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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy condoms for ds(15)?

145 replies

Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:01

I hope not as I have already done so, although he doesn't know it yet as he's not home yet. He is 15, 16 in sept, he's gay and so this is more a health issue and obv not a pregancy issue.

I suspect he is sexually active and whilst I am very open with him there is obv stuff he doesn't want me to know and fair enough.

I've talked to him in the recent past about how all types of sex is sex and he must use condoms at all times (and his partner) to keep himself safe.

So I have bought a packet and out them on his bed with a letter as I know he would be mortified if I try and discuss it with him again, saying basically that I understand at his age that whilst he might not be sexually active now he might be soon and although as his mother I shan't be encouraging him to have sex I understand it will happen and when it does I want him to have happy, fun , healthy, safe and consensual sex. I think I've done the right thing but now I'm panicking a bit that I've been stupid. I haven't have I???? Part if me thinks if he's old enough to have sex then he's old enough to buy xondoms but then again he's still a child. But I think he's doing it anyway. Without condoms. Which bothers me more! Argh aibu? He's gonna be home soon and now I'm wondering whether to move them???

OP posts:
Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:24

I don't think he will be embarrassed, he knows what I'm like and I've discussed it with him before like I said. What clinic gives them away then? I am utterly clueless about contraception as in where they go for it etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:29

Ok maybe I'll move the letter. I just thought it might actually go in if he read it rather than inching out the door to get away from me talking to him! I guess it was a bit of a moral dilemma really given his age and the fact he's my baaaaaaby

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MiddleEarthBarbie · 28/03/2014 17:29

I think you are being very sensible and helping him out, but if you don't know where to go, he won't either! You can't always buy them for him.

Maybe you should find directions or whatever and leave them with the box?

Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:34

But where should he get them then if he doesn't want to spend £10 on a box? Helllllllp me! Is it family planning clinic? Or somewhere else?

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watchingout · 28/03/2014 17:34

My DD gets them from a clinic for free but I don't know where it is Blush they talk about it with mates and tend to sort themselves out. Saying that I bought some for DS and was shocked at the price. I just handed them over with his other shopping - shower gel, deodorant etc

GreatUncleEddie · 28/03/2014 17:35

I know I'm showing my ignorance here. But do all gay guys have penetrative sex? I thought it was a choice, some did, some didn't? (Also, if they are having anal sex, do they need stronger than standard condoms?)

MiddleEarthBarbie · 28/03/2014 17:37

Student unions and family planning clinics.

Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:40

No idea Eddie, I guess it's same as heterosexual people, I'm hoping they can be used for all types

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Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:42

Thanks middleearth

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thebody · 28/03/2014 17:43

we kept condoms in a box on the top shelf of the loo when our older lads were teens.

I took dd 15 to see the GP last week to chat about contraceptive options and we settled on the pill as this will also help her periods.

the GP complimented us on our close and sensible relationship.

you are being a good mum op.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 28/03/2014 17:43

YADNBU and you sound lovely.

MeepMeepVroooom · 28/03/2014 17:45

I think it's pretty responsible of you. I wish my mum had done that. I had a fair bit of unprotected sex in my teens because I was too embarrassed to buy condoms (seems bloody ridiculous now)

But as others have said don't expect eye contact this weekend Grin

Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:46

Thank you so much. This would never have happened when I was young, my parents were oblivious to any sexuality and we never discussed it at all. Ever. I ended up having lots of dubious sexual encounters as a teen poss not helped by this and I want different for my kids Smile

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MeepMeepVroooom · 28/03/2014 17:47

A fair bit with one person. Not multiple people. Just realised how that made me sound.

Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:49

It sounded like you enjoyed yourself meep Grin and why not eh? That's kind of the point of it!

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MeepMeepVroooom · 28/03/2014 17:51

Ha I did indeed but only unprotected with that one. By the time we split up I was able to actually buy condoms without hiding under a hat and going beetroot.

It's insane how embarrassing I found.

coffetofunction · 28/03/2014 17:52

What a fantastic mum!! I wish my mum had been so understanding & hope I can be...Thanks

Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 17:53

Yes I found it utterly embarrassing too. I even found it a bit embarrassing today and it was only lessened by the fact it was in with the rest of my shopping!

OP posts:
Solo · 28/03/2014 17:58

Not read full thread.
Does he not have a C card? I thought all schools provided teens with a C card to enable them to collect free condoms.

MunchMunch · 28/03/2014 17:58

My gp surgery had free condoms in a white paper bag you just have to ask the receptionist for them. There seemed to be quite a few in iirc (I saw a woman ask for and being handed them once) I used to get mine from the family planning clinic.

My ds1 is 14 and I'm dreading when this comes up, he goes to an all boys school and only recently started mingling with girls again, so like you, if its going to happen I want him to be safe but I don't want to encourage him.

MeepMeepVroooom · 28/03/2014 18:03

Haha yes Ken I only ever buy them with shopping too. I'm not sure I could walk into a chemist or supermarket and just buy condoms Confused I'm 25!! I may do the condom test tomorrow and see if I can do it without reverting back to a blushing teenager Grin

I actually remember buying my pregnancy test at 22 and flashing my wedding ring so the woman behind the counter knew I was married. Ok apparently I am still 15 haha.

Original poster
Kenworthington · 28/03/2014 18:03

That's interesting about the gp clinic having them. I will check out this c card thing. I've never heard of it! Ds goes to a very very small private school so I can't imagine it being something they'd promote tbh Hmm

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WilsonFrickett · 28/03/2014 18:05

Hopefully his mortification with his mother buying condoms will put him off sex for another couple of months! Bonus Grin

I'm only joking op, I think it's a good thing to do and you should definitely get him signed up for the C card because then they're free.

thebody · 28/03/2014 18:09

my dm would have fainted rather than discuss contraception. she happily informed me and dsis that she was a virgin in her wedding day! boak!!

I can remember thinking 'more fool you then' aged 14. Grin

never wanted that embarrassed crap for my kids.

ICanSeeTheSun · 28/03/2014 18:11

I don't want to put a downer on this thread because you sound like a fantastic mother who is supportive and accepting your ds is growing into a young man.

However I think it would be better to encourage him to get his own, if someone is mature enough to have sex they are mature enough to get them.