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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I unreasonable to tell this lady to get lost in fairly strong language?

118 replies

Defnotsupergirl · 02/04/2014 03:48

I am very obviously pregnant at the moment. At my local supermarket today I was stopped going in by an older lady who asked me the usual questions regarding when I was due, looking forward to being a mum etc. all fair enough..... Then she asked me if I was looking forward to the pain of childbirth to atone for my sins. I was dumbfounded and said without really thinking that no, I am having a planned cesarean due to medical reasons. She then became angry telling me that it was my duty as a woman to give birth in pain as was decreed by God because of the sin committed by Eve etc.

I told her to F off etc. then waddled into the shop while she was still having a go at me in a loud voice - I'm fairly sure it wasn't but was my reaction unreasonable?

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 02/04/2014 10:39

It was "righteous indignation" or "righteous anger," shewhowins.

Painful childbirth demonstrates defects in the "intelligent design" falsehood.

VenusDeWillendorf · 02/04/2014 10:42

Christians (and Jews) have to be churched / mikvah-ed (ritually purified) before they can enter society after childbirth again. This is to purify the pollution of childbirth. Muslims have to wash after sex (dunking essential) as bodily fluids are unclean.

Ancient Greeks thought of as women as miasmic or polluters. They were banned form many temples / games etc. and it was polluting to even meet a woman if a man was off to pray/ play. So women's lives were heavily proscribed even then.

There are many cultures who think of menstruation / bodily fluids / semen as filthy pollution.
Ritual washing is very common, to purify before prayer, and ritual atonement such as confessions and penance are very common in many cultures.
The boundaries between profane and sacred is delineated by these rituals.

Religion has a lot to answer for, hasn't it!

Bless the looney lady though, she's absolutely right about the pain of childbirth being Eve's payment for her sin, as it is in the bible.
My feeling is, if you are a Christian, you can't just pick and chose your bestie religious bits á la carte. IMVHO, all religions are a set menu, with a set price. which is why I don't believe in any of that guff

OP, I think you probably 'encouraged' her!! Talking to strangers is asking for trouble Wink Wink especially those religious types.

Oh and best of luck with the birth of your little babe. (Don't forget to ask to see, and have the screen taken down a bit for the actual delivery, if that's your thing).

kotinka · 02/04/2014 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoctorTwo · 02/04/2014 10:46

Next time you see her smite her with a copy (hardback if you can get it) of the gospel according to St Hitch, god Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything. That'll learn her!

CuntyBunty · 02/04/2014 10:46

YABU unreasonable for lowering yourself to swear like that at anyone.
I'm glad I didn't meet her when I way pregnant with DS1, though. You do have my sympathy, however; I had to leave the last ante natal class early (and in tears) because they covered, "what if?", c-sections, forceps, episiotomy and the like. It sounds like an evil curse or spell she was uttering, but hey, maybe Catholicism is like that to me, having had the "benefit" of a catholic education as a kid.

NinjaLeprechaun · 02/04/2014 10:48

I think I'm a little disturbed by people who make no distinction between having a mental illness and being batshit crazy.
Batshit crazy is to mentally ill what drunk is to alcoholic. You don't have to be an alcoholic to be drunk, and you don't have to be batshit crazy to have a mental illness.
In any case, nobody should have to be on the receiving end of either drunk or crazy - and, sadly, some people won't accept anything less subtle than 'fuck off'.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 02/04/2014 10:50

Sounds like she was lucky to get away with all her fingers intact.

You were very restrained, OP.

OnlyLovers · 02/04/2014 10:53

Swearing is not 'lowering yourself' and not necessarily 'inappropriate' or 'unreasonable'. There's a ridiculous amount of cats-bum-mouthing on this thread at the lady saying a naughty word.

Fullpleatherjacket · 02/04/2014 10:58

You had plenty of time to make your excuses and leave before it got weirder but chose to engage. Swearing at her was Not On.

YWBU.

