To think my generation got stiffed at both ends?

[blanchedeveraux]

Was having a conversation with a childhood friend last night (we're both 48) and we were talking about growing up in the 70s. Our parents' word was law, we lived in a very adult centric world. We got belted at school (sometimes for little or no reason) and occasionally smacked/cuffed round the ear by our parents as well.

Weekends were a coma of boredom. Mum would clean the house and drag me food shopping. Very little was done specifically for kids back then, you just went along with what your parents told you.

Cut to now when I have a 17 and 13 yo and for their whole lives me and DH have always put them first so that our social lives really revolved around what they wanted, taking them to soft play/parties/clubs/gymteds... you know the kind of thing I mean.

I'm not harking back to the "old days". I wouldn't want my children to get any of the negatives of that time and I don't resent my life with my DCs, I love them and want them to be happy.

I just wonder what others think and if they feel similar or am I talking shite?

Primary school was about learning, not form filling so teachers could spend a week on a really interesting project from time to time & lessons for those who found stuff tricky could be adapted. The school environment was far less "busy" too (do kids ever do any work in books nowadays or is everything used as wallpaper?). School libraries had real books in them and you were given a graded reader to take home so you, the child could judge your own progress against your peers.

Kids were given responsibility at an appropriate pace, now we go from not letting them walk to the corner shop to expecting them to live independently at Uni and then wondering why they cock up? The 1970's recession meant life skills such as sewing on buttons, replacing plugs, prepping simple meals from scratch etc were really important, so kids learnt them.

Schools respected the parent/child boundary and in turn parents respected teachers. (you'd get a cuff round the ear if the teacher told your Mum you'd been cheeky - nowadays the poor teacher gets a mouthful of the parent for not appreciating Jocasta's oooman rights to free expression). Noone cared what was in your lunch box - I can't have been the only one who really looked forward to a huge wagon wheel on a Friday in mine.

It was perfectly OK to go the park for a picnic on a sunny Saturday afternoon, noone sneered at you cos you'd hadn't spent a fortune at the indoor soft play place when you went back to school on Monday mornings. McDonalds or Wimpy's was a treat you might experience for ONE birthday - it probably wasn't your own. Everyone got a deflated balloon and a slice of cake to take home after parties - the competitive party bag phenonomen had not yet taken root.

Children were encouraged into independence - you see it in Scandanavia now still, not helicopter parented well into the probationary period of their first job. (Most Mums would have died at the thought of ringing their adult child's boss!) The goal was to "teach us to stand on our own two feet". I wonder sometimes what it is now.

Nope. I'm 54 and although I was a shocking inconvenience to my mother who didn't want children, I had a pony, I lived near the sea, I played out with my friends for hours and hours, I had pony club activities and we were members of the local hotel's social club so access to a swimming pool as well as the sea in the summer. I also had lots of outings to London because my grandparents had a flat there. I spent huge amounts of time with my grandparents as a child and it was fantastic. In London entertainment was being left in the toy department in Harrods whilst grannie shopped - or my mother would take me to Biba . And we listened to the band in St James's park, went boating on the serpentine and watching the changing of the Guard.

DH grew up a bit poorer and bit more dourly but neither of us ever saw any evidence of corporal punishment at school beyond the threat of the slipper. Sundays were different though - on Sundays one had to make one's own entertainment because everything was shut - I don't think even cinemas opened and the streets, even in London, used to be very very quiet.

The difference between me and my children is that my children were wanted and are loved and haven't been subjected to serial divorce and haven't had a pony because stabling in zone 2 is a bit tricky.

But Bochead both DH and I, and our children can stand on their own two feet. Our DC can cook, find their way across London, handle themselves in coompany and both have picked up paid odd jobs with no trouble at all. I do agree with you about Sweden though - we had au-pairs when they were smaller and the Swedish au-pairs were by far the best - more sensible, more independent, more capable.

