To think my generation got stiffed at both ends?

[blanchedeveraux]

Was having a conversation with a childhood friend last night (we're both 48) and we were talking about growing up in the 70s. Our parents' word was law, we lived in a very adult centric world. We got belted at school (sometimes for little or no reason) and occasionally smacked/cuffed round the ear by our parents as well.

Weekends were a coma of boredom. Mum would clean the house and drag me food shopping. Very little was done specifically for kids back then, you just went along with what your parents told you.

Cut to now when I have a 17 and 13 yo and for their whole lives me and DH have always put them first so that our social lives really revolved around what they wanted, taking them to soft play/parties/clubs/gymteds... you know the kind of thing I mean.

I'm not harking back to the "old days". I wouldn't want my children to get any of the negatives of that time and I don't resent my life with my DCs, I love them and want them to be happy.

I just wonder what others think and if they feel similar or am I talking shite?

Yep, born in 1973 and same experience and just to top it off, my parents now think me and DH invest far too much time and effort into our children, taking them out but equally just spending our weekends with them. They accuse us of not getting enough done around the house and that the children are the centre of everything...

Spoilt, selfish baby boomers.

[some of my above comments might be a Mother's Day rant...]

This thread is making me feel guilty because I was also born the seventies, and my parents did loads with me as a kid, have done loads with my kids like taking them on holiday and days out, still help with my teens and live independently. I don't know what I'd do without them.

I think forgetting the material differences because there have always been rich and poor the main difference is the place of children in society.

we weren't listened to. parents and teachers/adults word was law. any adult could cuff you, the dreaded 'parkie' smacked my bum as a child. can you imagine that now?

very little awareness or care of child protection or health and safety.

I was utterly shocked to see how friendly my teens were with their teachers, mine were generally bloody vile and scary.

very very different today.

Haha, XH1 & I bought our first flat in Clapham, in 1980, for £19,000! My salary was £7,500; his was £6,900. At 25 we were the first of our peers to buy, by many years. We had to push really hard for a mortgage based on both our salaries, things just weren't set up that way.

Seems really quaint now, dunnit?!

I was born in 1945 - and we had rationing to contend with as well. Didn't see a banana until I was 4. Families were still digging themselves out of rubble and had nowhere to live. Families were grieving loved ones. My God, you lot had it easy

dh just said that at his tough boys grammar there would be a regular queue outside the deputy heads office to get the cane. he was a golfer too so the swing was hard.

he also remembers being picked up literally by his hair.

I can remember being smacked really hard aged 7 by a teacher for standing in a chair. hated that cow.

however dh also remembers 4 day cricket competitions and I remember never having homework until at least 14.

"I'd rather eat an iPad than go back to life without the internet"

xkcd.com/1348/

I would agree based on my personal experience and those of my close friends growing up. (Born 1977) We were all expected to fit in around the adults. Cleaning the house and their plans/routines took priority. We were expected just to keep out of the way and amuse ourselves. Parents never gave any teens lifts and barely asked where We were going when We said we were staying at a friends at 14yo - they would never have thought of calling to speak to another parent to check or anything. Dinner was eaten when they wanted it (8-9pm), complaining was not really tolerated.

However, when I went to uni and widened my circle I met loads of people with completely different upbringings. Now when I meet people of the same age they are aghast at things I say. So it just depends on your parents I think. My parents think we are too child centric too, and my time would be better spent cleaning and cooking rather than playing with ds. But I don't agree with their parenting choices either, so I just ignore them (altho skyping my mum and her telling me how messy my house is because some toys are on the floor particularly pisses me off, especially when she says 'oh look at how messy your house is ds. What has mummy been doing all day? Mummy needs to do some tidying...' )

Almond my grandparents died when I was very young, so my parents didn't have to cope with aging parents, but I do remember friends Mum's looking after elderly relatives, so yes it did happen, but these Mums didn't also work out of the home full-time, which is the case for me and some of my friends.

TheBody I also benefited from free University education, the LEA grant was enough to live off, and I could sign-on during the summer. My parents didn't have to contribute a penny. It's scandalous that our DC have to pay fees and don't get enough to live on. We're not rich by any means but still have to find money to top-up DS's loan.

almondcake don't feel bad about it. I wonder what makes the difference in some families to others? My DH had the same experience as you and my in-laws now seem to enjoy playing with my children and taking them out for the day. It's just my parents who went the other way....

I can definitely relate to you Op. I was born late 70s and every Saturday was spent either traipsing around the shops with parents or amusing myself whilst my dad did outside chores and mum did inside chores.

Sunday was Sunday school, home for lunch, then visiting relatives for crappy tea and sandwiches and sitting quietly whilst they talked. If we misbehaved or were noisy we would get the look and very occasionally smacked with a slipper on returning home!

