To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

[TotesAmazebelle]

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

Buckteeth it's my first post on MN. I genuinely have been umming and ahhing over whether I did the right thing or now, and wondering if I would do it again in the same circs.

Perhaps you do that on MN, but as I said, it's my first time.

I think younshouldhave left it, I feel sorry for them.

Why do people care about being judged? It seems to be an obsession on this site. I couldn't give a toss what anyone thinks about what if choose to do. Don't be so defensive. Why would you feel the need to justify yourself to a total stranger? :-)

Quite a few people have been appearing to do exactly what Buckteeth said recently.

Actually... How do you know they were speaking about your children OP?

Maybe they were in fact talking about their nephews and nieces that they referred to?

truth hurts ,i would of not politely told you to go away if you ear wigged my conversation .

BTW, I appreciate it was a private conversation between the two of them. But there was a family of 5 directly between us and them, and usual din of diners in a restaurant and I very clearly heard what they said.

It's awful to be judged unfairly as you stew on it and it becomes bigger than the actual comment and it's good that you approached them discreetly but they never meant for you to hear it so it wasn't a passive aggressive judgement dig so to them it was just conversation and their views. (unfortunately you did hear it)

Sometimes you have to allow that people have their opinion and they are entitled to it, but however frustrating that may be it's a bit rude to intterupt a meal to prove a point - I can add I would have felt the same though, the need to explain myself.

My nan had a good saying - 'you do not need to value the opinions of people who you do not personally value' don't if it's some lame-ass poster or new-age saying but it's a good mantra

Are you a bat OP?

Wtf do you care what some random strangers think of your parenting? Are you feeling a bit down/insecure at the moment or something?

Ah but is it ear wigging if it's so audible.

It was obvious they were talking about my children. They were looking directly at them and making comments. Otherwise I would not have said anything.

Of course I wasn't sure how they would react. But I was prepared to argue the point in a less than polite manner if needs be (but as I said, it was a pleasant conversation).

At that age I would have had my head in a book. The lack of technology would not gave made me any more conversational.

We planned to eat out. Language lesson is a 20 minute drive from home. DH is away overnight. I told them yesterday that we would eat out as a treat.

why did it bother you

there is some truth to it we are all so busy playing on our phones/kindles/ipads that we are not communicating as much

it is a choice we are making, I use my phone to keep ds quiet at times as it is more relaxing for me

When I have private conversation I tend not to have them where the people I am talking about can hear them.
Not really private is it?

thetallest is right. This could have ended nasty and perhaps if the couple had been younger it would have. I wouldn't have been aggressive if you'd come up to me but I'd be less polite than the mid 60's couple you encountered.

I am sure they had no interest in your children, and were not at all bothered if they "lost the art of conversation". I bet they saw your kids, but both knew in between them they were talking about their relatives who they were likely concerned with.

Whether your kids had long days or been to tuition was most likely of no interest to them, as they just saw it as a sign of the times, and this is why kids these days cant think or cant talk, because they need passive entertainment all the time.

Not sure what I think about eavesdropping, and intruding on other peoples conversation though. Personally I would have just left it.

I honestly don't know why I didn't feel able to let it go. I do think we judge an awful lot, mostly unfairly. I felt I needed to take a stand. TBH I would have felt the same if the kids at the table next to me where the ones being critised.

It's like that story about the kids misbehaving on the subway (NY?). The dad was letting it happen. Someone finally complained to him and told him to keep his kids in line. He apologised and said their mother had just died at the hospital.

OBVIOUSLY this is NOT the same as that. But people don't tend to stand up for anything any more.

Yes, but what have you achieved? They still think young ones have lost the art of conversation, they are probably now talking about how very assertive mums are these days. If you are in a public place then you are in public view and people are allowed to judge you, think things in their heads, say things about the general things you are doing in a private conversation. You can also be on CCTV, in photos, observed for research and marketing purposes, and so on.

They shouldn't insult you- but they didn't, in fact they didn't address you or say anything directly concerning your children, just a general comment to which you took exception. You intruded on them more than they intruded on you IMO.

I think YANBU, because you say you challenged them quietly and politely about it, they apologised and you had a pleasant conversation and found common ground.

Sounds like a good outcome to me

YABU. I probably would have said something similar to my partner if we had seen young children playing with devices in a restaurant, because we have in the past. I think it's lazy parenting and rude. But that's just my opinion. I'm entitled to my opinion, just like your entitled to let your children play on a kindle at the dinner table.

If you had come over to me in a restaurant and interrupted my dinner to try and justify you parenting choices, i wouldn't have been as polite as the couple you encountered.

What exactly are you "standing up" for? Your right to go and interrupt an elderly couple's meal? Why did you feel it was necessary to explain your circumstances to them, it's none of their business. I wonder if you would have approached anyone you thought might get "arsey" with you or did you think they were a soft target? If you had done that to my late parents I would be seriously pissed off with you.

Do you accept you were being rude and unreasonable?

You say you would have argued with them impolitely too.. That sounds a little unstable.

The other day I was out side having a coffee at Neros , there were two ladies behind me. One was bored out of her tits looking at the other woman's photos I mean who the fuck has photos these days

Anyway bored woman commented on my dd2 pram, it had a winter set on with fur round the hood. Bored woman said something like " ah bless , look at the lovely fur! " . Arse hole photo lady said " humph , will get absolutely no benefit of it what so ever"

I heard her. She sounded like a right knob, but I couldn't be arsed turning round and throwing my hazelnut latte in her face like I wanted to I just pretended I hadn't heard and looked at my beautiful dd2.

This is the first time I've mentioned it. I don't let arseholes bother me.

Loves my pram I do !