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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset, I got nothing for Mothers day?

142 replies

whiteblossom · 30/03/2014 15:31

We have an eight yr old and Im 17 weeks pregnant. (so this could well be hormones!)

My ds made me a card at school and put together some lego for me- very sweet but my issue is with DH.

This is the first time he has got me nothing, he knows its mothers day. dh made a comment about getting me breakfast in bed about an hour and a half after I had gotten up (he slept in). No card/flowers/chocs.

I feel like he doesn't care about the effort I make as a mother or a wife as if he has no respect?

AIBU? He's asking whats wrong and I don't want to start an argument.

OP posts:
LouiseAderyn · 30/03/2014 16:19

If he has always made an effort to acknowledge Mother's Day and this year he hasn't, then yes, I think it is worth asking him about it.

I also think he should have got up and let you lie in and ought to have made it a nice day for you, rather than more of the same.

I never understand these threads where posters pile in and say 'you are not his mum' - you are the mother of his children and as such he should help them to make the day special for you.

I hope you treat Father's Day with the same level of attention he has shown you today.

gordyslovesheep · 30/03/2014 16:20

I don't even have my kids with me - but they left me three cards with lovely messages and that is enough

Fakebook · 30/03/2014 16:21

Neither did I! But I got a beautiful card made by my 2 year old at nursery through the post yesterday and a beautiful card from my 6 year old. My DH and I both don't have mothers so its not exactly a joyous day for us both. I'm happy that our children have a Mum, unlike their parents.

Original poster
whiteblossom · 30/03/2014 16:33

This has nothing to do with my ds. My dh has always made an effort previously and yet today nothing...

I would always make an effort for dh on fathers day because he is a great dad, not MY dad but our ds dad and would want him to feel appreciated. Its about my dh showing his appreciation for my efforts as a mother to his children.

It seams I am in a minority here on that though. Im now too tired to care (blame pg hormones again). Though he can go whistle next fathers day. thanks for the feedback.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/03/2014 16:36

But again, he should be happy with a card and/or gift from his child on Father's Day.

Perhaps you should both make a pact to stop getting involved on these days?

If you think each other is a great parent and you appreciate each other, make sure you tell each other this on normal days.

Personally I find that much more sincere.

comicsansisevil · 30/03/2014 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joules68 · 30/03/2014 16:39

This is horrible.... All this angst over presents. Not just this thread but there have been loads today. It's horrible to see this grabbyness. I wonder if it's competitive..... Facebook/school gate bragging material

BitOutOfPractice · 30/03/2014 16:41

OP I knewthis thread woud be full of people with cats bum faces telling you that you are ungrateful, that your DH is not your child, that it's a load of materialistic crap and you have no right NO RIGHT to feel upset

Well I for one think that's a pile of crap and I think YANBU at all

I have been where you are and it bloody hurts. I was really really upset that nobody had stopped and thought that I might like a token of appreviation. A card. A hug. And, hell yes, a little gift. To show that I had been thought of.

I don't care if anyone else thought I was materialistic. I don't care if anyone else thought I was an ungrateful bitch. It was how I felt. And it was how you feel. And I for one spent ten year in a marriage where I was constantly told how I felt was "stupid" and it sucks.

So if that's how you feel OP, it's how you feel and I for one think it's not unreasonable.

Why not have a quiet word with your DH (try and stay calm - I know it's hard when you feel emotional) and tell him how you feel and suggest you all go out for a bite to eat / walk / drink / something else nice to round the day off.

I hope it improves for you and happy Mother's Day from me x

MaxsMummy2012 · 30/03/2014 16:46

But...your original post mentioned nothing about being shown that you are appreciated and only that you didn't receive any presents from your hubby
This is the first time he has got me nothing
No card/flowers/chocs

Buying presents doesn't mean someone has made an effort and in actual fact I'd say buying some flowers or chocs takes very little effort.

YABU to expect presents and this post does really have everything to do with your son because of your thread title to be upset, I got nothing for Mothers day? you did receive things for mothers day!

