husband forgot my birthday and I just can't get over it

[pigwidgeon991]

Completely forgot my birthday and had to be reminded that morning. Absolutely no effort whatsoever to make it up to me in any way. Came home and said I was going to go out at lunch and buy you a new mop (sad) but I didn't have time. Cried about it last night and he was very very sorry but I just can't get my head round why he hasn't tried to make it up to me. I can think of ten thousand things he could have done. He could even have just sent me an email in the day saying I'm so sorry for forgetting I love you, you are marvellous let's go out for dinner together sometime soon or something.

I know he isn't going to try and make it up to me so I need to just try and forget about it but I feel just so so sad and can't shake it. I am desperate for him to just make a little effort to make me feel cared about. Feel like such a blob of a person just bearing children, cooking meals, going to work etc. Want to be made to feel a bit special, attractive, girly etc for once. While he is wonderful he never ever makes me feel special of attractive or does anything nice for me. He is a great DH though and I'm sure very helpful with life stuff compared to some husbands (still obviously isn't 50/50 though).

Normally I wouldn't expect much at all on my birthday, don't think it is a huge deal. Just wanted a cup of tea, card and a little something to open. Now I feel like every hour that goes by that he still hasn't made it up to me I want something more to make up for it.

So tell me, AIBU? As in is this just marriage and really in the scheme of things not so bad when your DH is a lovely person?

I wish some people would read posts properly.

It isn't 'just' missing a birthday. It's all the lack of thought and kindness surrounding everything that's the problem.

The birthday just highlights it.

OP, how completely crap for you. You're not being unreasonable but your husband is. Please choose one of the days this weekend and tell him you nominate it to be your belated birthday and expect to be made a proper fuss of that day. He has time to sort his shit out before then and you can look forward to the day, the way you're meant to before a birthday.

It's called "Being taken for granted".

It happens when your happiness is low on his list of priorities.

op are you me? it was my birthday yesterday too belated happy birthday wishes
'dp' got me the cheapest card possible that was a joke instead if the nice sentimental ones we usually get each other, I got a present (a nice bracelet with dcs names engraved on) that I chose and bought myself and gave to dd to wrap which according to him is a cheep piece of tat.
I organised my own party (just a get together in the local pub, it was my 30th would never usually do this) because he didn't see why it was his job to arrange anything and even though we spent the day together he just sat on the iPad and kept falling asleep, didn't want to go for lunch/ cinema with ds or anything because he was tired and wanted a day relaxing I totally understand your feeling under appreciated.

My DH forgot my birthday one year too! It's one thing I'll never let him forget and he gets mortified when I bring it up!

OP I would be planning how to make his next birthday as miserable as possible for what he's done to you. I would propose buggering off to some sort of spa thing and spending some money on yourself to whatever value you would reasonably expect him to have spent on you, and leaving him to have the children for the day would be a good starting point. if he comes up trumps in the meantime with a lovely albeit belated birthday celebration for you then you won't need to go through with it. don't forget that perfect planning prevents poor performance ...

OP I'm so sorry. It's the fact that you told him explicitely how you felt and what would make it better and he couldn't be arsed.

It doesn't matter what the topic is, it's just that ..

I get it. He needs to stop taking you for granted

Do you give a present to him on his birthday? If he doesn't celebrate his own that's fair enough. But the majority of people in the uk celebrate birthdays. Does he buy the kids presents? Does he buy you gifts at other times of the year instead? Ie something catches his eye or when a book by your fave author or a cd by your fave band is released?

I am not OTT re birthdays but I do expect presents and cards from my dh and children, just like I get them presents on their birthdays. God it would suck if you didn't occasionally treat your family to little gifts! Surely that's a fun and considerate thing to do!

My DH was beyond shite at my last birthday but luckily his was two weeks later and had exactly the same treatment in return.

He is pretty damn useless at presents, love tokens, spontaneous gestures of affection etc. it winds me up no end but then I reciprocate and tell him exactly why I'm behaving the way I am. It has, s l o w l y got better over the years but he can still fuck up spectacularly like last birthday.

I feel your pain. Buy him the fucking mop for HIS birthday. Two days later.

I'm eagerly awaiting what wonderful present he is going to buy you to make up for it. Perhaps he'll buy you a steam cleaner instead of the mop.........

I shouldn't mock, I hope he buys or does something lovely for you.

I heard this phrase the other day and I think you need to say it to your husband: "It is better to be well done than well said." He has been thoughtless and inconsiderate at best. Callous, harsh and neglectful at worst.

For me I would need a grovelling apology, flowers, presents, dinner out, etc before I even considered forgiving. This doesn't mean I'm a princess but I do expect to be treated well and shown love and appreciation as I do to my other half.

A deal breaker for me I'm afraid.

I agree xena, but op h hasn't even said it well. I hope he has made it up to her and then some. It's not about tge birthday per se, but a lack of appreciation and being taken for granted.

not surprised you are pissed off hurt and angry and sad

so would i be if dp forgot my birthday!!!

as you said he could have come home with a card/chocolates/flowers/bubbly (tho preg)

or said sorry and lets go out at the weekend etc

pressies etc are lovely and always nice, but i would expect a card if nothing else

I understand you are hurt.
Last year my husband didn't give me anything for my birthday, because "if I want something, I can order it from Amazon". But when he heard my parents were coming round, he made me wrap something I had bought myself a few weeks before and open it in front of them, pretending to be surprised.

sadsaddersaddest.......he "made you" wrap something up? Soumds like a controlfreak to me. Best give him a swift kick in the nuts to re-educate him that someone doesnt "make" a loved one do anything in that context

hmsdad there is a huge backstory, of course. I got great support and advice on the Relationships board, and I know this is not normal behaviour.

What's the latest OP? Any gift materialised yet? Or do you get the feeling he is waiting for it all to blow over and be forgotten about?

ZOMBIE THREAD!!

And paul - if you want to advertise on MN you have to pay for the pleasure!

And "stumble across"? Really? How fortuitous!

Oi HQ over 'ere!

Take that mop and shove it vertiginously straight up his arse. Twat.

Tell him a mop is the worst present I can think of. Even zombies could come up with something better than a mop!