to think it's rude if children complain about what they're given?

[PuffyPigeon]

My 7 yr old had a habit of greeting a meal with 'but I wanted 4 potatoes' 'but I wanted the sauce and meat separate' etc. Rather than just 'thank you' which I expect. This has now changed because said meal was removed if met with complaints or sulkiness. However, mil doesn't seem to think it's a problem. Dsd, aged 8, greets every meal with 'yuck I hate that/that looks revolting' etc when at mils and mil says nothing but thinks it's ok because dsd thanks her at the end of the meal, even if she's eaten nothing

Aibu to think it's rude behaviour and continue not to allow it in my house? Mil thinks 'children are entitled to their opinion'

I would find it very rude

MiL is a tit then isn't she?

I too think it is rude and have in the past quietly whispered in DC's ear that they should just say thank you and leave what they do not want.

At the end of the day tell your MIL they are your children and how you raise them and what manners you instil in them is yours and DH/DP choice.

I have met adults with this behaviour and they are rarely invited anywhere or cooked for because they are deemed to be ungrateful.

Would a grown up be rude to say something like that? Or just entitled to their opinion?

Just as rude coming from a grown up.

Yanbu they need to learn good manners. Rudeness is not giving an opinion!

I think it's rude too, and would be having words with my son if he did it - he's only 3, and he's entitled to not like something, and so not eat it, but not to generally have a go at what he's been given.

If I ask if he likes something I'll accept the answer though (even if that answer is 'BLERUGH'.

Similar subject, but my heart nearly broke at Christmas when we took him to see Father Christmas, who did the normal 'what do you want for Christmas' routine, then gave DS1 a token gift. DS unwrapped it (a keyring I think) and welling up a bit whispered to me 'I think there's a mistake'

Some people's default position is to assume they won't like something. Very ill mannered in my opinion.

YANBU. Of course children are entitled to their opinions, but they are also entitled to be taught basic social skills which will stand them in good stead throughout their lives. In any case, 'Yuck, it's not what I wanted' isn't really an opinion - it's a gut response, and children are also entitled to be taught how and when to suppress such impulses/express them politely in the interests of living peaceably with other people. So long as you give your children space to talk about their opinions and you take them seriously, they'll be able to learn the difference.

If a child genuinely has a preference like having the gravy separate and expresses it politely then that's fine but she can't dislike all the food so no I would correct her especially as a guest at her grandmothers.

What happens at MILs stays at MILs.

When you feed her offer a more polite way to comment. 'If you would like 4 potatoes ask nicely for another when you have eaten those and of course you may have another!' 'Let's say that politely "what kind of sauce is this, please?" for example'.

Personally I wouldn't do the hardcore taking the plate away with a dsc who was not living permanently in the home and / or unless I was the parent of that child.

If anyone adult or child commented 'disgusting' at a meal someone had prepared for them then I'd think they had appalling manners. You're entitled to your opinion in your head - not out loud.
I simply cannot bear adults who turn their nose up at things put in front of them. Children I'm more understanding of-they just need teaching.

I don't mind if the DC do it to me as I'm their mum and no need for holding it in.

I'd not b empresses if they were doing it to others and would remind them that it isn't polite. you haven't said who is the main carer for your DSD or not but unless its you I would butt out.

YANBU. I can accommodate some reasonable requests in advance - DSD likes her beans in separate bowl, gravy/no gravy, cook preferred veg if I have it in etc, not a problem.

But I will not tolerate being told my meal is yukky etc. That is bad manners. The kids know that the food costs money to buy and my time and effort to prepare, they would not be so rude.

However, I appreciate that not everyone likes everything. I don't like sprouts or aubergines. If I know someone doesn't like a particular thing, I will try to accommodate/substitute etc within reason. Rule here is, if you don't want something that is on your plate, you leave it without making a scene. Applies to all DSD and DDs. Kids seem to think this is fair.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But it can be made politely and constructively. Nobody is entitled to be rude or disparaging about the cook's efforts.

let de plate up her own food - avoids putting sauce etc over food. Or serve everyone from central dishes so they can take what they need - allow her some autocracy over what she eats, maybe she's just growing up so allow her to be responsible for plating her own food.

Very very rude behaviour. I'd send my child to their room if they said yuck when I placed a meal on the table in front if them.

I also can't be doing with children overreacting to carrots to touching their potatoes of being upset they have the wrong plate/cutlery etc. Thankfully mine don't

I also can't be doing with children overreacting to carrots to touching their potatoes of being upset they have the wrong plate/cutlery etc. Thankfully mine don't

DS does all that, he has AS, sadly some people are ignorant and judgemental about it.

How bloody rude.

I think it's rude. I also know its a phase that a lot of children go to at some point. I think you are right to try to teach your children not to do it.

I understand if when he's at Grandma's, she doesn't tell him off, as she's probably wise enough not to start criticising her grandchildren's manners in front of her DiL. She's probably a MNer and knows she would be ripped to shreds on here if she dared to even think of telling off her DiLs dc

Bad mannered, whether adult or child

If your child is a fussy eater (and not necessary a child) its more reasonable to ask before serving how they would like their meal.

YANBU, to say "yuk, that looks revolting" to a meal is the height of bad manners when someone has just cooked for you, whether as a child or as an adult!
Of course children are entitled to an opinion, but that doesn't include being downright rude.
I'd tell mine just to leave anything they didn't fancy,and not to be so rude in future as it's not a nice thing to say!

BackForGood has a point....

My dm thinks the sun shines out of my dd's arses so would do the same - so what?

They are with you most of the time and as long as you are teaching them manners and what's acceptable and what's not they will get it.

They'll realise they can get away with murder at grandmas, which is true of a lot of grandparents and it's lovely really. Grandparents are allowed to spoil and only see the good in their gc, aren't they?

Sauvignon - good point and something for others to bear in mind