Now, I always put DC first, and it does seem some weekends are spent accommodating their social calendar, but I know that they appreciate it and we have a closer relationship from spending time together.

Yes cathers lived the same life as me
Saturday, wash the car, mow the lawn, clean the house
Sunday, Sunday school on own with sister, afternoon to early evening, family tea, antiques road show

I have an uncle who is lovely but my goodness he was strict. At the age of 8 I took a brochure from a store, thinking it was free. When we got home he saw it and saw that there was a price on it. I had to take it back and tell them that I was sorry for stealing it.

Another time I fell out with my brother. He told me to pack a bag- I was to sleep in the shed that night. It was just a threat, but I believed it.

He is 20 years younger with me back then he was late 20s but with an old mans head on his shoulders.

Now he is a dad (his son is 10, my uncle is 58) and he is so soft. To the point that if I see my DS (6) being a bit rough, he tells me to lay off him. He lets his son play on his phone all the time, and although my son does too, I don't let him play on it if his cousins are around- they can play instead!!

My DB is 36 and is in no way strict like my uncle, and he is a secondary teacher!

I am 55 and my children have had a very different upbringing than I did. It's not about the financial differences though, great that they are. My parents had us very young and were just not as involved in our lives. Benign neglect reigned. We did whatever we wanted because they, mum in particular, were too wrapped up in their own busy social life to make the effort.
I did bad stuff and made bad choices because I could. It wasn't until I had teenagers of my own that I really twigged how bad it was.

Don't feel bad Almond.

MrsB - both my Nana's worked outside of the home, full and part time over the years. Not saying everyone did, but some did. Dad's mum had 8 kids, one with SEN, a DH who was severely depressed (PTSD these days) and a bedridden MIL. She marshalled the older kids into various work rotas and managed.

It seems like a different world with such big differences in expectations of kids.

We all had our children young

'What has mummy been doing all day? Mummy needs to do some tidying...' - for you, MrsK!

NoMama your Nana's sound as though they were made of stern stuff! Especially the one who coped with 8 children, a poorly DH & MIL and went out to work. Compared to that my life is a breeze.

I recognise a lot in your post too. I'm 48. But I have fond memories of my childhood. I had a best friend next door who I hung out with. And a lot of freedom - the going out the door for the day and just expected back at mealtimes, from a younger age than I would have ever let my own DC.
But DM was always brandishing the wooden spoon, and punishments tended to be physical at home and school to a great extent.

It was a much quieter life. The high light of the weekend was Sunday school and listening to the top 40 on Sunday night.

My DCs have a much more privileged upbringing. Middle class, and a lot more money that my family had when I was growing up working class/lower middle and not aspirational with a limited outlook. I envy the opportunities they are exposed to which I never had.

I enjoyed my childhood. But I think I would enjoy a childhood now.It's hard to tell how I would have fared as a child these days, but I think I'd do ok.

Hmm, I actually think that many of those of us that were born in the 60s have, on the whole, had an incredibly easy life.

I don't recognise much of what the OP and others have said, but then I guess all families are different.

I'm 50-something and had so much more freedom than children have now. Life wasn't boring because I was out and about all the time on my bike. Yes, I went shopping with Mum sometimes, and was expected to help with housework. Didn't have many luxuries either, but life was very active and interesting.
Even then it wasn't acceptable for teachers to dole out physical punishment, although the odd bit of chalk was thrown with deadly accuracy.

Gosh... was born in 1969.
I remember Sundays being SO BORING!
I remember outings being to Thorpe Park (not long been opened), Chessington (still a Zoo back then). Lots of walks at Brighton in the rain.
I remember boredom as a teenager.
We had a great big garden and I remember being very happy there when younger.
Lots of Saturday trips to butchers, bakers, farm shop. Occasional Supermarket (small then!) - and I loved all these. Perhaps for just something to do. I went to Brownies, Guides, dancing, ballet. Think was happy as anything really. Went to lots of friends houses for tea. Much more freedom, I was allowed to cycle around the village and to neighbouring villages on my own or with friends from age 8/9. Walked the dog on my own age 11, all around fields etc.
No, not as many activities as children have now, but gosh, we had some freedom! I'd happily go back to having a home phone, and no answer phone and definitely no mobile. The internet is useful for homework, but otherwise happy to get rid of. Could buy The Joy of Knowledge again!

I feel lucky to have a dishwasher, easy to prepare food, washer dryer, Internet shopping etc so I can get housework done really quickly and than be able to take my children out, not resentful to my parents because these things either weren't invented or commonplace.

I think that playing out, visits to the park in a gang, making dens and riding bikes was a much healthier lifestyle than organised activities and helicopter parenting.

My parents were convinced that television was corrupting and we had a phone lock, happy days!!