Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2 3

AIBU?

To tell a mother that DS doesn't like her child and doesn't want to come to her party?

64 replies

leftangle · 02/04/2014 15:48

Or should I just invent an excuse on that date and keep the peace.
Children are in reception. DS says the child has been nasty to him (pushing and minor name calling from what I can gather). I don't think it happens that often or is that serious, not something I'd report or be much worried about. They could easily be best friends again soon. DS is not too bothered in general but he doesn't want to socialise (or buy a present). I've told him he doesn't have to go, just not sure whether to tell the truth about why.

OP posts:

Report

ovenchips · 06/04/2014 11:13

Glad you are not going to do that now.

Imagine if you got a text from the party child's mum saying 'My DC is having a party but as they do not like your son he is not being invited'!

God how much would that hurt?

fisherpricephone · 06/04/2014 11:11

Don't say anything to the parents for heaven's sake. DD1 is in Y1 and who she likes and doesn't like changes on a whim. She never was friends with one girl until they started having swimming lessons together, her best friend is quite often the person she likes the least, etc etc. There is no point choosing your friends among the adults based on who they do or don't like (I really like the Mum of one of the girls who DD1 isn't fussed about, it would be daft to spoil our friendship because our kids aren't that friendly).

MrsRuffdiamond · 06/04/2014 11:10

In my experience pushing and name calling in reception age children is a sure sign of a firm friendship

LauraShigihara · 06/04/2014 11:02

No, no, no. And anyway, they may well have made friends by the day of the party, and your DS will be clamouring to go.

The correct technique is to RSVP a yes, then send a 'fake illness' text on the day if appropriate.

BigRedBall · 06/04/2014 11:01

Dd didn't attend a birthday party a few weeks ago because the girl is a little shit. I'm sorry, I don't normally swear at children but I swear the girl has devilish tendencies. She's always picking on dd in the morning when I drop her off and has broken her hairband, skipping rope, steals things from her drawer and snatches birthday invitations from people and opens it first and then gives it to dd. She's done this so many times I'm pissed off. She also pokes my baby and wakes her up almost every morning. I've told her to stop and I've told the teacher but the girl is still a little cow. Her mother seems to think she is brilliant though, so I messaged her and told her we were "away" that day and dd was relieved. We actually stayed at home and baked cakes.

bragmatic · 06/04/2014 10:58

I think it's very important to tell the truth.

Just not this time.

Supercosy · 06/04/2014 10:56

It's so easy to politely decline. Definitely don't say anything....for SO many reasons but also don't make your son go to the party.

rockybalboa · 06/04/2014 10:55

Invent an excuse. Or in fact, don't invent something, just respond saying that unfortunately yours DS is unable to go and you hope the party goes well. I've had to do this several times with DS1 who is quite fussy about which parties he goes to. The last one obviously got so many rejections that the mum changed the date and sent new invites out so I was quite glad I hadn't invented an excuse the first time so i didn't have to think of something different. No way you should tell her that your DS doesn't like her child though. If the child is a problem at school she will already know...

MissDuke · 06/04/2014 10:51

Op, I am amazed you would even consider this. If you were concerned that the boy was bullying ds, then I could understand why you may consider saying something - but you say that isn't the case. Sometimes people just don't get on - this may be just one of those things or it may be because they rub each other up the wrong way. Perhaps the other boy was just being polite by inviting your ds?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/04/2014 10:27

You would only have to do this once and I doubt you would need to worry about any future party invites.

WitchWay · 06/04/2014 10:24

Yes make a polite excuse. The "invite everyone" stage doesn't last forever & if they don't get on in years to come, then they won't invite each other anyway.

starlight1234 · 06/04/2014 10:22

You have another 5 years of playground collections to stand there awkwardly...

Like everyone else has said no need to upset parent or the child just can't make it...I have had to do the same before..It never crossed my mind to tell mum the truth..I reassured my son I would just tell them we were busy that day so he didn't say something else..

TheGrassIsSinging · 06/04/2014 10:13

Why would you even consider telling someone that your 5 yr old doesnt like their 5 yr old? How weird.

Politely decline.

PaulinesPen · 06/04/2014 10:12

Blimey if I went through life being brutally honest out loud I'd have no-one left to talk to. Make an excuse. If your ds is experiencing continued difficulties at school, have a word with the teacher.

pudding25 · 06/04/2014 10:08

So weird. Why would you ever think it would be an option to tell someone this?

MusicalEndorphins · 06/04/2014 09:57

Much nicer to "regretfully decline" & make a polite excuse.

Thumbwitch · 06/04/2014 09:00

Salmotrutta - have you seen the film "The Invention of Lying"? starts off in a world where no one ever lies - very much like your e.g. just there

Salmotrutta · 05/04/2014 20:42

Blimey.

I wonder what life would be like if we all told the bald truth every day.

(Well, obviously it would be like a scene from Liar Liar...)

"Do you like my new dress?"

"No - it's hideous and you don't carry it off at all"

"Would you like to meet up for coffee?"

"No- I can't stand you. Never could actually"

NoodleOodle · 05/04/2014 20:33

Tell your child you are doing something together on that day, tell other child's parents the same - "thank you for invite but DC will not be able to attend."

Pukkapik · 05/04/2014 20:23

YABVU..
Why on earth would you offend the other mother about her DS when she is extending the hand of friendship? Have you no empathy about what she might feel about your comment?

Coincidentally there is another thread on AIBU asking if people are getting nastier..

minionmadness · 05/04/2014 19:51

Would you tell someone you weren't coming to their party because you didn't like them. No you wouldn't... you would politely decline saying you had a prior engagement.

Why then would you think it ok to do this to the mother of a 5 year old child, other than to be quite nasty!

HolidayCriminal · 05/04/2014 19:33

White lies, all the way.
They may be genuine best mates in a month or 2, they'll forget about any nastiness long before you can.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2014 19:31

I'm baffled that you even considered it, let alone asked about it on here.

^^ This

candycoatedwaterdrops · 05/04/2014 19:25

I'm baffled that you even considered it, let alone asked about it on here.

plantsitter · 05/04/2014 19:04

Just say to DS 'Oh well you can't go anyway because is happening that day to avoid him telling the other child. I would advise against getting involved in 5 yr olds' relationships at a 5 yr old's level, tbh.

Unflip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.