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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to tell this lady to get lost in fairly strong language?

118 replies

Defnotsupergirl · 02/04/2014 03:48

I am very obviously pregnant at the moment. At my local supermarket today I was stopped going in by an older lady who asked me the usual questions regarding when I was due, looking forward to being a mum etc. all fair enough..... Then she asked me if I was looking forward to the pain of childbirth to atone for my sins. I was dumbfounded and said without really thinking that no, I am having a planned cesarean due to medical reasons. She then became angry telling me that it was my duty as a woman to give birth in pain as was decreed by God because of the sin committed by Eve etc.

I told her to F off etc. then waddled into the shop while she was still having a go at me in a loud voice - I'm fairly sure it wasn't but was my reaction unreasonable?

OP posts:
sonlypuppyfat · 02/04/2014 08:37

You met a nutter!

Cringechilli · 02/04/2014 08:39

I don't engage with strangers if I can help it. Too many situations like this arise. I don't trust anyone anymore!

WooWooOwl · 02/04/2014 08:39

I was ready to come on and say that there's never really any need to swear after reading your thread title, but fuck off seems an entirely appropriate response in this case.

woozlebear · 02/04/2014 08:54

Pagwatch
If haranguing strangers with your extreme religious views is a possible indicator of MH issues, where do you draw the line? Or should we just tiptoe round any and all remotely twatty behaviour on basis that the person is mentally ill rather than just uncaring or unpleasant?

pianodoodle · 02/04/2014 09:03

Then she asked me if I was looking forward to the pain of childbirth to atone for my sins.

"...are you looking forward to a smack in the mouth to atone for yours?"

ChairOfTheBored · 02/04/2014 09:06

You met one of the Lord's 'special' people, given to us to show us how NOT to do faith.

You were a model of restraint! Take additional comfort from the knowledge she will never know the joy of oral morphine. Mmmm, oral morphine.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 02/04/2014 09:16

I think you were unreasonable to swear.

I don't know about the religious context of what she said but if it's a valid interpretation why does it immediately make her "mental"? Just because she doesn't follow the status quo of adhering to secular or atheist beliefs doesn't mean she's mental.

She was obscenely rude offensive,but I wouldn't have sworn at her. I can understand why you were upset angry etc hormones don't help when pregnant either.p, but not an excuse for swearing.

However I'm more shocked by threats of violence from members here someone said they would threaten to slap her, I find that disturbing really slapping on old lady for an eccentric belief?

theressomethingaboutmarie · 02/04/2014 09:25

It's actually quite insulting for those with 'extreme' religious views that they are being broadly considered to have mental health problems. Certain mental health conditions can certainly affect our interactions with others but still, the sweeping view is a little odd. That being said, I'm not religious and whilst I probably wouldn't have said quite what the OP said, I would certainly have been very robust in my reply!

Pagwatch · 02/04/2014 09:25

Woozlebear

You are sounding more annoyed than I think my suggestion that exiting the conversation rather than telling her to duck off, possibly requires.

Yes. She might, of sound mind, believe that. So?

Why do we have to draw lines between when its ok to be indignant and swear and when it's ok to just roll your eyes and wall off?
What is the downside of thinking "meh, deluded or unwell or whatever - what is there to get angry about.' And let it go.

Do we have to shout at everyone we think is busy being wrong. ? Are we so right it's important that we 'fuck off' at the people we don't agree with?

SilverDragonfly1 · 02/04/2014 09:25

I would have wondered if this thread was exaggerated until a couple of months ago when a woman tried to faith heal my visually impaired husband in the middle of the supermarket.

I didn't slap her ;) just politely drew him away and smiled at her (which wasn't hard as I was actually trying not to crack up with laughter at his confusion). To be honest, I have a certain amount of respect for that sort of strength of belief- same with Jehovah's Witnesses.

HairyGrotter · 02/04/2014 09:28

She shoved her belief in the face of a pregnant woman, bitch needed serving, and she got it in the form of an appropriate response.

I don't shove my atheism in the face of perfect strangers, or anyone, in fact.

pianodoodle · 02/04/2014 09:42

I never get accosted by these people my shopping trips are just boring - where are they all?!

