husband forgot my birthday and I just can't get over it

[pigwidgeon991]

Completely forgot my birthday and had to be reminded that morning. Absolutely no effort whatsoever to make it up to me in any way. Came home and said I was going to go out at lunch and buy you a new mop (sad) but I didn't have time. Cried about it last night and he was very very sorry but I just can't get my head round why he hasn't tried to make it up to me. I can think of ten thousand things he could have done. He could even have just sent me an email in the day saying I'm so sorry for forgetting I love you, you are marvellous let's go out for dinner together sometime soon or something.

I know he isn't going to try and make it up to me so I need to just try and forget about it but I feel just so so sad and can't shake it. I am desperate for him to just make a little effort to make me feel cared about. Feel like such a blob of a person just bearing children, cooking meals, going to work etc. Want to be made to feel a bit special, attractive, girly etc for once. While he is wonderful he never ever makes me feel special of attractive or does anything nice for me. He is a great DH though and I'm sure very helpful with life stuff compared to some husbands (still obviously isn't 50/50 though).

Normally I wouldn't expect much at all on my birthday, don't think it is a huge deal. Just wanted a cup of tea, card and a little something to open. Now I feel like every hour that goes by that he still hasn't made it up to me I want something more to make up for it.

So tell me, AIBU? As in is this just marriage and really in the scheme of things not so bad when your DH is a lovely person?

[Aeroflotgirl]

That is bad, book a lovely restaurant or whatever you enjoy and have fun, he is looking after the kids that day.

[DIYapprentice]

I can't get over the fact that you still made him tea.... I hope you're not going to make him anything tonight?

Words are cheap, he can say sorry to the cows come home. Actions are more important.

[MinginInTheRain]

My birthday was yesterday too. Didn't get anything but DH has health issues at the moment so I am cool with that. Appreciation and kind words and loving actions don't cost anything or need to be in an envelope if he was stupid enough to forget.

Think it matters how bad he feels and how he talks to you about how special you are to him. Cos otherwise what are you to each other.. Flat mates?

Hope he makes it up to you... Presents and all that but really does he care much or is it just a chore to get done til next year?

[SauvignonBlanche]

It's my birthday soon, I think I'll show this thread to DH.

[pigwidgeon991]

Oh bugger, no elephants. Promise of plans being in the works. Sigh

[YouTheCat]

They better be bloody good plans.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Oh dear.

[bakingtins]

I could just about forgive my DH for forgetting but only if he went out and made it up to me spectacularly. I think to have not made the effort 48 hrs later speaks volumes.
Sorry, OP, everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I.e goes done bugger all.

[crispyporkbelly]

It just sounds like he doesn't really care, op. sorry.

[CeliaFate]

YANBU. I would be furious with dh if he forgot my birthday. It's not the amount of money or expensive presents either - it costs hardly anything for a lovely card, a cup of tea in bed, running a bubble bath, taking over the household chores, a carpet picnic, arranging a friend to babysit etc.

The lack of thought and then the lack of care or remorse would make me upset too.

I hope he realises eventually how he's hurt you and makes it up to OP.

[VanitasVanitatum]

Oh op :( cannot believe he came home with nothing again!! Why in earth is he so stubbornly ignoring this issue? You really need to ask him what on earth he is thinking. How hard is a bunch of flowers, a bottle of wine.. Plans in the making is one thing but he should be trying to cheer you up now, as soon as possible!

[BornFreeButinChains]

I really feel for you, I felt like this on Mothers Day. I big blog sprouting children and a skivvy, under valued and MY DH is not a Neanderthal either.

I dont know what to suggest but if you let it slide he will think its all OK.

I think you really need to let him know how upset you are. Do you have family that could help shame him....could your Dad call up and casually ask how he spoiled you etc..

[Littlegreyauditor]

If DH took it upon himself to buy me a mop for my birthday he would find it quickly became a permanent feature of his hind end.

A bloody mop. Seriously.

OP. I'm sorry you had a shitty birthday and I hope your husband manages to redeem himself in spectacular style.

[Fairenuff]

OK I think it's time for some serious talking. Ask what exactly are the 'plans'. Never mind if it spoils a surprise, you need to know what he has actually done. Has he ordered something online, has he booked a table, has he asked someone to babysit, etc?

He needs to start listening to you because right now he is ignoring you and fobbing you off. Spell it out to him or this will just continue.

[WingDefence]

I could just about accept the 'plans in the works' from my DH if he said it with real excitement and apologetically, but I'm guessing from your "sigh" OP that that wasn't the case...?

(Happy birthday to pipbin too.)

[Laquitar]

Call me over the top if you like but to me this is more than 'he doesn't care', 'he doesn't do gifts' etc, this is NASTY. He makes you waiting and hoping. And he ropes you a pleasure. He could fucking stop at M S and grab flowers and a bottle of wine!
It is nasty. He is got the power to keep you unhappy:-(

[Fairenuff]

Whatever he does eventually give you/do for you, make sure you turn it down OP.

Just give it a half-interested glance and say 'nah, that would have been nice two/three/four days ago but now..?' and wander off with a shrug.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

My lovely DH bought me a dyson vacuum for valentine's day - it's ace.

He regularly forgets my birthday, and Mother's Day, (i send his mum a card) and has to be told explicitly about my Christmas pressie.

However, he has trained DC to make coffee for me, and they bring me cups of it in bed. Yum!

I always book a lovely evenings for cocktails with my girlfriends for my birthday and he stays at home with the kids. He doesn't like to celebrate his birthday, and loves long meetings, or all day coding sessions/ complicated presentations to clients all day long on his.

In ordinary time, DH loads and empties the dishwasher, tidies, (and hoovers, with the dyson) makes me tea, recharges my prosecco glass with minimal asking, and does his own laundry. He even feeds the kids nutritious food he cooks himself, from scratch, whenever I'm working in the evenings. As I said he's ace, but crap at birthdays.

Sometimes you have to roll with it OP.

If ou feel generally nappreciated, then you do need to have a meeting to sort it out, with specific action in an agreed timeframe.

Happy birthday btw!

[peggyundercrackers]

Sorry I don't get the being upset at Missing a birthday, like others on here I don't celebrate it and don't buy anyone presents or cards. It's just another day... I can't believe people say they have lab because they haven't got a birthday present, really? The word entitled comes it to mind.

[hamptoncourt]

peggy you sound like a barrel of laughs!! Do you ignore your DC birthdays if you have them? Each to their own, but the vast majority of us do celebrate birthdays and if you are in a relationship with someone who would like to be made to feel special on their birthday, it would seem cruel to deliberately withhold such an effort.

[Clutterbugsmum]

Peggy just because you don't celebrate your birthday it does not mean OP or anyone else is entitled.

OP isn't asking for the moon, she asked for a card and a small gift.

[Laquitar]

I like Fairenuf's idea.
It removes the power from him.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Peggy are you op h in disguise. Just because you don't celebrate your birthday, does not mean others do not! She is nit asking for the whole world and his dog to acknowledge her birthday, but the person who is meant to be her best friend, lover, life partner. It is not much to ask fir a cup of tea and mabey a nice card and nice bunch of flowers. grid there are some miserable people on here.