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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a mother that DS doesn't like her child and doesn't want to come to her party?

64 replies

leftangle · 02/04/2014 15:48

Or should I just invent an excuse on that date and keep the peace.
Children are in reception. DS says the child has been nasty to him (pushing and minor name calling from what I can gather). I don't think it happens that often or is that serious, not something I'd report or be much worried about. They could easily be best friends again soon. DS is not too bothered in general but he doesn't want to socialise (or buy a present). I've told him he doesn't have to go, just not sure whether to tell the truth about why.

OP posts:
Innogen · 02/04/2014 15:49

No don't tell her. It is a needless insult, and she'll take it as an attack rather than 'that's fair, kids aren't always going to be friends.'

Say you are already busy that day, and leave it at that.

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 02/04/2014 15:51

Oh gosh.
We gave out party invitations this morning.
Is it my DS? Confused
Don't tell me - just say you're busy. Blush
And we are really working hard with the school to improve his behaviour. Sad

Pumpkinpositive · 02/04/2014 15:52

Is there a chance your son will tell the birthday boy the truth, thus destroying your diplomatic mission?

Mind you, I think its a rare child who would choose not to a birthday party, (particularly if their friends are going?). At that age, I'd have gone to anyone's, love 'em or loathe 'em, as long as there was ice cream and games. Grin

WeeClype · 02/04/2014 15:52

Lol Cardiff

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2014 15:52

What's the point in telling the truth?

There's every likelihood that she'll be relieved as the child clearly doesn't like your DS either.

Just tell her thanks but you have a prior engagement.

WireCat · 02/04/2014 15:54

Just say he can't make it.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 02/04/2014 15:54

No, politely decline the invitation and say you have plans. Don't tell her your reasons why, unless you think the child is bullying yours.
It sounds like they have just fallen out of favour with each other, and they may well be friends in a week or 2.

Mollydoggerson · 02/04/2014 15:55

Remain polite, no need for any awkwardness, you might need to ask her for a favour next month.

Ladyface · 02/04/2014 15:56

Just say that you are busy and leave it at that. Your DS is only in reception and you may find that both children are in the same class for years to come which could be very awkward if you speak your mind and upset the mum now.

Redtartanshoes · 02/04/2014 15:57

You dint even need to lie and say you are busy.

"Thanks for the invite to Little Johnnys party, unfortunately Sammy won't be able to make it"

Simple

Original poster
leftangle · 02/04/2014 15:57

Brilliant - thanks. Not sure I'd be brave enough to tell the truth anyway. DS brought the invite home but was all sad about the prospect of going, even though there was a dinosaur picture which would usually sell anything to him.

OP posts:
PigletUnrepentant · 02/04/2014 15:57

Ok, how do you feel if you were told by another mum that her child doesn't want to go to yours' birthday party because your child is far too sensitive in the playground?

Honestly, tell you are busy and leave it at that, they will be best friends tomorrow anyway, if the other child had been really mean to yours, he wouldn't have invited him to his party.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 02/04/2014 16:00

No just say you are busy that day. By Y1 or Y2 this other child may have completely changed and your DS may want to be friends with him.

girlywhirly · 02/04/2014 16:00

Agree with the others, just say you have plans/can't make it. If DS isn't particularly bothered about going in any case, just leave it at that.

WipsGlitter · 02/04/2014 16:05

Agree, just say you can't make it.

qazxc · 02/04/2014 16:07

i'd just make an excuse TBH.

meditrina · 02/04/2014 16:09

Make an excuse (possibly one that can reverse itself at 11th hour) as there's a reasonable chance they will be best of friends next week.

Wurstwitch · 02/04/2014 16:13

What meditrina said.

They will be best buddies next week and Ds will be crying about not going.

What on earth would be gained by telling the truth? (Which is possibly influenced by social difficulties on your son's part?)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/04/2014 16:13

Why would you want to upset a 5 year old and cause bad feeling at the school gate? Your life must be hell if you think you should tell the truth without regard for how it makes others feel. "Sorry we're busy that day" is simpler and kinder.

If the child is being unkind to your DS in school that should be tackled separately.

oscarwilde · 02/04/2014 16:13

They'll be friends in a few weeks, she'll never forgive you. Are you mad? Make an excuse, and an actual plan in case DS is asked what he's up to.

formerbabe · 02/04/2014 16:30

You should send him to the party...this child may be at other kids partiesin the future anyway.

You are only hearing your ds side of the story remember.

If you aren't going to send him, then tell the mother now that he can't go, don't wait till the day. That's just nasty. At least give her time to invite someone else in his place.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/04/2014 16:33

What Oscar said.

You have 6.5 more years of seeing her regularly in the playground,

Thumbwitch · 02/04/2014 16:37

No don't tell the truth, it would be needlessly hurtful, unless your DS is being hurt by this other boy in which case you should take it up with the school, I think.

If your Ds is adamant he doesn't want to go, I don't think you should make him either. Why would you do that? tell him that his wishes/feelings are irrelevant and he should just put up and shut up? What kind of message is that sending him?

He might change his mind - but if your excuse for not attending is vague enough, then you might be able to opt back in nearer the time.

Depending on when the party is, I'd leave declaring on his attendance until the last possible moment, to see which way things are going.

mumofthemonsters808 · 02/04/2014 16:44

No, just make an excuse. You have many school years ahead of you, when it may be necessary to confront, ignore, argue or even distance yourself from another parent. You could end up dealing with some real nasty issues, so at this early stage just tell a lie for an easy life.

Original poster
leftangle · 02/04/2014 17:11

OK I won't tell her! I have no intention of making DS go. I certainly won't leave it 'till the last minute. Does that answer everyone?

I am a little concerned my DS may say why he isn't going but will deal with that if it happens.

I only considered it as I think I would rather know if it were my ds. It would not be an attempt to be confrontational or start a quarrel.

But, as I've said earlier, happy to go with your consensus.

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