To be shocked at neighbour??

[DomesticDisgrace]

I was having a very rare chat with my downstairs neighbour, I'm in a duplex and she's in a flat underneath with her front door under the stairs to my place. Two very separate buildings really and you can hear absolutely nothing from one to the other.
We were talking about ovens and I was saying I'm a pretty useless cook but really been trying this year, something was said about what shelf is best and she said "because heat rises", at this stage DD was getting impatient and I just made a stupid joke about how that'll come in handy for me next winter (given that she lives underneath), not even true because I had my heating on loads this winter and I only said it out of silliness.

Well I've just gotten a text from her saying "Domestic, I've been thinking after our discussion earlier and I'm feeling a little hard done by if I'm honest. Perhaps we could have a chat later on and come up with the fairest way of dealing with the issue regarding heating"

What the actual fuck, I don't know what to say back but I really can't afford to pay her for having her heat on just because heat rises??

oh this has got to be the best th ing iv heard.. like.. ever!

it would inrage me im afraid and i would be playing out the conversations/argument with her in my head untill i self destrcuted.

but on the bright side you have a dinner party story

I don't know if I would respond or not. But, something along the lines of what Quinteszilla said would be appropriate.

I think the only sensible answer possibly is "of course it is fair, we live in two separate self contained units, and not a flat share!"

And dont make any more jokes.
Thats exacrly what to text her.Theres no comeback to it.

she needs to put aluminium foil on her ceiling, shiny side down

that'll help stop you stealing all htat heat she's paid for

She sounds that batshit, I bet she's shopping for the foil now!

send what dustarr said. She is off her rocker.

There are more than two bonkers, physics-denying neighbours.

Mine asked me to move the steam from my tumble dryer as it was wafting over his garden.

I sent that word for word dustarr thanks!

You have handled this awkward situation very well. It really is your neighbour who has the issue, not you. Your reply was polite and her dig about your job situation was rude.

I would avoid her in future and not share a joke in case she takes it the wrong way or discuss anything remotely personal, like your financial situation, in case she uses it against you. Just nod and smile politely in passing so she can't accuse you of being rude but always be in an awful hurry so you can't stop to chat!

Loving the totally literal "demon"! Oh yes, at playgroup she dropped her biscuit and shouted your mother sucks cocks in hell!!! Mortifying! Kids eh?"

My bite of bread and butter went down the wrong way then jennybendy. You will be hearing from my solicitors.

Since I noticed Isittimeforgin had a similar near-death experience with a rich tea you may be facing a class action.

she needs to put aluminium foil on her ceiling, shiny side down

Good idea willie. She could unfold the hat she's wearing.

You need to make those "rare chats" with her even rarer.

Some neighbours do have 'em.

Okay my anger has completely subsided, she is quite obviously an ill woman! I won't be replying to her again, this is what she's sent me (we're in Ireland by the way)

FYI : www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/social_welfare_payments_to_families_and_children/deserted_wife_s_payments.html

sarah what kind of fish were they? You're giving the impression that they're guppies but for all I know they could be a couple of amorous Great White sharks.

"Do you need help looking for education opportunities to improve your career, or want me to keep a look out for an upstairs flat you could move into?"

You need a gun.

Uh oh ... poor woman.

Unless she sent it to you by accident? Copied and pasted it into the wrong text message?

What the actual fuck!

Seriously?

Fruit loop.....

I think you're right to just leave it now OP, this could get weird.

I was going to suggest she was on the Autistic spectrum, then I saw your link.

Avoid her from now on.

or is she subtly implying that she will steal your husband?

That's cruel, not someone who is socially unaware.

She is implying that OP's DH dumped her. Ireland didn't have divorce until recently, different culture to UK.

I actually have tears streaming down my face thanks to "splashy little buggers"