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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my generation got stiffed at both ends?

115 replies

blanchedeveraux · 30/03/2014 15:46

Was having a conversation with a childhood friend last night (we're both 48) and we were talking about growing up in the 70s. Our parents' word was law, we lived in a very adult centric world. We got belted at school (sometimes for little or no reason) and occasionally smacked/cuffed round the ear by our parents as well.

Weekends were a coma of boredom. Mum would clean the house and drag me food shopping. Very little was done specifically for kids back then, you just went along with what your parents told you.

Cut to now when I have a 17 and 13 yo and for their whole lives me and DH have always put them first so that our social lives really revolved around what they wanted, taking them to soft play/parties/clubs/gymteds... you know the kind of thing I mean.

I'm not harking back to the "old days". I wouldn't want my children to get any of the negatives of that time and I don't resent my life with my DCs, I love them and want them to be happy.

I just wonder what others think and if they feel similar or am I talking shite?

OP posts:

Apatite1 · 30/03/2014 15:51

Sounds about right. I grew up in the 80s and it was pretty similar.

siblingrevelry · 30/03/2014 15:52

I was born in 1975 and, whilst I recognise some of what you talk about, I only have happy memories of my childhood and don't feel it was hugely different to my own children's, except they have far more stuff and we have more money than my parents did.

They put us first and we did fun stuff, it's just that we did 'free' fun stuff like going to the park, as opposed to soft play etc.

picasso87 · 30/03/2014 15:56

Well if it makes you feel better I'm in my 20s and my parents did next to nothing for me either.

Guitargirl · 30/03/2014 15:57

I was born in 1976 and I 100% know what you mean OP. I remember the coma of boredom very well indeed. To the point that I admit I am a bit obsessive about taking the DCs out and about, they will probably grow up longing for a day at home ! If I spend the weekend at home now doing nothing I feel very down and I am sure that's a hangover from years as a child of spending weekends doing nothing or at B and sodding Q. What a waste.

Fusedog · 30/03/2014 15:57

Sorry but I think my childhood was far less displined than my ds I was allowed to do what ever I wanted.

Also I don't think it's a case of parents back then not doing thing for the children I think it's a case of not being to indulged

Even though my parents were a bit shit I do think that children firmly did what they were told by adult now it seems adult firmly do what they are told by children

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2014 15:58

Don't forget recessions at both ends at well. Couldn't get a job to build up some money and savings to buy a place, can't make enough money to save for retirement now.

cheepsskram · 30/03/2014 16:00

My reply would be almost word for word what Siblingrevelry has put.

I was born in '77 and I recognise some of the strictness (especially in that I was hardly ever rude to my parents and was a very tame teen) however, I remember my childhood being full of love. We didn't have much money so I didn't ask for things - I never even used to give my mum those book leaflets that were sent home from school as I knew I could never have a new book but we went to the library every single Saturday.

My children have far more than I ever had but far less than their friends (and their sister, my DSD). But, my house is full of love and I am confident that when they are adults, My DS and DD will realise just how lucky they are to have a wonderful family around them.

fuckoffbeaker · 30/03/2014 16:04

I loved growing up in the 70s we could play out till all hours, you knew to respect elders and we knew our boundaries. Everyone and his dog didnt have some kind of issue and a spade was a spade, none of this ooh you can't say that crap

happy days

PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 30/03/2014 16:05

I hear you - born in 1969 but my parents were a generation older than that, as they had me late in life. Life was all about accommodating my Dad, whose word was law, physical punishment abounded and weekends were miserable. As a teenager I had to plead for lifts - possibly got one once every couple of weeks, but if my Dad subsequently arranged something my plans would just be cancelled. I took to hitchhiking everywhere, and probably needn't describe the situations I got into as a result. But now it seems it's still my job to completely accommodate my children. It's enough to make one become bitter and twisted .

Personally, though, I try to take pride in things being different for my children. I also try, now and again, to draw a line in the sand and not be too much of a doormat, but old habits die hard.

juneau · 30/03/2014 16:06

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I was born in the 1970s and my parents did take us to the zoo or the beach or shopping in the nearest city, but there was a lot of emphasis on us amusing ourselves, playing outside, etc, which I actually think was good.

We were belted though and my parents and step-parents were very strict, and that was crap. We had no say in anything and I remember feeling rather resentful of that as I grew up, so I try to give my DC choices or at least involve them when planning days out, holidays, sometimes even chores, in order that they're less painful for us all. I suppose I would say that the family that DH and I have created is a democracy, whereas the ones we grew up in weren't!

BertieBotts · 30/03/2014 16:12

I think it is generational but also dependent on the parents. My mum's childhood was very much as you describe, do as you're told, get dragged along to parent-centred stuff, not kid-related stuff.

