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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
HelloBoys · 04/04/2014 13:39

N YADNBU.

Disgusting behaviour from all concerned (apart from you two), you can't really be annoyed at the TTC couple though.

It makes it worse though when obviously BG is childhood friend of your DH and obviously they feel so strongly about this that BG is prepared to let that friendship grow or be limited because of this.

3 cheers to your MIL too and DH.

Noseypoke · 04/04/2014 13:41

Wow, they are bonkers! YANBU.

HelloBoys · 04/04/2014 13:44

Excuse me if I haven't read (have read all OP's posts) but what are the sister's feelings in this? Has she actually SAID that she'd be upset seeing another pregnant woman etc? surely the BG knows his friend and DW well so knows how sensitive they are/are not etc about this.

for all they know they would maybe be a bit upset at having you there but would deal it for the wedding etc.

Also, say if you did go or anyone else pregnant went, well I take it its a resort or island - so apart from wedding you or the other person would most likely be seen around and about. And you shouldn't have to hide in some hotel room! how ridiculous!

hope this gets sorted out OP.

KatnipEvergreen · 04/04/2014 13:44

"You took the chance when you booked"

What chance? How could anyone have possibly have anticipated being uninvited for being pregnant?

NotNewButNameChanged · 04/04/2014 13:45

HelloBoys - what the hell is there to sort out?????

Divinity · 04/04/2014 13:46

Enjoy your lovely family holiday and don't give those two a second thought.

I second the nomination for MN Twat of the year awards - category Bride/Groom Zillas

FairPhyllis · 04/04/2014 13:48

Well that conversation and the text to you has made it clear that they are just not worth having as friends. I fear it is not just temporary wedding insanity, but general twattishness that was concealed until now.

I would broadcast it far and wide why you are not going to the wedding.

I bet the sister will be mortified if she finds out they have done this and discussed her with others.

KatnipEvergreen · 04/04/2014 13:52

You should send them this:

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!
lauren222 · 04/04/2014 13:58

The bride and groom are being totally unreasonable. To be honest I wouldn't go to the wedding and I would be very offended if my husband wanted to go without me after being treated like that. Can you get a refund on the accommodation bit only? If so, you can still use the flights and book somewhere else for a nice holiday.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 04/04/2014 14:00

If the bride's sister gets pregnant before August, will you get re invited?? ConfusedHmm

JennySense · 04/04/2014 14:00

I bet when the bride gets pregnant they'll be mortified at their own behaviour.

The poor sister - been there myself but pregnant women in general didn't bother me as I only wanted DH's baby not a random one :)

FairPhyllis · 04/04/2014 14:01

This, btw, is the natural consequence of the attitude that brides and grooms are super special snowflakes entitled to demand anything of wedding guests - even that their friend hides his pregnant wife away for a week on a summer holiday and pays for the privilege of doing it!

missingmumxox · 04/04/2014 14:01

I have read the whole thread and I don't think anybody has mentioned this but...

Years ago I was going to a wedding abroad, it was my first holiday after the death of my father being his carer and fertility (futility) treatment, all my friends going had had an outbreak of fecundity and the wedding looked as though it could be more like a nursery,

I could of decided not to go, I didn't. I decided the final straw was having to cancel my IVF due to it clashing with my dad's funeral, so I would just get on with life until such time the hospital could fit me in again a vauge time frame of 6 months was given.

Gradually most friends decided the logistics of babies was too much and left them with grateful grandparents.

However by the time if the wedding 2 people where 12 weeks, not huge but both obvious wearing swimming costumes.

One of them was me!

August is a fuck of a long time away, my pregnancy was IVF. A sudden place became available only a few weeks after being told 6 months wait.

They are going to look even more like fuck wits if the sister is pregnant by then!

Littlegreyauditor · 04/04/2014 14:13

I admire your dignity and restraint OP. Forget rising above I'd be sinking below and doing it with style. Everyone I know would be told why we were no longer attending. I would probably start with a Facebook gloat about the "lovely surprise family holiday" that I was now having since I "no longer have to attend that wedding" and take it from there.

Then again, long experience with an entirely unreasonable extended family has taught me that dignified silence merely allows the ill reared brats to disseminate their version of events. I just refuse to allow the perpetrators of bad behaviour to have things their own way.

nauticant · 04/04/2014 14:14

I'm guessing when the other mutual friends ask why you're not going, they are going to tell them

I'd say they're more likely to come up with a load of old pony that is wholly unrelated to the truth.

Good on DH for dropping the ball completely and then sorting it out.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/04/2014 14:15

That's very tempting Martha Grin

Littletabbyocelot · 04/04/2014 14:21

Nauticant, I agree that's what people most people would do if they'd behaved this badly, but as they live on an alternative planet where they've behaved reasonably and the OPs behaviour is outrageous they might expect mutual friends to side with them anyway.

MrsKoala · 04/04/2014 14:21

Personally i think dignity is overrated, i'd be going at it full on fishwife stylee. You'd be able to hear me in space! Everyone would know what had happened and there'd be some choice texts in reply to the groom.

I applaud you op. You are a better person than me.

miramar · 04/04/2014 14:23

If asked , the b&g could explain the OP's absence as "oh she decided against it after finding out she was pregnant". They are selfish but could rewrite history.

BeCool · 04/04/2014 14:27

I don't usually think it is a great idea but in this case I think all the OP needs to do is send B&G a link to this thread.

Or post a link to the thread up on FB and invite comments.

Oldraver · 04/04/2014 14:29

Well B+G could re-write history and say OP had decided against...but I'm assuming all their friends would no OP and family are having a now family holiday a few weeks before. In the same Hotel.

CruCru · 04/04/2014 14:35

Thing is, my IVF clinic was full of toddlers as couples who'd had successful treatment went back for a second. They are being mental.

Ilikepancakes · 04/04/2014 14:36

Bloody hell your friends sound insane! You've done the right thing and you definitely don't need friends like that. It's just a shame they have dictated your holiday plans for this year. To put anybody under this kind of stress is unreasonable let alone a pregnant lady! I wonder how she would feel if when she gets pregnant somebody excludes her from a social event - let alone at the last minute at great expense to her. Try to move on as this stress can't be good for you :(

Imnotmadeofeyes · 04/04/2014 14:41

Nauticant/miramar

I would agree but at the moment the b&g are adamant they're in the right. If they change their story it means on some level they know they're in the wrong.

On a very immature level that's exactly why I'd be making sure the real version was common knowledge before they had the chance to embellish their version and make me look like a twunt.

ArtisanScotchEgg · 04/04/2014 14:43

Thinking on this further - do you think there's a chance when they are saying the sister is having fertility issues, that they actually mean the bride?

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