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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I unreasonable to tell this lady to get lost in fairly strong language?

118 replies

Defnotsupergirl · 02/04/2014 03:48

I am very obviously pregnant at the moment. At my local supermarket today I was stopped going in by an older lady who asked me the usual questions regarding when I was due, looking forward to being a mum etc. all fair enough..... Then she asked me if I was looking forward to the pain of childbirth to atone for my sins. I was dumbfounded and said without really thinking that no, I am having a planned cesarean due to medical reasons. She then became angry telling me that it was my duty as a woman to give birth in pain as was decreed by God because of the sin committed by Eve etc.

I told her to F off etc. then waddled into the shop while she was still having a go at me in a loud voice - I'm fairly sure it wasn't but was my reaction unreasonable?

OP posts:

NoodleOodle · 02/04/2014 12:56

I don't get how people are diagnosing her with mental health problems just because she came out with some nutty religious tripe. Would you say the same about all the vicars in the land?

TillyTellTale · 02/04/2014 12:58

To fair, if I was having a planned caesarean, and some stranger started aggressively questioning my choices and telling me it was my duty to suffer, I think they'd be grateful if all I said was "fuck off" as opposed to engaging in reasoned argument! The fact it was religiously motivated, rather than a secular natural-birth-advocate speaking would be just the icing on the cake.

Come on, people, how well do posters criticising women for caesareans/having pain relief go down on here? Don't we, at the safety of our computers, totally un-intimidated, go for a chorus of "fuck off judgypants// fuck off judgeypants".

NoodleOodle · 02/04/2014 13:05

I too would have doubted the story if something similar hadn't happened to me. We were in a supermarket about 6 months ago (in Canada) and an older German lady approached us and started cooing over blond blue eyed DS. She asked me normal questions, how old? good sleeper? etc. So far so normal. Then asked if i was planning more and said i hoped so, and she said 'yes you must, if you have strong white genes you must have as many as you can'. i thought i had misheard then she went on to say that strong white people like us (dh and i are pretty tall and athletic) should continue building up a strong race to balance out the mongrels etc. She said it all with a nice smile on her face as if i was agreeing with her. I was just so shocked i gathered up my stuff and ds walked away (dh was wandering round and when he found me my face was fixed like shock ) . Not really sure what the appropriate response to a very elderly racist is - i felt i couldn't swear at her.

I felt very sad after because this woman was easily old enough to be about in ww2. I also know loads of Germans and none have echoed that opinion in any way. I think she was just a very sad/horrible lady.

Oh dear. Wonder what she'd make of my niece, my brother is black and has a blonde haired blue eyed baby girl...

5Foot5 · 02/04/2014 13:14

Surely there are better ways to atone for our sins? A few hail marys or taking an infirm person some biscuits?

spatchcock This is one of the funniest things I have read this week! I hope you don't mind if I remember that to use on some other occasion.

OP I personally think your response was spot on.

Pantah630 · 02/04/2014 13:47

Thank you littlegrey I'm stealing that

Pagwatch · 02/04/2014 14:13

Gawd, is everyone being incredibly earnest because of the religious element or the pregnancy?

Topaz - the was a clue I was not entirely serious ....

TillyTellTale · 02/04/2014 14:21

I would like to take this moment to ask you to reflect on the world today if Queen Victoria had not ascended the throne, and it had been a man called Victor.

Queen Victoria was a devout Christian. However, she was also a reigning monarch, and accordingly rejected the idea she should suffer in childbirth. She took all the (primative) analgesia she could, and popularised the concept that women needn't suffer as much as possible during childbirth. Other women began to demand it or feel permitted to ask for it. And thus, the area was promoted, and research into better pain relief came about.

I honestly think things would have been quite different if it had even merely been a reigning monarch's wife using pain relief in childbirth.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/04/2014 14:35

The lady was rude and aggressive to op, of course she is justified to fell her to f off, only on MN your told you shouldn't have sworn at her. She deserved it, op hope your ok.

OnlyLovers · 02/04/2014 14:36

Yes this was extreme, but are you saying that every time someone upsets you or disagrees with you, that its ok to tell them to "fuck off"?

Er, no. Nowhere do I say or imply that.

If not, why is this any different? Because, as you say yourself, this was an extreme case: an ostensibly/initially conversation turned into someone becoming 'angry' at the OP and 'having a go'.

If you would, then I don't like the sort of person you are. See above. I've made abundantly clear that I wouldn't.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/04/2014 14:38

The woman was being aggressive to op, she deserved it, are we all saints then!

Aeroflotgirl · 02/04/2014 14:38

Mabey if more people told her so she would stop.

kotinka · 02/04/2014 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/04/2014 15:06

Mabey kotina it goes straight through her.

FastWindow · 02/04/2014 15:40

So this woman got angry and wished you pain op.

If it had been a middle aged strong looking man spouting the same nonsense, the replies on here might have been a bit different. Along the lines of 'security!!'

The response to the man might have been to back away slowly, avoiding eye contact...

Original poster

Defnotsupergirl · 02/04/2014 16:48

Interesting balance of views. On reflection I'm not normally a swearer, it was just so stunning that it escaped before I'd had time to really think straight.

I live in a small community that does chat to strangers in public and it usually would be considered rude not to answer her "normal" questions. To start off with she was just a nice lady asking the same questions I've been asked daily for the past few weeks. She just got so angry so quickly. Maybe she does have MH problems, maybe she doesn't, luckily it hasn't upset me too much, possibly if I had been brought up with religion it may have.
I know I'll be checking the car park of the shop carefully before I get out of the car over the next couple of weeks.

OP posts:

borisgudanov · 02/04/2014 23:11

What bollocks. You atone for your sins by confessing them to God and promising Him that you won't do it again. Not by enduring things that are essentially unavoidable anyway. Stupid cow.

rabbitlady · 03/04/2014 02:05

i've never heard of that happening before. i'm sorry it happened to you. she's probably a biblical literalist, as pain in childbirth is given as a punishment for original sin. she forced her views on you. you told her what to do. seems fair enough to me.

DoctorTwo · 03/04/2014 11:31

A biblical literalist? Is that someone who would sell their daughter into slavery? Kill somebody for wearing mixed fibres? Refuse to eat shellfish and bacon?

Obviously she isn't, as she spoke up, going against bible teachings.

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