to be upset, I got nothing for Mothers day?

[whiteblossom]

We have an eight yr old and Im 17 weeks pregnant. (so this could well be hormones!)

My ds made me a card at school and put together some lego for me- very sweet but my issue is with DH.

This is the first time he has got me nothing, he knows its mothers day. dh made a comment about getting me breakfast in bed about an hour and a half after I had gotten up (he slept in). No card/flowers/chocs.

I feel like he doesn't care about the effort I make as a mother or a wife as if he has no respect?

AIBU? He's asking whats wrong and I don't want to start an argument.

EverythingCounts - I expect them to grow up as decent human beings, that's all. I would never expect them to feel compelled to mark a day that has no importance or relevance to them and then sulk when they don't. If they still want my company when they are older, then brilliant, but I certainly don't expect them to do anything for me that they don't want to do. I did not have my DDs to give me presents and make me feel worthy - my job does that. I had them because I wanted children and it was a fucking miracle that I got pregnant once, let alone twice, so, actually I am more grateful for them being born - than I would ever expect them to be for being born.

Yanbu! No lie in on Mother's Day??

I'd do just what he's done for you for Father's Day, and see how he likes them apples.
Hugs, op.

zeezeek spot on post re this nonsense. Please accept these (non mothers' day) flowers

Caitlin17 - thank you!!

In all fairness to the op's DH afair around 8/9 is the age that they start telling dad they don't need any help because they have it all sorted.

It's quite sweet really they get all excited about the things they have made for you but are not really old enough to think of the let mum put her feet up stuff.

Be glad you didn't get a cup of tea made from the tepid dishwater because that usually happens at about the same age.

DS made me a card at nursery which was given to DH to hide for mother's day.

DH forgot where it was, forgot it was mother's day, lay in bed til midday and blew up at me when I eventually asked where my card was. (hungover)

I don't care about big gestures but this was the first time ever that my son had made me something and I practically had to beg to be given it.

Let's just say there won't be a father's day in this house

Maybe they should just do away with all these days and be done with it. Then none of us need do without?

I'm not a mother but I really agree with Westie and others re this I don't really understand this whole 'but you're not DH's mother' stance either. You are the mother of his children and that should mean something

My dad always made sure my DSis and I had a present and card organized it was a fun outing for us, especially when we were little but he also always did something nice of his own to thank my mother for being a good mother to their children. It seems really really normal to me to do that, and it's not a ton of effort to e.g., get your wife some flowers and make Sunday brunch arrangements for the family. Of my friends who are mothers, their husbands seem to also make an effort. But obviously customs vary and we're in the US.

I got nothing from my DD (9) because my ExH didn't bother to organise anything from her. A card would have been nice

It was Mothers Day?

Oh bugger.

So what did he get last father's day? A big lie in, special dinner and loads of gifts? We all want to feel valued, but you didn't get nothing - you got token gift and a card from your child. The bigger question is this - does he ever get you things? Does he generally show appreciation and love? If so, YABU. If he never gets you much on any occasion and this is in fact part of a wider appreciation and support issue, then your position would be much more understandable.

It's really shit when Dads don't step up to help when the kids are too young. YANBU in the slightest.

Don't get me wrong, it's lovely when you get spoilt on MD.

Yesterday, my brother went to put some flowers on his mothers grave, he's 16. He then sobbed like a baby and he wanted his mum.

Just a different perspective, you're here with your family. Why one day to show how much you all love each other?

Maybe it comes down to how appreciated we feel all year round? (Including on MD itself).

I went to a Tesco Express on Saturday afternoon and felt depressed at the sight of people scrabbling around for the dregs of the cards and bunches of flowers. To me, that does not constitute effort at all.

My children made cards at school/Brownies. Lovely.
OH took them to a pottery painting cafe to paint photo frames for me, and they each chose a photo of us together to go in the frames. That was priceless. The DCs are too young to do something like that themselves, so I really appreciate OH orchestrating it. I don't expect presents on MD, but I was delighted to receive them. For the record, we make a fuss of him on FD too.

But overall, we show our appreciation for each other all year round. We complement each other on our respective parenting skills. OH enthuses about the meals I cook; he notices when I've cleaned the house; he thanks me for ironing uniforms and making packed lunches. I appreciate his efforts in doing practical jobs around the house and I thank him for working hard and earning money for the family. We appreciate the emotional support we give each other.

If none of that was happening, then I don't think a bunch of flowers and a gift once a year would count for much.

But I wonder if those who get most upset about lack of effort on MD are those who never feel/are told they are valued.

I have to say that, although I am not yet one myself, I do understand mothers who don't feel appreciated in mother's day. I just wonder if it occurs to them on this one day a year that they feel unappreciated all throughout the year?

I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful mother and in our family, my sister and I do little things throughout the year to show her we love her, appreciate her and recognise the sacrifices she made. So, for us, mother's day is 'only' a card and a meal where we spend time together because in our busy fast paced lives of; university, work, caring for elderly relatives etc, we don't get that time as often as we would like. I genuinely feel surprised when people are sad they didn't get more material things but when I reflect, perhaps they're really saying they want more time, love, appreciation, recognition.

I feel sorry for the mums that feel unappreciated, but I don't think that is about a card or a day.

I don't care much about Mother's Day at all, because I honestly feel my children love me and mostly appreciate me all the time. I don't care much about Mother's Day cooking because my husband often cooks on Sunday or gets a cheapy Bargain Bucket of KFC if we are out on Sun morning. I stay in bed or have a nap most Sundays.

I think for many people, the lack of effort just symbolises their wider unappreciation which is a shame.

I don't think I'm less appreciated than anyone else in the house, and that affects how much I care about a card- plus home-made ones or ones with a handwritten message from the kids are the best anyway.

Perhaps more controversially, I am not very martyrish and tend to spell out my needs- I don't feel like cooking today, I need a rest, can you take the kids out, whatever. I might even seem selfish compared with some of the mums on here- but I think you have to ask for what you want, and if the balance is wrong and you are doing twice as much as everyone else, let them know and let them do more.

I got lovely presents from my dc x 3, however dsd, who stays every weekend, fri to sun, did not even speak to me all weekend, despite me buying her DM gift for her, she posted a slushy FB message on how wonderful her DM is, fair enough, but she never even gave me bliddy eye contact !