To think my generation got stiffed at both ends?

[blanchedeveraux]

Was having a conversation with a childhood friend last night (we're both 48) and we were talking about growing up in the 70s. Our parents' word was law, we lived in a very adult centric world. We got belted at school (sometimes for little or no reason) and occasionally smacked/cuffed round the ear by our parents as well.

Weekends were a coma of boredom. Mum would clean the house and drag me food shopping. Very little was done specifically for kids back then, you just went along with what your parents told you.

Cut to now when I have a 17 and 13 yo and for their whole lives me and DH have always put them first so that our social lives really revolved around what they wanted, taking them to soft play/parties/clubs/gymteds... you know the kind of thing I mean.

I'm not harking back to the "old days". I wouldn't want my children to get any of the negatives of that time and I don't resent my life with my DCs, I love them and want them to be happy.

I just wonder what others think and if they feel similar or am I talking shite?

I agree we were lucky regarding jobs. Where I lived my friends and I, after our O levels all wrote 3 or 4 letters to the banks in London and each of us got a job. These would probably be graduate positions now.

Like diddl I'm same generation and recognise some of what you say, but not all. I have no memories of being dragged food shopping - indeed, most of the shopping was done at the individual shops on the way home from school (work for Mum) as there weren't supermarkets around then, we'd go to the butchers, the greengrocers, the grocers, the bakers, etc.
So much of this depends on your own parents' circumstances, and your own circumstances though. Yes, mine get to go to more things than we did, but a lot of that is because I can drive and my Mum couldn't. We still went to Brownies (Cubs/Scouts for my brother), swimming lessons, Church though, same as my dc do. It's not that different really.

I knew you were going to be a similar age to me, only I was thinking screwed up educational experiments and lack of pension for us when we eventually get to retire!

I think the age of your parents is probably the key to it. I was born in 72 and don't recognise what you describe. However, my parents were young when they had me (20 and 21) and your childhood sounds like theirs which makes sense as your parents were more like my grandparents generation.

Same age as you OP, I thought this was going to be about the 'sandwich generation' coping with elderly parents and teen children whilst holding down a full-time job - yes I feel as if I'm 'stiffed at both ends' some days!

In some ways I had a strict upbringing, regularly got hit with a slipper, wooden spoon etc. But in other ways had freedom to do what I wanted, particularly during summer holidays when I was turfed out of the house in the morning and not expected to come back until tea time.

I remember being dragged to visit elderly relatives on a Sunday afternoon and having to sit quietly whilst the adults had endless cups of tea and chatted, I didn't dare complain as I'd have got a hiding when I got home. When my friends come round with young DC they moan and whine that they're bored and I think that they don't know the meaning of the word!

The biggest change for children these days is 24/7 access to the outside world. We had a telephone, but it was only for use after 6pm, and time was strictly limited, plus no conversation was ever private, as the phone was in the hallway, and my parents would be constantly walking past, particularly if it was a boyfriend on the line. I used to watch American TV shows and dream of having a phone in my bedroom which I could call my friends on. Nowadays DC are constantly texting/messaging friends. Also I didn't have a TV in my bedroom, I had to watch the one TV in the house and parents decided what programme was on.

I couldn't leave home quick enough though, whereas DC today aren't in any hurry.

I think I had a very similar childhood to the one my children have in terms of my parents doing stuff with us. We had lots of cheap days out and they sent me to activities like dance, running, drama and ballet.

The thing that may have changed is the teenage years. When I was a teenager, I was able to essentially able to join a young adult 15-25 social world. There were very few checks on ID in young peoples' pubs and gigs. I could go and see an amazing range of bands locally and be in a social environment where I felt safe because all my friends were there. Now teens seem to be at some heavily organised activity, indoors online, or hanging around on the streets or in parks, with all the problems that brings.

They also seem to be hugely stressed now by the amount of controlled assessment and the number of GCSEs they have to do. School was far less stressful for me than it has been for DS. The same for younger kids. We never had SATs or early years goals. I was at play school with plasticine until the term after my fifth birthday.