However I don't feel my childhood was totally child centred. We did some child friendly things but there was also a lot of what my mum wanted to do. We'd go off and play outside etc rather than being entertained. 90s, so not so long ago. I think I'm making a similar balance for DS, some things he wants to do, some things we want to do, sometimes we do our own thing, etc.

Original poster

blanchedeveraux · 30/03/2014 16:14

Hi thanks for responses! Interesting!Purple.. I hear you, my parents had me late in life (they were born in 1922 and 1924) so the idea to them of children having a say in anything was beyond comprehension. I even remember the very rare times we ate out (approximately once very 2 years if I was lucky!) my Dad ordered for me!

OP posts:

Creamycoolerwithcream · 30/03/2014 16:15

I'm 45 and my childhood sounds completely different to yours OP. My week was filled with gymnastics (three times a week), Brownies, guides, country dancing and youth clubs. We went shopping each weekend and I got to choose something at the bakers and maybe a new toy or when I was older small accessory such as belt or purse. I remember Saturday evenings fondly, we were allowed to eat in the lounge and watch shows such as 'Chips'. Sundays were a trip to the coast with a picnic, walk in the park after a yummy roast and then a tea with home made cake. If I didn't want to do these outings there was the option of going out with my friends on my silver Disco skates (loved those skates). When I was younger I remember being shown to knit and sew by my DM and then I went onto do these activities myself as hobbies. I remember my DB getting caned at school when he was naughty.

Wantsunshine · 30/03/2014 16:15

I was born in 74 and at the weekends my siblings and I always did loads. There were loads of clubs and sports things. I think my parents were constantly ferrying us around! Loads more freedom too. My parents weren't strict but it was assumed you respected your elders.

gordyslovesheep · 30/03/2014 16:16

I was born in 1970 - weekends where a mixture of housework, baking and long walks

I have very happy memories of entertaining myself, playing out all day with friends and blackberry picking

You choose to ferry your kids round and 'put your social lives on hold' - that's not the norm for everyone - I strike a balance between what they want and what I do

Floralnomad · 30/03/2014 16:17

I think you just had a crap childhood ,I am 48 this year and I had a great childhood ,never got hit at school ( my mum would have been in like a shot) ,and spent my teens messing about with my horses . I think there was a lot less pressure on kids then ,there were decent jobs even without A levels ,lots of people I know left school at 16 /18 and got jobs in banks and the civil service where they've made good careers for themselves .

Merrylegs · 30/03/2014 16:20

Oh I don't know. No student loans for a start. And you could sign on during uni hols. Parents having no clue what you were up to because our lives were not lived publicly online. Plus The Smiths live, Brixton Academy circa 1983. Good times.

PurpleSproutingBroccoli · 30/03/2014 16:21

Yes - my (late) Dad was born in 1920. I try to bear in mind that, compared to mine, his childhood - real poverty in rural Ireland, with a disabled mother and many siblings would have been truly grim. By 14 he had left school and was an agricultural labourer, so to him an 80s teenager must have seemed like an alien.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/03/2014 16:22

yes the sunday afternoon coma of boredom... don't wake your mother, and that after sitting through church too. (for some reason they decided not to run sunday school at the same time)

diddl · 30/03/2014 16:22

I'm 50 & would completely disagree tbh.

I was never taken food shopping.

Was always out & about visiting friends under my own steam.

Or out for a bike ride with friends after breakfast, taking lunch & returning for evening meal.

I guess it depends where you live & how accessible stuff is without parents having to take you all the time.

Original poster

blanchedeveraux · 30/03/2014 16:24

Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about Sunday School. Then when you came back you watched "Going for a Song". It really wasn't fun, lol

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 30/03/2014 16:25

I sang in choir - and when we came home we listened to Monty Python albums on the gramophone

Lunaballoon · 30/03/2014 16:27

I was a 70s child too and recognise a lot of what you say, OP. I know we were loved but I never felt my DB and I were the centre of our parents' world in the way my kids are. They were very much focused on their own social lives and spent very little time doing things specifically for us. The expression "benign neglect" parenting could have been made for them actually!

Having said that, I had so much more freedom than my kids. Most of my childhood was spent playing outdoors, building dens, climbing trees etc. Then free university education and into work fairly easily. I think it's much tougher for kids these days.

WitchWay · 30/03/2014 16:27

I'm 48 & my mum used to work two weekends a month (nurse) so Dad would take me & my brother out hiking which was great! The other weekends were more dull & consisted mostly of being dragged round M&S by Mum.

diddl · 30/03/2014 16:29

I remember a boy getting "the slipper" at primary school.

Ther was no corporal punishment at the 2ndry school I went to though (all girls Grammar)

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