I was 80s and my parents never took me to all the fun activities I take DD. They did take me to wacky warehouse and then leave to have some drinks.

I always feel with this that we try to fix the imperfections of the generations before. People from a time when kids were beaten, generally don't hit their kids. That's why kids are more boisterous around my age and younger. All my friends are stricter than their parents to fix that. My parents didn't do much with me, I will do loads with mine.

Maybe I've not explained it well but you know what I mean

Do the parents of adults in their twenties really phone their children's bosses.

That is seriously fucked up thinking.

I agree. I am 54 and, while we had the advantages of playing out from morning till night, more freedom and independence, etc, a lot of it was because our parents had better things to do than spend time with us. A day out as a family was a treat, not a regular thing.
My parents were very much a couple and, although they loved us and brought us up well, they always put each other first.

DH and I have done a lot more with our children (now in their 20s) than our parents did with us. I do think some of the child-centeredness is going too far now though. There are some parents who expect everything to bend to their child and I dread to think how that will work when those children become teenagers and young adults and find that the rest of the world won't comply

I was born in '73. I was lucky - I had a rural childhood with lots of time outside and freedom to explore. I was obsessed with horses (still am!) and spent every spare minute at the stables. Having said all that I do think OP has a point about a lot of peoples 70's childhoods.

I think couples should put each other first, you are a couple before the children come along and hopefully will still be after they have grown up and left home.

Creamy I don't agree really. some couples are so much lovers that they have no time or room for kids.

I was at school with a girl whose parents were always necking and treated her like an outsider to their couples love.

it was sad to see even as a child.

for us it's dh and me and the kids all in it together.

On the plus side (I'm ten years behind you, but this is true of me too) we're the last generation with subsidised higher education and a genuine ability to get on the housing ladder without our parents contributing...

to add my older kids are in their 20s and I have never contacted their bosses.

I've really enjoyed reading the responses.

Yes, I do think that to some degree we're trying to "fix" the imperfections of the generation before, that's a really good description.

Agree also that perhaps the child-centric emphasis has gone too far. And yes, some parents do phone their DCs bosses and complain and bitch and moan, it happened in a business I worked in about 10 years ago when we took on an apprentice. The boy was lazy and entitled and my boss threatened to sack him if he didn't buck his ideas up, next day we had a raging Dad at the door, utterly ridiculous.

I'm 46 and my parents did a huge amount of things for me and with me. Both DSis and I were heavily into a sport and our patents would spend whole weekends driving us to and from competitions. I do the same for my dc.

blanched how ridiculous but obviously it's easy to see who made the lad lazy and entitled. stupid parents.

Ludways, what I really like about your post is that you're not trying to 'fix' your parents' errors: you feel they did things right, so do the same as parents yourselves :)

Mind you, that same principle leads to abuse propagating down the generations, so maybe I should stress it's a good idea to try & fix things that went wrong ...

My kids are having a pretty similar childhood to mine TBH, except they certainly have better gadgets.

But a bit of boredom is a good thing IMO, they get creative when they are bored.

DS1 is out most weekends on his bike with his friends, they spent yesterday afternoon (Sunday) building lego cars to roll down the driveway.

We used to play cricket in the street and the lucky buggers have a cricket pitch instead, but it is the same thing, random kids get together, some dads think that looks like fun etc...

We do things pretty much the same way our parents did, why not? We turned out good.

I live in a very boring place indeed, I feel very blessed.

I was a child in the late 50s early 60s. Children then were not expected to have any opinions or rights. When my parents divorced it was scandalous! I was singled out at primary school as if I had personally committed a crime and other children were not encouraged to be my friends. No one in the family spoke to me about the divorce, other than to criticise my parents in my hearing.
How things have changed! Hopefully, mostly for the better. This experience made me a strong independent person. X

YANBU. My Dh (born 1969 and an only child) from a very young age got locked out of the house all day on Saturdays while his parents went out; they left him without food or money and were not to be found when he chopped his fingers off on a building site.
Then he had to sit or sleep in the car all evening on his own outside a pub. On Sunday lunchtime he was outside the pub again before an evening of being silent while they watched the TV.

