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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a mother that DS doesn't like her child and doesn't want to come to her party?

64 replies

leftangle · 02/04/2014 15:48

Or should I just invent an excuse on that date and keep the peace.
Children are in reception. DS says the child has been nasty to him (pushing and minor name calling from what I can gather). I don't think it happens that often or is that serious, not something I'd report or be much worried about. They could easily be best friends again soon. DS is not too bothered in general but he doesn't want to socialise (or buy a present). I've told him he doesn't have to go, just not sure whether to tell the truth about why.

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 02/04/2014 17:14

You are over thinking.

Backtobedlam · 02/04/2014 17:17

Children are very fickle at that age and chop and change who they like from one week to the next. Don't assume because your ds said the other boy has been nasty to him that you are getting the whole truth either! If your son choses to tell the other boy he doesn't like him that's up to him.

Fleta · 02/04/2014 17:17

Yes you would be unreasonable and bloody unkind.

Just thank her and decline as "child cannot make it"

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/04/2014 17:21

A 5 year old telling another 5 year old he doesn't like him is just one of those things. An adult saying it to his doting mother is a school gate diplomatic crisis. Surely you see the difference OP Confused

Martorana · 02/04/2014 18:06

And this may be a minority opinion- but buy a present S well. I don't think you should give a present in exchange for a party- you give a present because you've been invited.

PaperSeagull · 02/04/2014 18:29

I'm trying to imagine how you would even word such a thing. "Sorry, my son dislikes your son and doesn't want to go to his party. Thanks for the invitation." Would you really want another parent to say that to you?

Agree with everyone else. Don't tell the mother. No good will come of it.

turningvioletviolet · 02/04/2014 18:40

Christ on a bike, why on earth would you have even considered saying that in the first place? It wouldn't even have crossed my mind. 'Sorry we're busy' is as much as would ever be needed.

rowna · 02/04/2014 19:01

I'd avoid upsetting people needlessly. You just don't know who they're going to be friends with next year. Your ds might be begging to have him round to play next year.

Pagwatch · 02/04/2014 19:04

Of course not. Why would you say something so unkind?

thebody · 02/04/2014 19:05

really you would take kindly to a random mum coming up to you in the playground telling you her ds won't be coming to your kids party as he really doesn't like him but thanks for the invite!

have you thought about a career as a diplomat op? Grin

scooterland · 02/04/2014 19:15

Not quite sure why you've even considered saying your DS doesn't like the other child. Unless actual bullying is happening I'm not sure why you want to take such a stance and in any case if there is bullying you need to address this through the school. Otherwise it's playground stuff and should remain so. Never good when parents get too involved in playground politics ...

Thumbwitch · 05/04/2014 18:50

I'd just like to point out that when I said "the last possible moment" I assumed there would be an RSVP by date. But that's because all the party invitations that DS1 has received have one of those, usually a week prior to the party itself. So THAT would be the last possible moment for me - the end of the day that the "RSVP by" date was (not the night before the party, for e.g., which might be what it sounded like)

Mumzy · 05/04/2014 18:54

It's what 'white lies' were invented for. Believe me if you tell her the truth she'll be ignoring you or giving you dirty looks for the next 7 years

Greythorne · 05/04/2014 19:03

Unless your son is an absolute angel, there's a fair chance they both annoy each other.

plantsitter · 05/04/2014 19:04

Just say to DS 'Oh well you can't go anyway because is happening that day to avoid him telling the other child. I would advise against getting involved in 5 yr olds' relationships at a 5 yr old's level, tbh.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 05/04/2014 19:25

I'm baffled that you even considered it, let alone asked about it on here. Confused

Nanny0gg · 05/04/2014 19:31

I'm baffled that you even considered it, let alone asked about it on here.

^^ This

HolidayCriminal · 05/04/2014 19:33

White lies, all the way.
They may be genuine best mates in a month or 2, they'll forget about any nastiness long before you can.

minionmadness · 05/04/2014 19:51

Would you tell someone you weren't coming to their party because you didn't like them. No you wouldn't... you would politely decline saying you had a prior engagement.

Why then would you think it ok to do this to the mother of a 5 year old child, other than to be quite nasty!

Pukkapik · 05/04/2014 20:23

YABVU..
Why on earth would you offend the other mother about her DS when she is extending the hand of friendship? Have you no empathy about what she might feel about your comment?

Coincidentally there is another thread on AIBU asking if people are getting nastier..

NoodleOodle · 05/04/2014 20:33

Tell your child you are doing something together on that day, tell other child's parents the same - "thank you for invite but DC will not be able to attend."

Salmotrutta · 05/04/2014 20:42

Blimey.

I wonder what life would be like if we all told the bald truth every day.

(Well, obviously it would be like a scene from Liar Liar...)

"Do you like my new dress?"

"No - it's hideous and you don't carry it off at all"

"Would you like to meet up for coffee?"

"No- I can't stand you. Never could actually"

Thumbwitch · 06/04/2014 09:00

Salmotrutta - have you seen the film "The Invention of Lying"? starts off in a world where no one ever lies - very much like your e.g. just there Grin

MusicalEndorphins · 06/04/2014 09:57

Much nicer to "regretfully decline" & make a polite excuse.

pudding25 · 06/04/2014 10:08

So weird. Why would you ever think it would be an option to tell someone this?

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