CuntyBunty · 02/04/2014 10:58

I swear like a sailor, , just not at people. I am really uncomfortable with doing that, even if they've really fucked me off.

Topaz25 · 02/04/2014 11:02

YANBU, it's easy for people on here to say they would deal with it in a calm, saintly way without resorting to swearing. They weren't in your situation, heavily pregnant and being harassed by an irrational woman wishing pain on them.

limitedperiodonly · 02/04/2014 11:02

YWVU for swearing at the unfortunate woman. But none of us is perfect.

Well, some of us are. And those of us who've never reacted angrily to someone who's just upset us would have smiled beatifically and said: 'I forgive you' and then waved at her with a vaguely blessing-type hand signal.

That could possibly be interpreted as another hand signal.

OnlyLovers · 02/04/2014 11:20

Cunty, well, it's up to you whether or not you swear at people and if it makes you uncomfortablr then obviously you don't want to, but it sounds a bit judgy-pantish to say the OP was lowering herself to swear at the woman.

I'd have told her to fuck right off too, and would have felt justified, not lowered.

shewhowines · 02/04/2014 11:36

I'm proud and happy to be called judgy-pantish. Just because you don't agree with someone at all you don't need to resort to swearing.

Yes this was extreme, but are you saying that every time someone upsets you or disagrees with you, that its ok to tell them to "fuck off"? If not, why is this any different? If you would, then I don't like the sort of person you are.
In my world, I may mutter under my breath, but only an uncouth person with no manners, would respond like that to someone who has either been brainwashed or is clearly unwell.

Sorry, I do judge in this instance.

kotinka · 02/04/2014 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 02/04/2014 11:49

Bwahahahaha at 'cats bums mouthing' at swearing.
I swear like a trooper. I haven't remonstrate with the op.
I just answered the op that I'm to sure it was really worth getting irritated to the point of telling her to fuck off. She's probably more to be pitied than anything else.

Although I am nw intrigued that being heavily pregnancy is license to lose it. I remember arguing with my boss when he wanted me to stop seeing clients at the end of my pregnancy in case I got all emotional and irrational.
I thought he was being a bit of a dickhead but some mumsnetters think he was spot on. Who knew?
Grin

Topaz25 · 02/04/2014 11:53

I didn't say being heavily pregnant was a "license to lose it" or see anyone else say that but obviously it would make someone feel more vulnerable and defensive when harassed by a stranger, which is a very different situation to meeting with a client!

itsbetterthanabox · 02/04/2014 12:00

Surely you are atoning for Eves sins Wink
I would have said quite a few more swear words than you! Nasty piece of work.

PollyIndia · 02/04/2014 12:20

She is clearly mental, so why bother?! I agree with Pagwatch.

aurynne · 02/04/2014 12:20

That woman truly believed that childbirth pain is a punishment meted by an all-loving, all-powerful God in order to pay for the sins of a woman created out of the first man's rib 6000 thousand years ago who disobeyed the aforementioned God and ate an apple.

And people are asking why some of the posters believe she must have mental heath issues?

ProlificPenguin · 02/04/2014 12:22

I am a church going person and I too would have told her where to go. Yanbu

IceBeing · 02/04/2014 12:26

What happens if you respond to religious ranting with 'Don't worry Jesus forgives you your intolerant bigotry'?

TillyTellTale · 02/04/2014 12:42

Mentally ill? Hmm. I can see why it would be very comforting to believe that all fundamentalist Christians are simply diagnosably mentally ill, but I don't think so.

I would assume she's how she presents herself: a Christian familiar with the whole of Genesis, and hasn't adjusted to the modern idea that one is supposed to keep one's religious beliefs private.

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Littlegreyauditor · 02/04/2014 12:47

What would Jesus do? Depends on when you pissed him off I suppose...

DidoTheDodo · 02/04/2014 12:47

You may not have agreed with her (small understatement) but telling her to F off was still rude.

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