The cost of housing was so much cheaper that I had friends who were able to get a job at 16, move out of home and rent a shared room and be independent. University was far cheaper too.

Plus there's the well documented problem now of even young teens being under pressure due to sexualisation and how unhappy that is making them, and that everything is so divided by gender now for children. I wore my brother's hand me downs and only wore a dress for special occasions.

The obvious exception is for gay teens. Things have hugely improved for gay people, although there are still problems.

I dunno. I was born in the early 70s and think it had its merits. We ran free basically, playing, taking ourselves off to the park and the fair without parents, playing in the road. Much better, I think, than all these supervised organised activities. I also think the sexual and 'beauty' pressures are much tougher on kids now than at our age. And I think the colour coded gender stereotyping for little kids is much worse than in our day.

I was thinking the same, mine were 17 and 23 when I was born. They always made me and hopefully my DB the mist important thing in their lives.
I am a half full sort of person so may be remembering things through rise tinted glasses. I just feel fortunate to be born in the late sixties. Free uni, cheap housing, a bit of final salary pension, cheap air travel, young enough to enjoy the benefits of technology.

Oh, and our generation aren't expected to wax off our pubes which for me is a killer argument as to why it is better to be my generation than a younger one!

Almond cake is right about school being more pressured. Primary school kids getting homework ffs! We never had that!

Similar age to you OP. I remember Sundays being dull with shopping and other restrictions in place. Agree that generally parents (and other adults) seemed to have greater authority. That said, we did loads of family based activites - my dad took us to football matches on Saturdays (cheap terrace tickets for 3rd division football clubs); my mum and dad often took us to the theatre, out to restaurants etc. We were taken on family holidays that involved villas, sunshine and swimming (definitely not for my Dad's benefit - he couldn't swim and burnt easily). I think my Dad was a bit unusual for his time - he worked full time over 4 days a week and shared all the parenting/household stuff (and proudly called himself a feminist).

The only thing that bothers me about bringing children up now is the prevalence of screens, and ensuring kids are not glued to them for hours on end at the expense of other activities. Apart from that, the things my children do are similar to what I/my siblings did.

I was born in the mid 60's and my parents were born in the early 1920's but I remember my childhood as being full of love, yes ,I did what I was told but I knew that I had my parents love and support. We had very little money so didn't do much at weekends that cost anything. We did long walks and helped in the garden or with the baking. I have tried to pass on to my DC's that feeling of encompassing love, I hope i have succeeded.

I grew up in the 1970s and was very happy with the long, empty weekends and lack of adult intervention in my spare time. Today I am still hugely independent. I think over-scheduling children's weekends is actually quite bad for their development in some ways.

MrsHappyBee I could have written your post.

I was born in 64.

I left home at 18 and havnt taken a penny off my parents since.

my older ones are 24/23 and both have moved back temporarily ( hopefully) both supported through uni financially.

dds are teens and neither wants to go to uni or expresses any longing to leave home.

things are so different now for kids.

Also ,look how easy it was to get on the housing ladder in the 80s as young adults compared to now .

to add didn't go abroad until I was 16. that's laughable to my kids and went to the cinema onceas a child to see 'chitty chitty' and once as a teen to see Jodie foster in changing places. incomprehensible to my kids.

the best thing was having a bike because if you had a bike you had freedom to roam and a watch to make sure you got home for tea time.

Child of the 60s/70s here so I can relate to this.
I feel squeezed though as I have elderly parents to look after, plus teens, plus a little one plus working full time. It seems as if I am pulled in way too many directions. Is this progress?

Agree with you all, if that's possible! I was an early baby-boomer (b. 1955) and grew up in quite severe poverty which was normal in the post-war years. Things improved in the 1970s but I went out of school into a grim economic depression. I did get a free uni education, when I went back in my early twenties. Started my working life without equal pay; began my post-grad career with no maternity entitlements. Had to trail-blaze all the bloody time, from buying property, to getting promoted, to buying my own drinks and making waiters give me the bill.

