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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why people are bothered at not getting any thing from their partners for mother's day?

60 replies

Magmar · 31/03/2014 00:39

Feeling liberated by a recent name change.

I really don't understand. My DS is 4 months old and I didn't even really give it a thought. As it was I got a card from my DH with DS's footprints on it but I am just immensely grateful that I get to celebrate mother's day at all! I am so happy that I have a gorgeous son. Surely that's what today is really about? I know DH appreciates what I do as a mother, he shows me daily how thankful he is to have us both. I don't need gifts for that.

OP posts:
Owllady · 31/03/2014 09:38

I agree with wheresmysocks and mrsjay

Tbf my lot made an effort though. My husband bought me some flowers,off him, to thank ME for being a good mum to his children.

I bought his Mum a present, because he just wouldn't. He takes her for granted and I don't like it.

Kindness comes in many forms

AlbertoFrog · 31/03/2014 09:39

Hear Hear curly. Well put.

mrsjay · 31/03/2014 09:42

Kindness comes in many forms

ZenGardener · 31/03/2014 09:54

I think it's nice to have an excuse to have some cake and relax. My best present is definitely a lie in. My DH works away a lot so I spend a lot of time just me and the kids. It is nice to be spoilt sometimes.

mrsjay · 31/03/2014 09:58

exactly zen it is lovely of course we should feel appreciated all year blah blah but that time of the year where the family stop and put their full attention on you is nice

awaits flaming for being an attention seeker

Stinklebell · 31/03/2014 10:06

MrsJay no flaming! totally agree

I spent an awful lot of my life hunting out lost homework, picking up other peoples pants, dashing into town for random items needed for school, running Mum's Taxi and doling out money.

Of course they appreciate me but for one day a year I want them to show it with chocolate, a lie in and breakfast in bed

frumpet · 31/03/2014 10:25

I would have merrily swapped one lie-in in four years for the flowers and chocolates . I am a miserable toad though Grin

Owllady · 31/03/2014 10:52

I just taken a package off the postman which was a mother's day gift to me, off my mum! :o
Spoilt!

Ponkypink · 31/03/2014 11:06

Are you really so oblivious to your own cultural surroundings that you don't realise that many women do vast amounts of unpaid caring work, sacrificing their own welfare in some cases, and are usually unappreciated for this and might want just one fucking day in the year to be shown that someone has noticed? Yes, it's lovely for you that you have a partner who is in the minority who appreciate your value. Most women don't, and no they can't just find someone nicer because the way people are bought up in our culture means that appreciative, caring, supportive men are a minority- if women held out for one of that minority they would never have a partner. Wanting a card or present might seem like a petty request in this situation, but (I don't have a resident partner, so I am extrapolating from past experience and basic empathy) it's probably easier for women who feel generally unappreciated to ask for a minor thing than to suddenly ask for massive social reform overnight, don't you reckon?

A better question would be why you feel the need to smugly assert some kind of superiority over women less fortunate than yourself.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/03/2014 11:41

Maybe it's the name-changing that's the problem on here. To much bravado and slapping-down 'confidence' brought on by a new name. I don't like your post either OP, very smug, but then you meant it to be.

Original poster
Magmar · 31/03/2014 12:22

Jesus I'm not being smug! I just wanted to know why people place such high importance on material things.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/03/2014 12:36

Well surely you could foresee that you'd be almost 'brandishing' your own good fortune in the faces of others who might not. It's very much frowned on. I've only ever seen 'stealth' coupled with 'boast' on MN. There are women who aren't having a great time and I suppose this isn't the venue to post otherwise - facebook seems to be the place!

Sorry for calling you smug if you didn't intend it.

This is a funny old place sometimes...

LayMeDown · 31/03/2014 12:42

I hate all those Hallmark holidays - Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, even anniversaries. I don't expect or really want presents/ flowers, chocolates. I prefer a lie on, a paper, a cup of tea and some cuddles. I also insist on having a family day together (just us) for it. So I agree with you on the material things point.
However I thought your post was very smug. You mighnt have intended it to but it read very much like, if you care about getting presents and cards then you arent sufficiently greatful for your children like meee! You dont love yours as much as I love mine. Plus the implication that you feel appreciated all year and if someone else needs to celebrate Motehrs Day it must mean there is something missing in their relationship.

