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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why people are bothered at not getting any thing from their partners for mother's day?

60 replies

Magmar · 31/03/2014 00:39

Feeling liberated by a recent name change.

I really don't understand. My DS is 4 months old and I didn't even really give it a thought. As it was I got a card from my DH with DS's footprints on it but I am just immensely grateful that I get to celebrate mother's day at all! I am so happy that I have a gorgeous son. Surely that's what today is really about? I know DH appreciates what I do as a mother, he shows me daily how thankful he is to have us both. I don't need gifts for that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Magmar · 31/03/2014 00:40

That should be *anything in the title.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/03/2014 00:55

But you got something. Maybe you'd feel very differently if you hadn't got that card.

DoJo · 31/03/2014 01:09

Mother's day means different things to different people, and not everyone will feel the same as you. You are lucky enough to have a husband who values what you do all year round - others aren't so lucky and I'm surprised you find it that hard to understand someone wanting a day where the importance of their role is acknowledged.

Original poster

Magmar · 31/03/2014 01:16

Definitely not Curly. He never gave me it until late on tonight after DS had gone to bed. I didn't even give it a thought the whole day.

DoJo I do understand wanting to be acknowledged but to be pissed off at not getting a present from your partner? If you don't have someone who values you all year round surely one day isn't going to make a difference?

OP posts:

Wheresmysocks · 31/03/2014 01:20

I've read lots of posts today about the lack of gifts.

Personally for me, it's not about gifts, its about feeling appreciated & valued. With the greatest of respect Op, you've been a mum for 4 months...I've been doing this for 25 years!

Maybe in a few years, you will 'get it' when your dp takes you for granted & your dc isn't cute & gorgeous but big, smelly &annoying!

Original poster

Magmar · 31/03/2014 01:24

I really don't mean to sound horrible, honestly I don't. I don't understand what you mean Where. Sure I might see it differently in a few years but I would never expect a gift on mother's day (except maybe a card from my DS) from my husband. He's not my child.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 31/03/2014 01:24

When I was little, my dad made sure we made Mothers Day special for my mum. Until we were old enough to sort it on our own.

I'm glad he did and it would be nice if all dads did.

YABU OP.

Original poster

Magmar · 31/03/2014 01:28

Now see Dione, I understand that, that's really lovely. It's just gifts specifically from a partner I don't get.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 31/03/2014 01:33

My mum did the same for Fathers Day. I think they were just teaching us how important it is to appreciate them once a year.

And it worked.. And was good for their relationship with eachother.

Original poster

Magmar · 31/03/2014 01:36

We did the same growing up, I plan to do it with DS too :)

OP posts:

Monty27 · 31/03/2014 01:39

Bah humbug the lot of it. You should appreciate your parents every day, as your children should appreciate you, every day. It's all media hype. It doesn't wash with me really, and I've taught my dc's the same thing. Yes, one brought me tea in bed, the other cooked dinner.

I just don't agree with the pressure of the aisles in the grabby supermarkets and florists.

maddening · 31/03/2014 02:54

But surely this is only when the dc are too young to do it themselves ? I will sort ds' card and Fathers Day gift for dp's day.

TheHamster · 31/03/2014 03:35

I didn't get anything from DH since my DC1 was a baby. We just never really thought about it, iyswim? Never occurred that I should get him anything for Father's Day, or he should get me anything.

MyBaby1day · 31/03/2014 05:39

I wouldn't be, it's nothing to do with partners (there's Valentine's Day for that), it's MOTHER'S Day!.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/03/2014 07:46

I think that when your DCs are small mothers day has everything to do with DP/DH.
It's very lovely to have a recognition of their valuing you as the mother of their DCs, and quite rubbish to not have any such recognition IMHO.
I was thrilled when my tinies walked in with a little bunch of daffodils yesterday morning. That was obviously DH showing his appreciation, in a token way and modelling this for them. Nothing more was needed (ds made a macaroni necklace at nursery which I'm still wearing. Spoiled!)
I will help them to something for him of FD too.

