AIBU to feel sick at the idea of wedding dress shopping for my DN?

[monkeynuts123]

My niece is getting married and wants me to help her shop for her wedding dress. 10 years ago my sister, her mother, tried her very best to ruin my wedding day and the lead up to it, including wedding dress shopping. I just feel sick at the idea of sharing in my nieces joy when my joy was practically destroyed by her family and she also did a few cruel things to me over my wedding. My relationship with her mother, my sister is strained to say the least and practically no contact. AIBU to not want to suddenly put the past behind me with no apologies from either of them and start trotting about happily looking at wedding dresses?

[Caitlin17]

OP what you describe about head held high and a sense of dignity sounds more appropriate to someone attending a criminal trial protesting their innocence or the way black Americans behaved in the time of segregation than a wedding.

Lotd knows I love a swanky dress for a wedding but I've never attended one with my head held anything other than its normal position.

[ThinkFirst]

Is it possible that your sister had your niece ask you to go dress shopping just so they could withdraw the invite and rub your nose in it? It seems like they have started game playing already.

I wouldn't go to the wedding. You'd have an awful time, and your niece's wedding could end up getting ruined also through the actions of her mother.

[samandi]

Hmm, well you've yet to convince me OP! Sounds just like a storyline out of Eastenders to me.

[IceBeing]

hmm I have lurked since this appeared...but I wanted to say I think you have an overly romantic idea of what going to the wedding will be like. I think you imagine people will notice your dignity in the midst of strife....I don't think they will. I think other people will go to the wedding, get sucked into whatever new crap your sister pulls and all they will remember about you and your family is that you were there and hence they will assume the fences have been mended.

I wouldn't go. I think it will be a horrible day and other crap will kick off and I wouldn't put it past your sister to do something awful to YOU again. So I would just stay away and anyone who thinks you should have gotten over it can shove it.

[whyisthishappening]

Withdraw from the nastiness.

It's not worth the hassle.

Find out when it is and book a holiday at exactly the same time.

Send regrets and money - and enjoy your holiday. You will probably be slagged off anyway whether you go or don't so do it in style.

What is attending the wedding actually going to achieve?

It's supposed to be about the bride and groom's wedding not the past.

I think you are playing into your sister's hands more by attending/thinking of attending.

Don't waste any more mental energy on it.

[monkeynuts123]

Good advice thank you everyone for your support. I think I will see how things are nearer the time but I can't really imagine me going to celebrate with niece and family and that's really the only reason anyone should go to a wedding. There is some family on the other side in NZ we haven't seen for a few years and it might be a nice chance to fly to see them. Families eh!

[daphnehoneybutt]

I so wouldn't go.

Am I evil but I would also look for a little bit of revenge on the day, can you phone and cancel the cars / cake or something? You could ring the night before and say the wedding was cancelled. Say you are your sister when you call.... Sometimes its nice to give Karma a bit of helping hand

OK that is horrible but fantasising about a bit of revenge is sometimes healing in my limited experience of life.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

What whyisthishappening said.

[cheepsskram]

I think you've made the right decision. Your sister sounds toxic.


(Am I the only one who really, really wants to know what the sister actually did? Sorry, I am such a nosey caaaahhhh!