HandragsNGladbags · 31/03/2014 12:43

I would also have said that it didn't bother me. Until last year when DH didn't get the DC anything to give me. Which I thought was shit. It could have been a rose, or a daffodil from the garden, but DD1 aged 3 had done Mothers Day at nursery and wanted to give me something and couldn't.

So I went to do the weekly shop and lo and behold when I got back there was a bunch of flowers for the DD's to whisper to themselves before giving me my surprise Smile That was lovely for all of us.

And I genuinely wouldn't say I am materialistic. It was about the thought and the DC.

santaandthearmadillo · 31/03/2014 12:44

YABU.

I wouldn't really say a card is a materialistic thing, they can cost pence....

also what curly said. ^

clam · 31/03/2014 12:46

Mother's Day is not a "Hallmark holiday." It's 'Mothering Sunday,' which is part of the Christian calendar, and as such is marked by a special service on that day.
Father's Day, I grant you, is made up.

NotNewButNameChanged · 31/03/2014 12:49

Clam - to be pedantic, it could be argued that Mother's Day IS a Hallmark holiday because in the UK it was always (and is supposedly still) Mothering Sunday. It's only where it has become so commercialised and 'Hallmarked' that it has somehow turned into Mother's Day.

LayMeDown · 31/03/2014 12:57

Well I am not Christian and I dont get an exemption from it. Still have to get my Mother and MIL presents. It is not sold as a religious holiday in the main. Valentines Day is in the religious calender and I still consider it a Hallmark Holiday as well.

Maybe more accurately we can call it a kernel of a religious holiday hijacked by Hallmark?

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps · 31/03/2014 12:59

I wanted a lie in didn't get it though. I'm very aware I'm not my DHs mother but my DS has complex special needs and will never get MD so on that train of thought I need to suck it up, I'm neither precious or princessy that swiftly would get kicked out of you still changing a 6 years olds dirty nappy but for one day I would have liked a bit of appreciation for what I do.
How selfish and entitled am I Hmm

clam · 31/03/2014 13:06

"Maybe more accurately we can call it a kernel of a religious holiday hijacked by Hallmark?"

What, like Christmas, you mean? Wink

LongWayRound · 31/03/2014 13:10

Anyone else come across the 5 Love Languages? - defined as quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and physical touch. When I take the test quality time and words of affirmation come out as being most important for me, receiving gifts is right down at the end of the list. Which is just as well because I am lucky to get a bunch of flowers from DH on my birthday, and have never had anything from him on Mother's Day.

OwlinaTree · 31/03/2014 13:10

It is the thought not the gift as is so often the case. When you receive a birthday card do you look at it and think 'this card is rubbish'? No, you think 'how nice of xxxxx to remember my birthday'.

It's the same idea really. It's not what is given that matters to most, it's the act of giving and what it means.

LayMeDown · 31/03/2014 13:13

No its much worse that Christmas. Mothering Sunday was originally about returning to you Mother Church and had nothing to do with mothers as people. The Mothers Day that celebrates mothers is a completely secular invention just tagged onto Mothering Sunday. In the US and elswhere it is celebrated at a completely different time of year.
Really Hallmark et al have done is kept the name, everything else is different.

DioneTheDiabolist · 31/03/2014 13:14

It doesn't have to be hijacked by Hallmark. DS and I made our cards together. He made one for me, I made one for my mum. Proper homemade cards that were a bit shit (he's 7 and I'm not at all artistic) but brilliant because we made them.Grin

HawiianDream · 31/03/2014 13:15

I agree the partner/husband is not buying a gift to "you" as HIS mother but think they should have some input with younger kids or kids unable to sort anything themselves.

I wonder OP how you may feel in a few years time when your son comes crying to you one Mothers Day because he is sad he does not have a gift to give you, because your partner/DH has not bothered with any input. That happened here one year and I could not have cared less about a card or gift but it broke my heart to see my daughter in tears and distressed on the day.

I dont think any Mum is grabby and wants the materialistic -huge OTT bouquets, 20 boxes of chocs etc. Its just nice to know that your DH/DP thinks enough of you as a mum to his children but more so to make the day special for the children. Just a Dad helping the kids to make a homemade card (if he does not want to buy one for the kids or forgets until 7pm on the Saturday night), Letting the kids help make toast and a cuppa for in the morning.

Its just nice to be apprciated and the kids helped, supported in doing that. After all Mums (may be the ones upset) are the ones that support their kids through everything else on the annual calendar.

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