Maybe a better title would have been 'my husband doesn't appreciate my efforts as a mother' - you may have got a different response from a different title.

andsmile · 30/03/2014 16:47

Yanbu.

Stop with the mothers day not wives day tripe.

As adults I think we should show and guide young children how we can say thanks and show appreciation for what others do for us.

MaxsMummy2012 · 30/03/2014 16:48

BitOutOfPractice she was given both a card and a token gift (a lego model) from her 8 year old child so why should she expect more from her husband?

Joules68 · 30/03/2014 16:49

An adult DID guide him! Op got a card... And some lego creation. How sweet!

TantrumsAndBalloons · 30/03/2014 16:49

Why would any one expect their DH to buy them a Mother's Day present?

You have an 8 year child. Who made you a card.

ExcuseTypos · 30/03/2014 16:49

Well if your H usually makes an effort to do something, I think you are entitled to be a bit peed off that this year he hasn't.

Let him make dinner, tell him you're putting your feet up for the rest of the day.

andsmile · 30/03/2014 16:50

Plus as a mother some of the jobs I do are for the benefit of the whole family, likewise oth DH so I expect this to be valued and acknowledged.

Joules68 · 30/03/2014 16:52

You 'expect' it??

andsmile · 30/03/2014 16:52

MOOOOOOORE, MORE, you dared to expect more OP. Grin

I've had my own blow over MD earlier so I'm with you OP.

justasmallone · 30/03/2014 16:54

Yanbu. Flowers and a card less than a fiver in Tesco.

GwennieF · 30/03/2014 16:58

I wouldn't be bothered by not getting a present but not getting a lie-in....... I would NOT be happy with that!

BitOutOfPractice · 30/03/2014 16:58

Because she did Maxs. That's what she wants, hopes for and expects. If that doesn't match exactly your wants, hopes and expectations, so what? You do your thing, and OP does hers. Nobody gets hurt.

All this holier than thou crap that gets trotted out every MD on MN makes me laugh. Like we are a bunch of materialistic money grabbing bitches who don't know the true meaning of a mothers love just because we'd like a cup of tea in bed and box of chocolates! Hmm

The OP is hurt and disappointed. It is perfectly valid for her to feel whatever she likes about it.

Clearly she's not expecting a wife present. She expected her DH to do a bit more to help her DS get her something. He didn't. She feels let down. IT's not hard to understand surely?

Shewonthelpherself · 30/03/2014 16:59

I'm irrationally angry to the point I would like to shoot my dh - I've had literally nothing - at all - from any of my 4 children from 1 - 18.

We don't do cards and presents usually but after Christmas I felt a bit :( that I had nothing - and said I didn't want it any more and I would like days marked.

I'd have been happy with a hand print on a card and I'm feeling murderous it didn't happen.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/03/2014 17:03

Oh no she I'm sorry to hear that. No wonder you're fuming.

MaxsMummy2012 · 30/03/2014 17:04

Like we are a bunch of materialistic money grabbing bitches who don't know the true meaning of a mothers love

Well if the shoe fits.

I think ... given there are people out there who are struggling to conceive, who have lost their babies or who have lost their mothers that actually it's not 'holier than thou crap' and she should be f*cking grateful for the fact she has a lovely son who did acknowledge her efforts as his mother and that she is lucky enough to have another baby on the way and that a box of chocolates from someone who is not her child doesn't actually show any effort or appreciation for the 'job' shes does anyway, it just screams of materialistic greed.

Chocoholism · 30/03/2014 17:06

I don't think YABU as your pregnant! I was much more unreasonable when I was pregnant! Don't worry that everyone says you are BU as it's your family, and it's how you feel. I think main thing is to not let it be a problem or an issue as In the big scheme of things it really isn't that big a deal. Happy Mother's Day!!

BitOutOfPractice · 30/03/2014 17:07

You have got no idea of my circumstances Maxs, or of the OPs. Nor have I of yours.

Which is why I said, repeatedly, that it is OK for the OP to feel however she damn well bloody likes about MD without being told that she's grabby and ungrateful and just plain wrong to feel how she does.