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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find having cream squirted in my face funny?

183 replies

DrinkingWatermelon · 30/03/2014 17:20

Visiting my Grandmother today for tea and cakes. A few other members of the family were there too.

My cousin who is 8 asked his dad if he would squirt cream in his mouth - which he did. My uncle then turned to me and said do you want some too Watermelon?

I said no and he still proceeded to shove it in my face so I turned my head away and then he decided to actually squirt it on my face and even some went in my hair. So it wasn't even a small little blob.

My uncle found it hilarious until he saw my face and he did apologise but I still felt I should have just laughed along.

My uncle is early 40s and I'm 24 - I wouldn't do that to another adult. Aibu and need to her a sense of humour?

OP posts:
diddl · 31/03/2014 12:35

No, CB I completely agree with you.

I assume that posters who think that OP is overreacting would be more than happy for their Uncle to squirt cream into their mouths.

Which is fine, of course.

Not all of us would.

Especially after saying no.

babyboomersrock · 31/03/2014 13:06

So, to be clear, all the uncle-defenders think it was coincidental that he did this to a young female relative?

And that he might just as readily have done it to an young adult male?

So this older man would be chasing a young man around, squirting cream into his mouth while the young man protested? And you'd all think that was fine and dandy?

Caitlin17 · 31/03/2014 13:07

CuntyBunty you are correct about this being an example of the every day , ingrained, unthinking sexism women are just supposed to put up with. It's depressing seeing several posters going along with that and reading their "hilarious" responses.

diddl · 31/03/2014 13:21

When OP said no, why didn't he ask OPs GM (his mum?) for example?
Or indeed anyone else if they wanted cream squirting in their mouth?

gertiegusset · 31/03/2014 13:35

I agree with you too CB, I hate food fights, it would really fucking piss me off if someone, even a child, squirted cream in my face.

Yonineedaminute · 31/03/2014 13:43

I agree with the previous poster who said that threads like this are quite insulting to people who have genuinely been assaulted and also perpetuate the stereotype that women are hysterical, ott and over analyse everything.

And the poster whose Dh said that he must fancy his niece to do that???? On the basis of this one incident?

Sometimes I will read my dh an AIBU and ask him to guess what the overwhelming response is. I read him the OP and his response was 'surely everyone is going to say she is being unreasonable and that it is a bit of an non event'.

Analyse that.

Driveway · 31/03/2014 13:51

I don't really think she ought to make a trifle especially.
I think she ought to kill his parents and burn down his house.
;)

matildasquared · 31/03/2014 13:52

For those of you who are so outraged that this incident is technically, legally assault, go ahead and contact your MP and campaign to have the law changed. Tell them that you don't think an incident should be classified as assault if it involves an uncle/niece, or if it involves food, or if it happens on Mother's Day, or if it involves someone "overreacting" to a "joke"--not sure what your parameters are. Do a whole facebook campaign against "un-genuine" assaults being assaults by statute.

And Yoni--thank god. I had been sitting here waiting for your husband's verdict!

diddl · 31/03/2014 13:54

"I read him the OP and his response was 'surely everyone is going to say she is being unreasonable and that it is a bit of an non event'."

Does that fact that she said no mean nothing then?

KatnipEvergreen · 31/03/2014 13:54

I find it a sexual thing as well, just deeply odd behaviour.

So this older man would be chasing a young man around, squirting cream into his mouth while the young man protested? And you'd all think that was fine and dandy?

Exactly, it was no coincidence that it was a young female he did this too.

Who is hysterical? Which is a sexist phrase in itself of course.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2014 13:55

Cock. Bet he wouldn't have done that to a man. From now on, refer to him as Uncle K. For knobber. All in fun, of course.

KatnipEvergreen · 31/03/2014 13:56

Sometimes I will read my dh an AIBU and ask him to guess what the overwhelming response is. I read him the OP and his response was 'surely everyone is going to say she is being unreasonable and that it is a bit of an non event'.

I'm so glad for a MAN's opinion on this, to calm down all these HYSTERICAL females. FFS.

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/03/2014 13:57

YANBU. He was being a dick. Inappropriate and humiliating.

Is he usually like that?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/03/2014 13:58

I don't think anyone has said that it was an ok thing to do.
So I'm not sure there are any "uncle defenders" particularly.
Just that, there's been a lot of extrapolation and some inappropriate vitriol.

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/03/2014 13:59

Yes thank goodness we have a male perspective on this at last Hmm

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/03/2014 14:02

We don't know he wouldn't have done that to a man though.
Some ppl are like that, a bit loose with their physical boundaries and "horseplay" Hmm
It was inappropriate to spray cream after she had declined. But without much more detail it's not, IMHO, possible to say much else about the incident or the uncle.
He might be a nice man. He might be a complete shit. It might have been a misguided joke, or an incident of sexual aggression.
I don't think we can tell from the information given.

diddl · 31/03/2014 14:06

"I don't think we can tell from the information given."

He said "should I do this?"

She said "no"

He did it anyway.

That's enough info, isn't it?

quietlysuggests · 31/03/2014 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

matildasquared · 31/03/2014 14:11

No no no diddl.

You don't understand that it was her uncle. Also, a joke.

We have to shout down people who object to this and explain to them that they're unreasonable. Also, hysterical. Otherwise you'll have all sorts of people asserting their right to their own personal space!

Yoni's husband said so.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/03/2014 14:11

diddl enough information to say what exactly?

That he shouldn't have done it? Yes.

That he's an abusive bullying cunt who enjoys humiliating his younger female relatives and should be frozen out of her life? Not so much.

matildasquared · 31/03/2014 14:13

Yoni, please have your husband adjudicate on all of the threads from now on.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/03/2014 14:13

So no. I don't think you can neccessarily tell from the op that this was an incident of sexual aggression.

matildasquared · 31/03/2014 14:35

I have no idea whether it was sexual, might have been, who knows. But going over to someone and putting food in their face in order to humiliate them is aggressive. There is no way that it not aggressive.

The OP isn't saying, "I kinda found it funny, but I don't know..." She's saying, "I felt really humiliated."

Those of you who are hurrying here to find justifications for his actions or to call her judgement into question or to generally rant about "overreactions"--you should be ashamed of yourselves.

My husband said so.

diddl · 31/03/2014 14:36

My husband said so.
Grin

TheRealAmandaClarke · 31/03/2014 14:44

Yes she felt humiliated.
But that doesn't mean it was his intention.
And he apologised.
She said she felt like she was meant to laugh along, not that he said she should laugh along with it.