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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

336 replies

TotesAmazebelle · 27/03/2014 19:38

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

OP posts:
Buckteethjeff · 27/03/2014 21:00

Grin love this place sometimes

kungfupannda · 27/03/2014 21:00

I'd probably think 'They have a point' before shrugging internally and deciding to worry about it tomorrow when I'm not so knackered.

The Scarlett O'Hara school of parenting - tomorrow is another day.

ArtexMonkey · 27/03/2014 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudiansSlipper · 27/03/2014 21:02

can you imagine if this did happen how the couple are still laughing at the children learning Chinese how did they keep straight faces. still you have given them a very funny story to tell others Grin so some good has come out of it all

Buckteethjeff · 27/03/2014 21:03

artex I think it would be the same. Approaching somebody is spoiling for a fight.

People should just have a massive food fight Grin

iamsoannoyed · 27/03/2014 21:04

YABU

You say you were "standing up for yourself". I am genuinely struggling to understand why you feel the need to justify yourself/your parenting, and insisting on how "well balanced" your children's days are to complete strangers.

It comes across as very insecure and your reaction seems completely OTT to me. I would just have ignored them, and got on with having my dinner with my DC, secure in the knowledge that I was raising my children well.

You were lucky this didn't cause a seen- you would have looked a bit silly to make such a fuss over this comment.

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/03/2014 21:05

I think YABU . Had it been me you had overheard and 'challenged' in that manner I would've stuck to my guns with my opinion and said there is always an excuse why children have to have their heads stuck in the damn things even in a restaurant. Being tired or having just had a language lesson are both ridiculous excuses - a tired child (and they are hardly at the toddler meltdown stage at 11 and 9) can have their tiredness relieved how exactly by looking at a screen. Or a stressed child from a language lesson can be relaxed by playing on one how exactly ? Surely talking to his sibling/mother would be more relaxing.

Also if they were two tables away then they undoubtedly did not intend you to hear them which is completely different from someone making a sarcastic or judgy comment in a stage whisper deliberately intended for your ears.
How ironic it was an Italian restaurant too ,a culture where they love nothing more than having the youngest to the oldest all round the table and not looking at gadgets , but interacting with each other.

MorrisZapp · 27/03/2014 21:06

Chinese

Hahahahahahahaha!

I posted a genuine response earlier. Scrap that then.

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 21:06

Bet she's sitting there thinking "Of all the things I could have said, I had to go and balls it up and say Chinese Grin

Gormless · 27/03/2014 21:06

I'd have been livid if I'd made a private comment to my partner at my own table and someone came up and interrupted our evening to make themselves feel better about themselves.

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/03/2014 21:08

Ooh a food fight , now you're talking Grin

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 21:09

My DCs are learning Swiss and Belgian. Make what you will of that OP.

ilovesooty · 27/03/2014 21:10

I was trying to make the point that I was raising the next generation well

For heaven's sake. I'm with those who wonder why on earth you need to trumpet your amazing parenting and justify yourself to strangers. Or why you thought it was appropriate to interrupt their meal.

pictish · 27/03/2014 21:11

Just seen the bit about 'Chinese'....brilliant. Grin

OP - for next time....google is your friend.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/03/2014 21:11

YWBU OP, why the fuck did you do that?

ilovesooty · 27/03/2014 21:12

blanche Grin

brokenhearted55a · 27/03/2014 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 21:13

I think she's gone...

blanchedeveraux · 27/03/2014 21:14

......probably to find an African tutor...I hear there are some great Mexican speakers these days...

notso · 27/03/2014 21:14

Buckteethjeff Blush my sister and I said exactly that about the xplory hood fur when we looked at it in a baby shop.

OP I think you are a bit hypocritical tbh. You obviously think screens at dinner isn't really acceptable or you're DC would have them regularly.
The couple were obviously of the same opinion.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/03/2014 21:14

I'm so surprised some people think the OP was not harsh enough! Seriously who actually cares what strangers have to say and get angry about it?, some people don't like kids and the way they are engrossed in technology, quite frankly I can see their point, get over it, not everyone thinks your kids are fabulous.

Personally I'd have let it go but I think if the OP was planning to approach them then she was very civil in the way she did it.

maraisfrance · 27/03/2014 21:15

Christ, OP, but you are an idiot. And I feel I"m a bigger one for reading this stuff. Totally agree with those posters who sense massive showing off and anxiety about THE WHOLE WORLD recognising what a perfect, excellent parent of perfect, excellent children you are. "I know what great conversationalists they are.." Gimme strength. Yeah, you're raising Mme de Sevigny and Oscar Wilde there, and everyone must acknowledge it.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/03/2014 21:16

BTW my first comment not aimed at the OP but at the people who would have "done much worse than that" etc

Stripyhoglets · 27/03/2014 21:19

I wouldn't have challenged but only cos I don't give a rats arse what people think of my children on devices in restaurants. We actually enjoy meals out now they are no longer bored while waiting for food, they used to entertain themselves by bickering which was significantly more stressful for me and unpleasant for other diners.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 27/03/2014 21:19

Totally agree with those posters who sense massive showing off and anxiety about THE WHOLE WORLD recognising what a perfect, excellent parent of perfect, excellent children you are.

And this ^

I'm personally very happy and comfortable with the way I parent and on the couple of occasions I've heard people tutting about my child I can honestly it hasn't bothered me one bit. I feel bad for the OP as she seems quite insecure

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