Maybe I look like I'm beyond redemption so they don't bother Grin

MrsKoala · 02/04/2014 09:43

I too would have doubted the story if something similar hadn't happened to me. We were in a supermarket about 6 months ago (in Canada) and an older German lady approached us and started cooing over blond blue eyed DS. She asked me normal questions, how old? good sleeper? etc. So far so normal. Then asked if i was planning more and said i hoped so, and she said 'yes you must, if you have strong white genes you must have as many as you can'. i thought i had misheard then she went on to say that strong white people like us (dh and i are pretty tall and athletic) should continue building up a strong race to balance out the mongrels etc. She said it all with a nice smile on her face as if i was agreeing with her. I was just so shocked i gathered up my stuff and ds walked away (dh was wandering round and when he found me my face was fixed like Shock ) . Not really sure what the appropriate response to a very elderly racist is - i felt i couldn't swear at her.

I felt very sad after because this woman was easily old enough to be about in ww2. I also know loads of Germans and none have echoed that opinion in any way. I think she was just a very sad/horrible lady.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 02/04/2014 09:47

"bitch needed serving"

Good heavens, MN really has become Jeremy Kyle fodder.

WhatsTheWordHummingbird · 02/04/2014 09:49

"Our mother Mary never had a Caesarian"

Ermm... my mothers nameis Maggie doc.I

Jolleigh · 02/04/2014 10:03

Since when did having strong religious beliefs and having mental health issues become interchangeable?

Yes, the OP could have been more diplomatic. However, being 41 weeks pregnant myself and smegging fed up of that fact I'm sure my chosen response would have included 'fuck off' in some incarnation too.

Curlyweasel · 02/04/2014 10:15

Oh can everyone calm down a bit? I appreciate it's not nice to call people nutters or assume they have mental health ishoos just because of their religious beliefs, but equally it is no one's right (and also not nice) for people to foist their strong opinions (religious, anti-semetic, pro Aryan etc) on anyone - regardless of whether they're pregnant or not). If I want to hear that sort of thing, I'll go to a rally or meeting. FWIW Op, I would have told her to fuck off too... but probably just under my breath.

elQuintoConyo · 02/04/2014 10:21

bitch needed serving what the absolute fuck?

You're Ashley Gold and I've seen you on tv's Hardcore Pawn.

Muttering odfod as you walk away is one thing. Saying it to someome's face is another. Very rude - even with pregnancy hormones. Whatever problems this woman may/may not have had, it was rude. Full stop.

Lweji · 02/04/2014 10:24

Nutter. She's lucky you didn't punch her.

The OP is lucky she didn't punch the old lady, then, because she'd be in serious trouble with the law.
As well as being a twat.

Lweji · 02/04/2014 10:26

Oh, wait, the right answer for this particular woman would have been that Christ had already died to atone for the sins of all of us.
No need for pain in child birth.

Unless she was jewish... Hmm

LEMmingaround · 02/04/2014 10:28

Well, i would expect that the old dear went home and said a few prayers that God would forgive your outburst and that you could still be saved - either that or walked off muttering "foul mouthed hussy"

OnlyLovers · 02/04/2014 10:30

I think 'fuck off' is totally justified in the circumstances and the OP doesn't need to be 'excused' about swearing on grounds of pregnancy hormones Hmm.

Bollocks to mental health problems. She just had unpleasant views and felt for whatever reason that it was OK to foist them on the OP.

IceBeing · 02/04/2014 10:32

I think it is an interesting question as to whether or not (in the future when we understand the brain better) extreme religious belief will count as a MH problem.

So both exist in some human brains and not in others.
Both have a genetic predisposition.
Both can be triggered by environmental factors.
Both can be turned on and off with drugs.
Both can be influenced/monitored via messing with the electrical activity in the brain.

I think EITHER having religion or not having it is probably a MH issue. It depends which one you take as being the NT state....

shewhowines · 02/04/2014 10:34

She's crazy but YABU for being so rude. You could have politely got your message across or just ignored her.

Sorry, I judge people who respond like that.

Lweji · 02/04/2014 10:38

I'm not particularly concerned about her beliefs, but more that she felt she had to inflict them on a random person on the street.

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