To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

[TotesAmazebelle]

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

Have you noticed these days that certain people have to have an opinion on everything

It's not necessary! I agree with Thumper's dad in Bambi 2If you can't say something nice; Don't say nothing at all!

sorry Got the " on that Quote a bit mixed up"

Oh by the way I'm 61! I keep telling that to the 18 year old girl trying to get out. some people were born old miseries

I wouldn't have said anything, but I think you handled it well.

Why did it bother you so much though?

So presumably when I go to a restaurant I can sit and insult the other diners as much as I like and they can't complain because they are the ones in the wrong for eavesdropping.

I would have judged you and found you lacking. It's appalling how kids are bloody hot wired to bloody electronic devices and am shocked that kids of they age would sit at a table at home during dinner with one let alone in a restaurant.

IMO it is the very height of bad manners and should but be allowed.

Think you did admirably here. Kept civil but also educated them. Doing nothing would have just reinforced their beliefs. The fact you had a pleasant conversation afterwards shows that you were right (and fair enough too that they were able to accept their misconceptions were wrong).

YANBU to feel that way but yabu, IMO to have said something.

OBVIOUSLY this is NOT the same as that. But people don't tend to stand up for anything any more.

Totes I'm a stand up kind of person. I've chased shoplifters out of shops and challenged trespassing youths, amongst other things. Not the same as your situation at all. In the cases I mentioned people were behaving illegally or dangerously, in yours a couple were having a private conversation and you felt a need to be very rude to them.

I now think that you are being very unreasonable just for trying to set yourself up as a moral crusader.

Educated them about what though?

Kept civil but also educated them. Doing nothing would have just reinforced their beliefs

Oh, the smugness of the righteous! Because of course, this couple knew nothing not being mummies and all that ...

Great to be 'educated' by some earwigging diner whilst you attempt' to enjoy an evening out

If the menu was in real authentic 'Chinese' dc could have joined in also....

Earwigging is interesting. Because it does depend on the speaker... although I reckon most of us could tell f it was genuine or to-be-heard.

As part of my job I work with anti-bullying and something that has always been around in RL but only seems to be acknowledged in recent years is the blatantly saying something 'to be overheard' so you cannot be identified as a name-caller. I wonder if it being identified only more recently in leaflets etc' because it is a far more British thing (we are less likely to challenge, more reserved than other nations) and "but I didn't want them to hear" is a defense.
Hence, since before I was born (you can see it on films and TV way back) the 'loud pointed comment' happens, but etiquette meant you treated it like a genuinely overheard comment - even if it was louder and said with a smirk.

Of course the couple were pleasant. Most people wouldn't want to cause a scene when confronted by this bonkers woman telling them what a fantastic parent she is.

LaQueen

If I got approached by every person me and DH made a comment about when put for a meal is never get flippin home. If anyone has ever seen date night we do in restaurants what the couple do beforehand and try to guess who people on other tables are and if it's their first date efc.

I think we need to remember the elderly couple didn't actually insult anyone, they're quite fairly said that kids who have their noses in gadgets in a restaurant won't be good at actually holding a conversation at the dinner table. To me that's a generic comment, aimed at no one in particular, inspired by something they've observed at the time - anyone on here who says they don't do similar is a big fat liar.

Passing remarks about fellow-diners: mildly bad-mannered but no big deal. Yes - provided the fellow diners cannot hear the remarks. The fact that the couple spoke loudly enough for the OP to hear means IMHO they were fair game.

I agree with Laqueen, I doubt for one nano-second they actually changed their mind on the electronic device question, however I'm damn sure they will think twice before they comment audibly about their fellow diners again, which is just as it should be.

Wow. So many people on here are so nasty.

YNBU. They'd have also complained if your DCs started fidgeting. Given my most MN Bunfights over children in restaurants wtc I'm sure they'd much rather have someones DCs sat still with devices in their faces whilst waiting for their dinner. I don't agree with devices at the table per se. The worst culprits are adults by the way! But I wouldn't begrudge a DC 15mins device time whilstwaiting.

LaQueen. You're almost certainly right.

Whether the scenario happened or not is neither here nor there to me but it reminded me of two things.

First was at a large family meal we went on last year with 30 odd members of the extended family. I'm telling my kids that thy can't take their mobiles and pads to play on because it is a big social meal but after the first course most of the 20 something weren't talking to each other as used to happen but most were playing on their own phones. My boys were giving me the evils because they were lest out!

The second thing I remember is that when I went out for a meal in north Iceland last autumn one of the restaurants brought iPads over for the kids. In the very recent past kids got some crayons and a sheet of paper to colour in.

Times are changing!