I was born in the 70s and the focus was always on adults and their needs, we got hit often and being dragged food shopping was the highlight of the weekend. Freedom to go off on bikes all day led to some horrible situations I would rather forget.

I often look at my children and feel very pleased that their childhoods are nothing like that, but yes, my needs are nowhere.

I was born in 68 and despite difficult circumstances and lack of money, had a really happy childhood. We were very much left to our own devices though - few cars on the road so we just spent most time outside. We knew all the neighbours and lived in terror of upsetting anyone. We got the odd smack but were never beaten. We used to go of blackberry picking/camp building at the weekends - though I also remember the sheer horror of a rainy Sunday where Batman was the only thing on. The day used to drag for ever We had few days out and fewer holidays. The sun always shone all summer.

I admit to getting a bit cross with dd when she says she is bored. She has so many things laid on for her compared to my youth. And there is wall to wall kids tv, internet etc. We do a lot more as a family and she has play dates and parties and sleepovers and holidays. I feel a bit mean saying - go and read or book or something! But on the other hand we now live in a city surrounded by major roads - I don't let her wander like I used to. I like to know where she is. It makes me feel a bit sad really.

I recognise the boredom on a Sunday - especially as a teenager. But we also had lots of freedom. I remember playing out all day and sleeping over at friends. My parents saw themselves as hippies, so I was never hit, but they were very strict with us.

I went to a very traditional primary school where we did get homework from reception - this was in the early 70's. But at 5 all the kids could read and write fairly well. They also had corporal punishment. It amazes me now that kids as young as 5 could be hit with a slipper.

We did do things as a family, but they were much more low key than the equivalent now. So a highlight would be going to a Wimpy for a knickbocker glory, or an Italian ice cream parlour. I do remember a lot of being dragged round shops while my mum bought stuff for the house.

I think generally expectations were lower then for everyone. We went to Butlins on holiday a few times, and you would never get presented as entertainment now, what was acceptable then. We were much more easily pleased. And I remenber the wake up calls through the tannoy for breakfast.

Weekends were a coma of boredom.

How true. I'm a teeny bit older than you, OP, and my memories of being bored as a child/teen still make me shudder. I don't have halcyon memories of being allowed to play out from dawn till dusk in my 70s childhood - but I can well remember sitting in the front room watching the test card on the BBC in the mornings and humming along to the Arrival of the Queen of Sheba or whatever that tune they used to play is called, for sheer lack of anything else to do. The absolute highlight of my weekend when I was in the top juniors was buying comics on the way home from school on Friday afternoon - Jinty for my sister, Sandie for me. By Sunday afternoon I would be on the thousandth re-read of them. And I can remember literally crying with boredom one Easter weekend - four consecutive days of weekend with nothing to enliven them. Good old days indeed. On the plus side, Timeslip was on the telly. Best programme ever.

I'm 43 and my childhood was happy. The weekends that I just stayed at home were fine, and that taught me self sufficiency (only child). As a pp said, you chose to put your lives on hold for your DC which is great but I don't honestly think there is any harm in letting children learn to entertain themselves. It is a very useful skill to have as they get older.

And the most important thing was that my parents loved me - they were strict but I have always had a good relationship with them. Otoh, a relative of mine (same age) who was spoilt and indulged has spoilt and indulged her DD but has gone too far with it - the child is very spoilt and rude, even to adults, so I know which I would prefer.

I was born in 1968 and think I had a much more freedom. My parents had no idea where my brother and I were most of the time. We entertained ourselves and were independant. Children were better behaved, more respectful and less indulged.

My mum talks very fondly of her childhood (born in 1970)... meanwhile I'd say my generation (I'm 19) aren't getting a fantastic deal... could be worse but could be a hell of a lot better.