To challenge couple in restaurant who judged my DCs?

[TotesAmazebelle]

Had dinner out earlier in an Italian restaurant. I agreed that the DCs (11 and 9) could play their Kindle Fires for 10-15 minutes when we got there. This is not sth they do often - they never usually play them in a restaurant or even around the dinner table at home.

Two tables away a couple (mid 60s) were tutting head shaking and he said "the trouble is they lose the art of conversation". I don't think they intended me to hear it, but it came over loud and clear.

I waited until they had finished their starter then approached them. I said in a quiet voice that I was sorry for interrupting them and that I heard what they had said. I said I wanted to let them know that my children had had a busy day at school and the eldest one had just had a one hour language tuition session after school. That I said that they can play for 15 minutes and that it's not sth we would normally do blah blah. They apologised for the comment and said they just think it's a shame when kids have their faces in devices all the time (they said they didn't have children of their own but have noticed it with nephews and neices etc.). I actually agree with this whey is why I don't let mine play at the table etc. and I told them this. We actually had a pleasant conversation about it.

I clearly felt the need to challenge their judgemental view. I was sat there for some time trying to decide whether to say something or not and the saying something clearly got the better of me. I just felt that they know nothing about us and what we would normally do. I didn't want them to go away with an assumption about me/my kids/other kids (am a bit sick of hearing about the downfall of the youth of today from older generations).

But was I being unreasonable? Should I have just ignored them (after 15 minutes kids had put Kindles away and we were chatting amongst ourselves and maybe they'd have seen this).

YABU unreasonable, precious and probably an embarrassment to your children.

The unconscious ageism on this thread is interesting. I'm assuming it's not deliberate, but it's interesting, nonetheless.

"A couple in the 60s" could probably still be working. Every day, and gosh! Using computers, tablets, kindles. Not doddery old things unable to keep up with technology.

It is possible to use technology but also to have opinions on when and how use is appropriate. And to be over 30 and still be a fully functioning human being ...

2???????

Would you have posted if it had gone tits-up for you? They were obviously reasonable and listened to your point of view which was lucky for you and anyone else dining there. Why do you feel the need to justify your actions to anyone? Do you never have opinions on other people?

Self-important and rude. If you'd bothered talking to your kids then you wouldn't have been eavesdropping anyhow. The couple have a good point - no need for Kindles in a restaurant at the age of 11 and 9.

Perhaps if one or both of the children had been female they could have been given an early life lesson in being assertive by being encouraged to interrupt the meal to explain their mother's amazing parenting

Agree with UptheChimney about the ageism. Doubt the OP would have been so brave/rude with a different demographic.

Was trying to type in 'Chinese' but didn't work.

Now my iPad is set in the wrong language and the settings are all in Cantonese so I can't switch it back...because I can't read it...

@BigBum

Ok, fixed it by comparing dhs iPad to mine, phew!

Nearly had to sign up to Chinese lessons myself there...

I believe OP proved the couple right. They will dine out on her hysterical* rant for weeks. "We just nodded and smiled. What else could we do? She was raving."

*deliberate

It was rather odd to go and have a chat - you don't need to justify yourself! For all they knew you could have been just back from a family debating competition and needed a 15 min. wind-down! No need to explain at all.

DS sometimes has the iphone/ipad if we're eating out - he's generally well behaved, but if dinner takes a while/we're still eating and he's finished then it's good to give him something to do.

Mind you, he's 3, so we're talking every other minute of the day, and if he gets the restaurant crayons (sigh), then I spend most of my time picking them up/being told to colour in bits for him.

"Now my iPad is set in the wrong language and the settings are all in Cantonese so I can't switch it back...because I can't read it.."

Sorry but that is so funny.

For this agreeing with the OP, the couple might have been having a general conversation, sparked by seeing the OP's children.

Completely different to judging the OP. Like many on here would, but wouldn't say it out loud, just rant about it via the same technology that they are judging.

OP, leave other people alone to enjoy their meal in peace and teach your children how to behave appropriately in a restaurant, allow others their opinions, in the process.

I agree with the ageism that MN has running through it.

People are working until their 70's. Doing degrees/PHDs etc in their 40's and 50's, all using computers.

Although it can see why some people are old in their 60's, what with the joyless, martyred lives they inflict upon themselves.

Why spoil your own meal out to react to someone else.

OP if your big on self improvement take a Mindfulness/Calming course, life will be so much more enjoyable, you will learn to control what you allow yourself to react to.

You sound a self-righteous pain in the arse. A couple of strangers made a throwaway comment and aired an opinion they are perfectly entitled to hold. you're lucky they were so reasonable with their response.

"A couple in their 60s - I bet that one of them had hearing loss, hence the audible conversation"

And Zimmer frames? Probably a touch of Altzheimenr's? They obviously couldn't have known what a Kindle Fire(good that the OP told us what sort of kindle!) was......

My dc have their Itouch or my phone every time we go out and only really put it down to eat. They read to me, ds designs train routes and shows them to me, drawing, puzzles, maths bingo and all the time we are talking discussing what we are doing after the meal, googling transport routes on the underground or cinema times. I refuse to buy into the hysteria and self righteousness surrounding using these devices while out and about.

Good grief, what a fuss about nowt.

I'm not sure why anyone would challenge a couple based on their apparently judgy conversation.
When I used to be out and about with dS2 I had to put up with a huge amount of judgement because he was small and appeared badly behaved. People would comment and it was hardest on ds1 who was beautifully behaved but would hear 'poor parenting' comments and get upset.

I always told him that the best way to pov them wrong was to be dignified . The best way to prove them right was to retort and react.

He did react a few times but he learnt, like I have, that people enjoy their assumptions and will want to cling to them.

I think you were pretty daft and a bit self important op. interrupting someone's privacy to justify yourself may have felt appropriate but in retrospect you should have let it go.

Anyway, being 52 I am going to now go and ask some youths if they can help me switch my iPad off....

YANBU, unless other diners are doing something that actively impacts on your meal then it is rude to pass comment about them, so I believe you were justified in retorting to them.

My DF is always moaning about DS being on his electronic device so we don't let him play when we are visiting. Cue DF disappearing off within seconds to do important business on his computer - didn't take DS long to figure out that grandad was off playing on his device but he wasn't allowed to play on his.

We had a good moment in Tenerife once - we were eating out at quite a posh restaurant fairly late with DS age 6 at the time. Due to these two factors and the fact that we are fairly lazy arsed parents DS was playing with the i-pad but it was not visible as it was under the table . An older couple who were sitting nearby came to congratulate us on our well behaved offspring - we were really worried they said, when we saw him there, thought he would spoil our evening. Excellent cats bum faces from the pair when we show them the i-pad, tee hee.

Martorana sadly lots of people in their sixties have hearing loss, this is not unusual and many start wearing hearing aids around then. By eighty, most people have some hearing loss and my very elderly relatives are lovely but they can't hear what you say, unless you speak extremely loudly in a way that can seem patronising.

I'm amazed the OP could hear a remark though, over a family of 5 inbetween. Amazed and dubious

She totally shot herself in the foot with the "Chinese" remark. She couldn't even backtrack and say it was shorthand for Mandarin as she then claimed to have said it "facetiously".

I think the whole thing's a load of old toot that spectacularly backfired.

Give it a got LaQueen, had me lolling before I popped off to bed last night.

You do need to read the Chinese bit, laQueen, just for the lolz