To think DH is talking out of his arse?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Re: holidays.
We have two small dcs. 3 yo and 1 yo.
Last year we had a great villa holiday (v. Fortunate) it was lovely. Warm weather, relaxing enough because all amenities on hand IYSWIM. Got to do and see stuff.
He stubbornly insists maintains that an all inclusive hotel hols would be better. He thinks "everyone" agrees with that. He simply doesn't see what I am complaining about.
I think a hotel room, however comfortable, sounds like a fucking nightmare in our situation. I can't bear the idea of not having the convenient base that self catering gives you IYSWIM. Every meal taken in a massive dining room with two little ones. I'm getting chest pain just thinking about it.
Aibu? Is he right?
Or is he talking shit?

All inclusive holidays vary hugely. I went to a 3 star AI in Portugal ages ago which was awful, terrible food, rude staff etc. later went to 5 stars in Cyprus and Egypt which were fantastic, excellent facilities, polite staff, beautiful rooms, clubs for the DC, sports on the beach etc but £££ of course. So you get what you pay for.

I don't want to be thinking about cooking, tidying up, making beds etc on holiday so would choose AI in your shoes.

I have a very hyper active little boy too. He is also very loud. Pick a family friendly resort. You really won't have anyone sushing you cos all the kids will be doing the same kind of thing, making the same noise.

There's usually an adult only pool somewhere too for those who put there kids in the kids club and want a bit of a break.

Their kids! Doh.

The only hotel situation I agreed to when our kids were the age of yours was where the hotel room was a family one, ie separate bedroom for the children. Such as that found in first choice holiday villages. I wouldn't have gone if we had all had to sleep in one room. I didn't mind the AI eating set up.

We did that twice and every other year have done self catering villas which I do prefer.

Self catering is so much easier with kids in my opinion, so long as you don't cook all the time and budget to have a hot meal out at lunchtime. Light meal in villa for tea, kids in bed, adults drink wine in living area. Easy. If you are all cooped up in one room then any holiday sex is off the menu and what do you do when your kids are asleep?

We always hire villas/apartments/cottages when we go away and therefore probably biased, but I totally agree with you OP. Fortunately my husband feels the same way.

I love the freedom to buy food and eat it in our accommodation and the freedom to eat out wherever we like. It's not a busman's holiday because we eat out at least once a day, usually twice and everyone helps out with meals if we eat in. In any case it's not cooking exactly, more buying bread, salad, meat etc and having a help yourself supper.

I love my privacy and wouldn't have it any other way.

"But ds is an active little boy and I don't need ppl shushing us at the poolside or to be stopping a baby from toppling into the pool surrounded by lots of couples looking like I'm getting in their way."

Again every AI resort that I have stayed in has had a under 5 pool and at least two others.

There will be a quiz going on, water games (for all) and activities for the little ones.

We went as a mixed group to Pathos and everyone enjoyed it.

If you are all cooped up in one room then any holiday sex is off the menu

Two words, "Kids Clubs" . You can see parents practically sprinting back to their rooms after drop-off!

It's really a budget issue. You will easily find an AI that is set up to prevent all the things you are worried about. The question is whether you can afford it/are willing to pay for it.

When the dses were little, we did self-catering holidays because having our own place meant we didn't have to worry about them disturbing other people - they weren't out-of-control noisy, but they were normal small boy noisy, and trying to manage that in a hotel room would have been a nightmare.

Self catering also meant we could feed them when it suited us, and we could give them the food we wanted them to have, rather than having to wait until the prescribed meal times at a hotel.

Self catering also meant we had more space, so we could take toys for the boys, which made things easier - plus we also always made sure we had a washer and dryer, so we didn't have to take as many clothes with us.

We did have the occasional night in a hotel with them, and it was so much harder and more stressful - sharing one room with them meant I didn't get a decent night's sleep, and also meant that no-one got a lie in, in the mornings (dh and I used to take turns at having the lie-in). It was nice having someone else do the cooking, but for me, that benefit was far outweighed by the downsides of not being able to eat when we wanted to (when it suited the boys' routine) but having to wait until the restaurant was open, and then having to get the boys to sit and wait quietly, and behave themselves, whilst waiting for the food to arrive.

So TheRealAmandaClarke - you can tell your dh that everyone doesn't agree with him!

Rocha Brava in Portugal. We rent villa privately through owners direct

Ai doesn't mean you can't leave the hotel and eat out! Plus where we have stayed, with first choice in a holiday village, we had an apartment with seperate bedrooms and a kitchen

There where two hour slots for all three meals and snacks from 12 - 10

Kids clubs ran all day with night time parties . I missed my kids !!! And bedtime went out of the window

With the ages I agree, no worrying about keeping others awake with a restless night, sticking to times for eating. But we did a short hotel break this year, the no cooking / shopping was amazing!

I've found self-catering apartments within a hotel complex are the best bet. You can use all the hotel's amenities if you want, but can also have your own decent space if needed.