NotNewButNameChanged · 31/03/2014 09:14

I'm with MyBaby on this one.

RufusTheReindeer · 31/03/2014 09:17

Didn't get presents when they were little as I didn't see the point

But if I didn't get a card signed on behalf on my babies then I would have ripped DH's head off and pissed down the hole

Just saying

mrsjay · 31/03/2014 09:18

I really believe that these women who are upset are not feet stomping because they didn't get gifts , it is the lack of thought and feeling un appreciated that upsets them I feel for them i really do, maybe in a few years when your baby is grown and you are running around after a toddler all day and your husband forgets you might feel a bit different,

DurhamDurham · 31/03/2014 09:24

I'm not sure how I would react if my husband didnt get me anything for Mothers Day as he always has.
I would like to think that I wouldn't sulk....but I can't 100% guarantee it.

NotNewButNameChanged · 31/03/2014 09:27

mrsjay - thing is, I would hope my partner appreciates me every day. I would hope he shows it me more often than just my birthday and Valentine's Day but I wouldn't expect him to show it to me on Mothering Sunday because I am not his mother. OK, so babies and toddlers can't show their appreciation yet, but I wouldn't expect a partner to mock up a card from them simply because they can't. That first genuine Mothering Sunday card that they make is the tear-inducer. I actually want my partner to see me as ME, his best friend, his lover, the person I am, not just as mother to his children.

Stinklebell · 31/03/2014 09:28

When kids are little it is to do with DHs/partners though, until they're big enough to buy presents/make cards without help, then parental input is required.

My 2 sorted it themselves this year, my 12 year old took her 8 year old sister to the local co-op for cards and flowers, but this is the first year I've allowed the 12 year old to be responsible for her sister.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/03/2014 09:31

Yes, it IS called Mothers Day. And no, you are not the mother of your husband. However, gratitude towards your mothering of the child starts with appreciation by the father of the child. And it's his job to instill this into his children. Why should it be left until kids are at school or nursery so the teachers can teach the kids this? Most children DO take their lovely mums for granted and don't realise how lucky they are. To some extent children need to learn how to develop empathy and appreciation of others and it's never too early to start! Fancy gifts are not necessary. It's all about the thought.

For the ones that think they don't need a Mother's Day card once they are a mum unless their child is sorting it out for themselves (at what age does that happen anyway?!), I wonder would you feel the same about birthday cards and Christmas cards. Do you not expect a birthday card from your 2 year old? Even if all they can manage to write on it is a chocolate-smeared scribble?

Like I say, I think it's important to instill thought for others from an early age. And it starts with the parents helping their children along with this.

SpoonfulOfJam · 31/03/2014 09:36

So am I the only person who finds that some days I see my OH for half an hour in the evening as the baby just won't go to sleep. Too tired to talk to him. He sleepd in the spare room as baby is in bed with me, feeding every 2 hours. He comes in for a quick nappy change before blitzing the kitchen and off to work.

He appreciates my efforts, I appreciate his. But sometimes life just gets in the way of showing it. I was given a lovely mothers day, and I intend to give my husband a lovely fathers day. Sometimes I need a kick up the arse to stop and take stock of what I've got, and mother's day/ father's day (and indeed and occasion, as in another AIBU thread) are the perfect opportunity.

And also, presents are lovely to give and receive.

mrsjay · 31/03/2014 09:37

yes what curlyhairedassasin said I couldn't put it any better really

AlbertoFrog · 31/03/2014 09:37

I don't expect anything from DH for Mother's day however I do expect to be given the card that DS made at nursery and that was given to daddy to hide until Sunday. DH claims to have forgotten what day it was even though we'd given our respective mums cards (purchased by me and thrust under his nose to sign).

'D'H is in the doghouse and is about to see big changes in this household

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