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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset, I got nothing for Mothers day?

142 replies

whiteblossom · 30/03/2014 15:31

We have an eight yr old and Im 17 weeks pregnant. (so this could well be hormones!)

My ds made me a card at school and put together some lego for me- very sweet but my issue is with DH.

This is the first time he has got me nothing, he knows its mothers day. dh made a comment about getting me breakfast in bed about an hour and a half after I had gotten up (he slept in). No card/flowers/chocs.

I feel like he doesn't care about the effort I make as a mother or a wife as if he has no respect?

AIBU? He's asking whats wrong and I don't want to start an argument.

OP posts:
andsmile · 30/03/2014 17:12

joules yes I do expect to be valued because I value my role.

Do you not expect anything, just flap along like a doormat then.

Owllady · 30/03/2014 17:17

I agree with andsmile!
Mine have done stuff though, not ott but I have felt thought of

I really think it's unhelpful that people come and put their own grief on an innocuous thread. I have given birth to a baby that nearly died and is now severely disabled, I have had miscarriages, I have had to bury my little sister. I still like to be appreciated by people I look after, because I do a good job of it :)

GlaikitFizzog · 30/03/2014 17:17

Op, I had a similar thread on here last year. My arse is still hot from the flaming I got.

Please don't take to heart the comments here that make you sad. You have every right to feel upset. You said this is the first time dh hasn't done anything, so you had a right to expect him to organise you 8yo a bunch of daffs and a box of chocs.

Be kind to yourself and hide the thread. No good will come of you continuing to read as the bickering and infighting will get worse (I had my thread deleted because of the bitchiness and attacks from people).

Nip to the shop, grab yourself some reduced chocs, run yourself a bath and tell dh he needs to sort 8yo for tomorrow.

Flowers
WestieMamma · 30/03/2014 17:19

I don't really understand this whole 'but you're not DH's mother' stance either. You are the mother of his children and that should mean something.

That said, my DH hasn't done anything extra either and DS is only 11 months so can't do anything himself. But this doesn't bother me at all because he does all the mother's day stuff all year round. It makes me quite sad to think that some people only get to feel appreciated (or not) on one day of the year. To my mind, flowers, chocolates, doing the early shift with the baby means more when it's done because he wants to rather than because he's supposed to.

andsmile · 30/03/2014 17:19

I second glait I'm having afternoon vino! Hope you feel better soon.

GwennieF · 30/03/2014 17:22

There are some people here being very hard on the poor OP! Yes, her DP is not obliged to get her anything but he has done for the last 8 years so its not unreasonable for her to expect him to do it this year.
And of course there are people who for various reasons don't enjoy Mother's Day but there are always people less fortunate than us, doesn't mean we can't feel a little underappreciated in our own situations.

Owllady · 30/03/2014 17:23

I buy my mil's mother's day present these days because he has forgotten do many times and I don't like it. She phones to thank ME though
She knows it's me
I would hate for her to be upset, so buy her something. She is still my mil and my children's grandmother
It's called being thoughtful. It's kind and its nice.

Though if you can't give with a will in your heart, you may as well not bother really. Is my polar views on the matter

Happy mothers day

LEMmingaround · 30/03/2014 17:26

I was in tesco yesterday all of us like sheep buying fecking tat for our mothers . Husbands the same. Thankfully I got a candle rather than another pink teddy but tbh I resent it all. £6 was our spend on cards yesterday. Total waste of money. Who really wants breakfast in bed?

Owllady · 30/03/2014 17:27

Me!

andsmile · 30/03/2014 17:27

Me I want breakfast in bed. But you can keep pink teddies.

mrsjay · 30/03/2014 17:27

maybe he saw your son made you a card and then thought oh thats lovely and left it at that, I get you are upset yanbu but as your son is 8 he did give you a card I know you would have preferred a bit more effot and thought but your son did put some effort in

LEMmingaround · 30/03/2014 17:29

No fuck that . crumbs in the bed uncomfortable

Owllady · 30/03/2014 17:32

You can eat it on their side if the bed if they didn't make it
Ditto any stray Lego, their side of bed

firstchoice · 30/03/2014 17:41

It's hard. It's such a silly 'build up' these days. It's easy to feel 'let down'

I didn't even get a card. The 'lego' is the minecraft they are playing, and its not for me.
I am cooking dinner. The exhaust fell off my car. I am having root canal treatment tomorrow and I'm phobic about dentists. The rabbit is poorly and my bank account cant take a trip to the vets (tho it will have to).

Life can be pants. Treasure your card.

(((()))))) - have some un-mumsnetty-hugs. x.

Caitlin17 · 30/03/2014 17:45

YABU. Why do mothers require this validation of what a wonderful job they are doing on a random day which in the UK happens to be today?

And yes I am a mother. Have never seen the point of it and nor did my mother and nor does my mil.

Owllady · 30/03/2014 17:47

Well that's fine isn't it Caitlin, too?
Why so bossy

Joules68 · 30/03/2014 17:48

Op got a card .... She didn't get 'nothing'

I'd be happy with just that! I don't 'flap' along andsmile but I'm no ungrateful whinger. I'm a lone parent to 5 dc. I got something individual from each dc.... Some cost money, some didn't cost a penny

You reap what you sow.....

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 30/03/2014 17:53

What did you want? And who from?

I thought you said you got a card from ds. Made at school ? Why would flowers be more VIP from dh than that?

We help our dds celebrate the days but in their ways. So if ds didn't say I'd like to get mum flowers maybe he just didn't think to take him out?

Whilst I get what you mean. You also need to count your blessings. You're in a position many envy.

joybee · 30/03/2014 17:53

My husband isn't very good with fancy gestures. But he is good man. I've learned if I want a fuss making to let him know. I asked for breakfast in bed and flowers. He took the kids out and got me cards, flowers and chocolates. And helped them make me breakfast in bed. It's not romantic I guess but I'm happy Smile. Sounds like you need to spell out what you would like next year.

Bowlersarm · 30/03/2014 17:57

YANBU. At all.

It's unrealistic for an 8 year old to go out, chose and buy a present, so would have been nice for your husband to put a little thought into it.

Don't bother with Father's Day if that's what he feels about it.

firstchoice · 30/03/2014 17:59

"you reap what you sow"

Well, that's cheered me right up Grin

candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/03/2014 18:00

YABU to say you got nothing. You got something loving and thoughtful from your son. That is love, not commercial Mother's Day crap, it was from the heart.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2014 18:16

Bowlers the OP got a present

One that her child made for her, along with a card.

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 30/03/2014 18:21

My four month old got me flowers, courtesy of grandma.... Dp took note, I am sure he will organise it next year! He has promised me a big curry for dinner which I think would make an excellent tradition.

Thinking about it though, I wonder if there is more to this than md upset...op is your other half appreciative of you at other times, could it be that his failure to show his admiration and respect for you had just come to a head today?

OwlCapone · 30/03/2014 18:23

OP I knewthis thread woud be full of people with cats bum faces telling you that you are ungrateful

Yawn. It's simply full of people who disagree. It is really rather dull when people claim that those who disagree with them are "cats bum"

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