Kids club and later bedtime is all well and good if they are a bit older but OP has toddlers. I would not leave my one year old with strangers in a foreign kids club.

Our last holiday was best of both worlds. Large 2 bed apartment in a small complex in the middle of a lovely resort. Hotel had a bar/cafe type place where we sometimes got breakfast, sometimes DH went across the road to the bakery for fresh pastries. We ran up a tab each day and the kids went and got their own ice creams etc. Lunch was usually greek salad and chips in the hotel when we felt like it, and out to one of the 12 great restuarants within a 5 minute walk in the evening. No dressing up required in Greek villages, scruffy as you like! Back to the hotel bar where most of the other families went back to and the kids played pool etc with the friends they had in hotel.

I've worked out the costs, and its still cheaper than a 5 star AI, but with total freedom.

No timetable, no lining up with a tray etc. Bloody paradise - heading back there this summer.

Also supporting the local economy, which AI hotels are killing off.

I would not leave my one year old with strangers in a foreign kids club

My comment about Kids Clubs and sex was meant to be tongue in cheek, although it is a real phenomonem.

Actually a lot of them don't take under twos in any case. Saying that though all the resorts we have stayed at have British run Kids Clubs with British trained staff, so no different to a nursery or child minder in UK.

We used them for DD from the ages of 2-4 to get her out of the midday heat tbh, couple of hours at a time playing with other kids in a nursery type setting that had aircon etc was good for all of us.

From 5 and older when we went to the First Choice Holiday Villages we let DD go to the Swim Club and the Razzamatazz Club because she enjoys it so much.

We were very lucky with DD I suppose. Didn't have a problem giving her a later bedtime or letting her sleep in her buggy, we were always of the mind that it was only 2 weeks and it made everything easier for all of us. Maybe it's an 'only' thing - if we went SC/Villa DD would be bored with just us, so we had to look around for something that would suit her.

Why not give it a go this summer, see how it works out.

Fwiw I felt I had to worry more about appearances when in a hotel, and was constantly monitoring the DCs' behaviour. I prefer to go by our own timetable and not a hotel's. But not having to do any catering and coming in after a day out to an immaculate room and sparkling bathroom - bliss. If he is as you say a hands on dad, I don't think you will be landed with all the responsibility. Take advantage of any treats available, book yourself in for solo treatments, after all if he wants a hotel stay so badly you should be able to benefit from all the place has to offer.

At least if you try it this year, you will have a better leg to stand on next year, when he can't say "How do you know you prefer s/c if you haven't tried the all-inclusive deal".

If everyone agreed all-inclusive was best, then everyone would book all-inclusive holidays. Clearly it's only a small part of the market.

It's a personal preference. I'd hate it. Never done it. I don't mind hotels but I don't want to be stuck eating in one place all the time. I can understand his point that with little ones you probably aren't going to be out hitting the restaurants and high spots of the resort every night, though, and in some ways it would be easier. But I also get your point about the extra space in a villa/not having to put babies to bed in your one room while you are still awake.

You can do both. We had a villa on a resort last year in Portugal and it worked so well we're going back this year. It means house cleaned every day by someone else, kids clubs if you want them, catered for if you want it, shops on site, activities, entertainment etc, but you can retreat to your own villa and kitchen and laundry if you want to veg. Ben Fogle was there so there was obviously enough privacy for him!

There's a MN discount for it too :

likepeasinapod.com/2013/05/27/martinhal-resort-sagres-portugal/

We alternate between self catering apartment and all inc. we are doing the self catering this year, and the closer it gets the more I realise I CBA to cook.

But if you self cater you can eat out, can't you?

Having to get shopping in is a pain, but it's possible to keep cooked meals simple.

Breakfast & lunch are easy.

There's usually a dishwasher & cleaner so not much to do.

AI it can be a pain having to stick to the times/get ready.

Pros & cons for both I think.

How much supervising of the kids would he do on holiday? I agree that having to make sure your kids are on 'public behaviour' at all times sounds a bit unrelaxing, but if you shared the duties then it'd be easier.

Personally I think I'd rather go self-catering if I had kids DISCLAIMER I don't, so might be talking out of my arse too .

But a compromise like others have mentioned might be a good solution – staying in a resort with places to eat out etc, but with your own self-catering facilities and a villa/cottage rather than just a room. The idea of having only a hotel room, and then having to spend the rest of the time in public places with lots of people, makes me feel a bit unrelaxed too.

As far as 'everyone agreeing' he is of course talking bollocks. I note however that while claims are made that everyone should have a say and enjoy the holiday, this of course might not apparently extend to DH who should of course be quiet and not state a preference.

We did an all inclusive with a 20 month old - awful. There was no separate bedroom so when DD went to bed we had to sit very still in darkness until she dropped off. The meal times were late in the evening so she was tired and hungry by dinner and the pool wasn't heated so cou