Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

336 replies

TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 19:38

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

OP posts:
Original poster
TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 20:35

No I don't accept that I was rude. They should not have spoken so loudly, and so obviously about my children.

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 27/03/2014 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

behindthetimes · 27/03/2014 20:36

I think you did well to challenge it in such a way that you ended up having a nice conversation about it with them. Perhaps on another day you wouldn't have said anything, sometimes these things just get the better of you, but it might also make them more aware of judging a situation on how it first appears.

FreudiansSlipper · 27/03/2014 20:36

you found a common ground - that you thought what your children were doing was antisocial

so they hit a raw nerve, you were not standing up for yourself you had someone disagree with you when you yourself do not seem to agree with what you were allowing your children to do in the first place

i think you are taking it all far too personally

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 20:38

If you don't accept you were rude, why have you come on AIBU? You were rude. They made a remark that you overheard, it might not even have been directed at you. You sized them up and probably thought they wouldn't argue back so you went over to them and interrupted their meal to boast about how fabulous your DCs are and how brilliant your parenting is.

Like I say, if you'd done this to my Mum and Dad when they were alive, I'd have a few choice words for you.

GreenLandsOfHome · 27/03/2014 20:39

Ywbu and very rude.

I would not have been so polite if it had me DH and me you approached.

NewtRipley · 27/03/2014 20:40

Buckteeth

That is an amazing pushchair. Like your baby is being swallowed by a friendly Yeti Grin

Original poster
TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 20:40

Actually I think I was standing up for myself. I was trying to make the point that I was raising the next generation well so bugger off and stop judging me on a snapshot of 15 minutes.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 27/03/2014 20:40

I think the OP was a little rude, but the other diners were ruder.

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 20:41

Hmmm... if you think you're doing such a great job, why do you need to explain or seek the approval of 2 random strangers in a restaurant?

brokenhearted55a · 27/03/2014 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewtRipley · 27/03/2014 20:41

blanche

60s is not that old. Adults should take responsibility for their behaviour. Not be all PA and then not expect for people to be assertive back to them

Original poster
TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 20:42

I wasn't rude. Doesn't mean I don't wonder if I would do the same again or if it would be better to let it wash over me (for my sake as much as their's, ie not to get worked up about it).

OP posts:
maddening · 27/03/2014 20:42

if they were having a private conversation and it wasn't said with any intention of you hearing it then you were rude - we all judge everything - good bad and indifferent - everyone is entitled to their opinions right or wrong - but to judge someone and purposefully act on that judgement (eg PA commenting) is rude but you say that isn't the case here so you were rude to interrupt their meal to challenge them in their private conversation. It isn't unusual for debates and conversations to spark up following an incident or observation which is what happened here by your own account.

Original poster
TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 20:43

Seriously?! Doubted my sanity? Bragged about my children? Are those saying that completely insecure about their own kids?! That wasn't what it was about you see. I was trying to explain the balance they had had that day and how they were having some downtime before they put their Kindles away and we chatted over our dinner!!

OP posts:
Thetallesttower · 27/03/2014 20:43

I disagree, this is rude, I don't think I've ever approached another set of diners to comment on their conversation ever except for nice things, or to exchange a pleasantry if getting in and out. You seem to be looking for trouble except only with nice older people who are too polite to tell you to get lost

FreudiansSlipper · 27/03/2014 20:44

if your children have got to this age and you have never had anyone pass comment on your parenting either

a) you were so busy dealing with them you did not notice
b) you are hard of hearing and have bad eyesight

people pass comment all the time on mothers (fathers tend to get praise) not everyone will think you are doing the best for your children all the time and sometimes shock horror you may not be doing the best, but the best you can at that point in time (or want to)

JeanSeberg · 27/03/2014 20:44

Lol at the (not so) stealth boast 'one-hour language tuition'. Was it Serbo-Croat or one of the Finno-Ugric group perchance? Wink

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 20:45

Newt. I still bet the OP wouldn't have approached someone she thought would give her a pasting. :)

Only1scoop · 27/03/2014 20:45
Grin
NewtRipley · 27/03/2014 20:45

blandhe

True. I do think the whole PA thing is a bit generational and annoying.

brokenhearted55a · 27/03/2014 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 20:46

Oh you are so wrong there blanche. That had nothing to do with it. I can give as good as I get.

Actually it was Chinese. Make of that what you will.

OP posts:
blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 20:47

JeanSebeg Yeah, the stealth boast had me snickering as well.

And OP, if you were secure about your parenting you wouldn't give a flying fuck what these people thought, just saying.

kungfupannda · 27/03/2014 20:47

I think you were very OTT. It was a passing comment, possibly not even directly about your children, but simply part of a conversation kicked off by seeing them.

If they had spoken loudly about me, and it was rude enough for me to be annoyed, I'd probably have just turned round and raised my eyebrows so they knew I'd heard them, and left it at that.

I find it quite effective, especially if coupled with a faintly amused smile.

But I think I'd struggle to get worked up about a comment about the lost art of conversation. In general terms, they do have a point - you do see lots of people sitting around tables all playing on gadgets rather than talking. A lot of people do seem to struggle not to be on their phones all the time. I don't think it was particularly vital that two complete strangers, who you'll never see again, were appraised of your particular circumstances, and why your children didn't fit with a general view they'd formed.