severely autistic as well having Touretes and mental health issues developed over the last few years. He's never been to school. I did home ed. He is fab and I never thought there would be a time when he didn't need me to the fullest extent, or that I would be able to leave him with others. But that time is here, in fact it arrived two years ago and I have a team of 3 full time carers who help care for him. You get to an age where you just don't have it in you full time anymore, physically or mentally, and you have to face facts. There is also the reality that one day they will be without us and as upsetting as it is I wanted to start the process from now. For my son to have others in his life looking after him apart from me. I don't count my other children and husband in it because a though they are a huge part of his life - I'm his mum.

I hope this has made sense.

yes yes and yes i m not reading the rest of the thread because im 39 and it depresses me i have so many ideas im good at a lot of things and im a sahm which i love but i know i can do more till i pick up my baby then i dot want to do more (until he is asleep then my mind goes wandering)

I am full of regret and frustration about my wasted potential. I am 42 and have a Doctorate in science from Oxbridge. Before I had finished my thesis I had been offered a job lecturing at my University, which I took.

Since then, it's all gone downhill - I moved countries and got a job as a Senior Lecturer at the local Community College, which they pretty much forced me to quit when I had DC1. After DC2 I split with DP and had to scramble to take any job I could get - I am now basically the receptionist/book-keeper in a tiny office, where I feel completely trapped. I can't leave because I get no support from ExDP and there are no unemployment benefits here. I haven't used my brain in years and it makes me want to cry.

I wish I could go back to research - I was so, so happy doing that. I would love to be a defence analyst, but I've no idea how to go about retraining for it, and it's too late anyway.

I was the freakishly clever one in my year at grammar school. I have a degree and an MA and I have never had a graduate level job, and earn less than a lot of school-leavers. I am 39.

I don't have children.

I have MH issues (anxiety/OCD) which make it really difficult for me to pursue anything that I don't know I'll succeed it to start with.

I am toying with the idea of doing an OU degree in Engineering, because I'm good academically and with an engineering degree, I'm pretty sure even I can't stay on (close to ) minimum wage forever.

At 40 people still have 30 years of working ahead of them (maybe more, who knows what the future holds) so it's never too late to try to make a change.

I bloody hope it's not too late!! I, too, got v good GCSEs, A-Levels and a 2:1 from a RG uni. I did have a career at the BBC..... then I had DCs and, career-wise, it all went tits up! Am retraining now and will qualify just before my 41st b'day, so am hoping this will be a new start. OP, you're definitely young enough to start over. Good luck

I have nothing of note in my life. Hysterectomy at 25 so no kids of my own then lost my career and slowly gave up work at 38 due to my disability worsening. So no kids no career no job. Yes it is very depressing and horrid. I would have been happy with either a career or kids. We were also turned down for adoption.

So. Yes it is horrible most of the time when you think about it all.

On the other hand, I think a lot of people with amazing careers waste their lives just as much as I have. I know a lot of people who hate their jobs and their lives, but are trapped by mortgages and by expectations.

I have no expectations and no obligations. I could put my stuff in storage and clear off tomorrow. Some people who earn 10 times what I do envy me.

I do think we worry to much about living up to our potential.

Me too!

Got a 2.1 degree from a Russell Group Uni, did the law conversion course ( but was really just to prove to my dad I wasn't stupid ). Had worked in criminal law but knew it wasn't where I wanted to spend my life and didn't have the confidence to apply for more high powered jobs. Had a series of low paid and unfulfilling jobs. Eventually got a job as a trainer for a charity which I loved. Unfortunately I got made redundant and ended up being a carer for my dad who has dementia and is practically blind.

He's now gone into a care home and I need to get a job but I just don't know where to turn. The training world seems to have been overtaken by e learning, something I have no skills in and I feel utterly useless at the moment.

I'm in my late 40s and feel it's too late to retrain although I know the thing I would love to do ( and should have done years ago) which is to be a psychotherapist. I've been looking into High Intensity therapists in the NHS which use CBT to help people. It's something I know I would be really good at but there is a catch 22 about applying as to get a job you need a qualification but to get on a course you need to have experience!

Feel v stuck and despondent right now. But glad I'm not alone in it!

Anyone know any good careers counsellors..?

Its not too late for us! Am 35, just split from h, sahm to two small kids on benefits. At school I got straight as, first from a russell group uni, but followed dh around supporting him during his doctorate and while I enjoyed a career as a journalisr, I left my last job in a difft country to have dc. But as soon as dd is school age Im off to become a nurse, fees paid, burseries for parents which dont affect ctc and there arecourses for grads that are just over 2 years. With a fair wind we've got 40 years left. Thats far too long for regrets but just right for an adventure!

Love your spirit Poppet!

Yep, wasted my abilities totally. Have bounced from dead end job to dead end job. I'm 40, feel like my career is never going to happen. Even though I'm an OU student, I feel like I've left it all too late.

Then to cap it all, I find out today that my work contract isn't being extended. Back to the job hunt.