The middle part was really good

Now my state pension age has shot up, my private pensions are worthless having been misappropriated; NHS services and welfare provisions are going down the pan just as I'm starting to really need them.

On the whole I think there's swings & roundabouts for each generation ... but get really cross about those whining articles saying the older generations have stitched the younger one up! The entire complaint is based on a sense of entitlement never before seen on these isles, outside of the landed classes.

Flora yes we brought our first house in 88 with a deposit of £100 and a 100% mortgage. it was a 3 bed detached for £32,000. seemed so expensive to us then ha ha.

I was born in the early 1960s and I think my children have so much more freedom to talk to friends by text and internet chat than I ever did. I was brought up on a farm until age 11 and hated it. So isolated.

I agree about the 'phone in the hallway' thing. The sitting for hours not daring to speak while parents talked. We played outside for hours but really life was boring and isolated in village. I lost myself in books. If the internet had been around in those days I would have spent all my time on it as my children do now.

I went to boarding school at age 11 which was grim in many ways but I loved it. I got hit very hard at home and never at school. My school teachers became my parents and my real parents I never speak to now.

I indulge my early teenage children - although they think I am unfair - they go on skiing trips with school, rowing trips, all sorts of trips abroad and in the UK with us and school, out to restaurants and cinema. I did none of those as a child. Frankly my parents didn't care. The only place they took us was dragging round shops and stately homes (yes I lived that thread too).

Not so benign neglect.

What has changed for people to have more pressure now to look after teens and elderly parents at the same time? Hasn't this always been the case or are people living longer or having poorer health?

I too am 48.

My childhood had its share of being dragged round the shops on Saturdays, being seen and not heard.

But I don't think I'd swap the freedom I had to go out and play, have bike will travel.

I prefer having grown up with a sense of personal responsibility. With the ability to keep myself occupied and happy with little outside help, electrical gizmoes etc.

It wasn't all sunlight and roses, but I do remember being allowed to be a child and the day that I was then expected to begin to be grown up.

I also remember being able to find and rent a bedsit for myself. Feeling all grown up because of it. Graduating to a flat share, then a house share. Most of my students have told me very determinedly that they won't be moving out until they can buy a 3 bed house... how middle class and middle aged of them, at 16!

I think, on balance, that I got the best of that particular deal. Little money, few things and a whole heap of love and certainty.

I say that as the kid that was always expected to be the generous one, the one that would always 'do' for you, always go without if necessary. The one whose teen years were very restricted, as I am the eldest and my parents always imagined the worst. I survived so my sister got a much easier ride through. So don't think I was the golden child! I was just a child of the 60/70s.

I was born in 72 and my childhood was a lot of what the OP describes. Me and my brother were expected to entertain ourselves and stay out of my mum and step dads way or do jobs all the time. My mum came down on anything out of line like a ton of bricks even though neither of us was particularly naughty.

My parents had me at 25 so not an older generation but both had had hard upbringings themselves that they found hard to move away from. I lived for the weekends when I went to my dad and step mum's for an afternoon because my stepmum was totally different and life there was much more forgiving and child centred.

My son does have way more than I ever had but mostly I make sure he has a lot more love and choices and that he feels valued for who he is.

Yes, it's always been the case almond. For a while there was a wider range of state-owned care facilities, which had both good and bad sides. We haven't really had to take responsibility for our own since before WW2, or possibly longer. (Before WW1 children went into employment at around 13, mostly.)

The current sandwich generation is kidding itself on, though.

My Nana lived with her DH and kids and her mum in the back room.

Other Nana had her MIL alongside her DH and 8 kids. Both older ladies were disabled and required a lot of care.

Extended families were more the norm, 3 generations in close proximity, often in the same house. No care homes, your homes, etc.

But teens actually left home as teens, rather than staying teen until they reached 30 and then considering it!