to think it's rude if children complain about what they're given?

[PuffyPigeon]

My 7 yr old had a habit of greeting a meal with 'but I wanted 4 potatoes' 'but I wanted the sauce and meat separate' etc. Rather than just 'thank you' which I expect. This has now changed because said meal was removed if met with complaints or sulkiness. However, mil doesn't seem to think it's a problem. Dsd, aged 8, greets every meal with 'yuck I hate that/that looks revolting' etc when at mils and mil says nothing but thinks it's ok because dsd thanks her at the end of the meal, even if she's eaten nothing

Aibu to think it's rude behaviour and continue not to allow it in my house? Mil thinks 'children are entitled to their opinion'

[specialsubject]

children are entitled to an opinion, as are we all, but it is not fair on them not to teach them when it can be expressed and when it should not be.

kids do of course start off by stating the exact truth: 'you're fat' 'that looks silly' 'I hate that' but that has to be trained out of them (SN permitting of course).

doesn't always happen, given the number of people on here who have been given unasked-for opinions on their weight, their outfit, their hair...

[BerylStreep]

Puffy, I read your other thread about your DD and her Dad creating issues with food.

Personally, given that context, I would try to make meal-times as free from conflict as possible.

With my DC, I ask them what they want for dinner before I start making it. I also do a narrative as I serve out - 'how many potatoes would you like? Would you like me to cut that up for you? What about butter? Ketchup on the side or all over? etc. It gives them a sense of control, and reduces the opportunity for 'but I wanted my sauce separate!'

They are expected to try everything before claiming that they don't like it, and I will always praise them for trying, even if they don't eat the rest.

I do have a firm rule though about thanking the person who prepared the meal at the end, and asking to be excused from the table.

[DeWe]

A friend's little boy (about 2yo-3yo) was sitting having dinner with us when he said in a very polite voice "Excuse me DeWe and Mr DeWe, but this is absolutely revolting!"

Was terribly funny, although we tried not to show it, because he'd obviously been mulling over in his mind how to politely say he didn't like it. Unfortunately he missed with his tact.

[PuffyPigeon]

The thing is dsd is given choices about what meal she would like and how she'd like it served. All the children prefer beans/peas etc in a separate bowl and that's fineby me. HHowever when they've had choice over it and still greet it with 'i hate that/that's disgusting' I think that's incredibly rude. It's just difficult as she seems to survive on fish fingers at home so anything else is met with repulsion.

[StrawberryTot]

YANBU it is rude, my DC's also know not to complain, as I just remove the food. My niece on the other hand argh!!!!!! Every meal is met with
'ergh, I don't like it',
I ask 'what is it?',
Dn replies 'I don't know'
me 'argh!!!!!!'
Apparently today she doesn't like sausage but she ate 3 the other day

[anonacfr]

I agree. We've had a few threads about fussy eating and whatever the reasons and opinions people have, manners are still manners.

[NobodyLivesHere]

The fact my son would breakdown and howl if his veg touched was one of the first inclinings of his ASD. however I still try and explain to him that 'yuck' is not an acceptable response to food.

[IwinIwin]

My brothers went through this phase. My mum took to letting us late up our own which pleased my littliest brother since he looks dry food and hates things 'mixing'. He'll plate up his own pasta and eat it dry, can't stand sauces.

This also differentiated him from fussy fucker aka my other brother who was just rude and narky. My mum started saying 'that's a shame, better give you toast then' and giving him two slices of toast while we all enjoyed our meals. After about four days he stopped being so rude and actually said 'can i have some please' when my mum handed him the plate waiting for the 'this looks like gross, i don't want it'. Big win for my mum.

[Comeatmefam]

Sauvignon - good point and something for others to bear in mind

[Comeatmefam]

My dm thinks the sun shines out of my dd's arses so would do the same - so what?

They are with you most of the time and as long as you are teaching them manners and what's acceptable and what's not they will get it.

They'll realise they can get away with murder at grandmas, which is true of a lot of grandparents and it's lovely really. Grandparents are allowed to spoil and only see the good in their gc, aren't they?

[Blu]

BackForGood has a point....

[BethCalavicci]

YANBU, to say "yuk, that looks revolting" to a meal is the height of bad manners when someone has just cooked for you, whether as a child or as an adult!
Of course children are entitled to an opinion, but that doesn't include being downright rude.
I'd tell mine just to leave anything they didn't fancy,and not to be so rude in future as it's not a nice thing to say!

[Nataleejah]

If your child is a fussy eater (and not necessary a child) its more reasonable to ask before serving how they would like their meal.

[AmIthatWintry]

Bad mannered, whether adult or child

[BackforGood]

I think it's rude. I also know its a phase that a lot of children go to at some point. I think you are right to try to teach your children not to do it.

I understand if when he's at Grandma's, she doesn't tell him off, as she's probably wise enough not to start criticising her grandchildren's manners in front of her DiL. She's probably a MNer and knows she would be ripped to shreds on here if she dared to even think of telling off her DiLs dc

[CoffeeTea103]

How bloody rude.

[SauvignonBlanche]

I also can't be doing with children overreacting to carrots to touching their potatoes of being upset they have the wrong plate/cutlery etc. Thankfully mine don't

DS does all that, he has AS, sadly some people are ignorant and judgemental about it.

[Barbaralovesroger]

Very very rude behaviour. I'd send my child to their room if they said yuck when I placed a meal on the table in front if them.

I also can't be doing with children overreacting to carrots to touching their potatoes of being upset they have the wrong plate/cutlery etc. Thankfully mine don't

[maddening]

let de plate up her own food - avoids putting sauce etc over food. Or serve everyone from central dishes so they can take what they need - allow her some autocracy over what she eats, maybe she's just growing up so allow her to be responsible for plating her own food.

[everydayaschoolday]

YANBU. I can accommodate some reasonable requests in advance - DSD likes her beans in separate bowl, gravy/no gravy, cook preferred veg if I have it in etc, not a problem.

But I will not tolerate being told my meal is yukky etc. That is bad manners. The kids know that the food costs money to buy and my time and effort to prepare, they would not be so rude.

However, I appreciate that not everyone likes everything. I don't like sprouts or aubergines. If I know someone doesn't like a particular thing, I will try to accommodate/substitute etc within reason. Rule here is, if you don't want something that is on your plate, you leave it without making a scene. Applies to all DSD and DDs. Kids seem to think this is fair.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But it can be made politely and constructively. Nobody is entitled to be rude or disparaging about the cook's efforts.

[MamaPain]

I don't mind if the DC do it to me as I'm their mum and no need for holding it in.

I'd not b empresses if they were doing it to others and would remind them that it isn't polite. you haven't said who is the main carer for your DSD or not but unless its you I would butt out.

[defineme]

If anyone adult or child commented 'disgusting' at a meal someone had prepared for them then I'd think they had appalling manners. You're entitled to your opinion in your head - not out loud.
I simply cannot bear adults who turn their nose up at things put in front of them. Children I'm more understanding of-they just need teaching.

[Blu]

What happens at MILs stays at MILs.

When you feed her offer a more polite way to comment. 'If you would like 4 potatoes ask nicely for another when you have eaten those and of course you may have another!' 'Let's say that politely "what kind of sauce is this, please?" for example'.

Personally I wouldn't do the hardcore taking the plate away with a dsc who was not living permanently in the home and / or unless I was the parent of that child.

[TheKnightsThatSayNee]

If a child genuinely has a preference like having the gravy separate and expresses it politely then that's fine but she can't dislike all the food so no I would correct her especially as a guest at her grandmothers.