To be shocked at neighbour??

[DomesticDisgrace]

I was having a very rare chat with my downstairs neighbour, I'm in a duplex and she's in a flat underneath with her front door under the stairs to my place. Two very separate buildings really and you can hear absolutely nothing from one to the other.
We were talking about ovens and I was saying I'm a pretty useless cook but really been trying this year, something was said about what shelf is best and she said "because heat rises", at this stage DD was getting impatient and I just made a stupid joke about how that'll come in handy for me next winter (given that she lives underneath), not even true because I had my heating on loads this winter and I only said it out of silliness.

Well I've just gotten a text from her saying "Domestic, I've been thinking after our discussion earlier and I'm feeling a little hard done by if I'm honest. Perhaps we could have a chat later on and come up with the fairest way of dealing with the issue regarding heating"

What the actual fuck, I don't know what to say back but I really can't afford to pay her for having her heat on just because heat rises??

Obviously not every 50ish Single women acts like this but some do!

I had two once, in a block of 3 flats. One marched up one evening at 8.30pm to complain that I was hovering "what on earth was I doing now?"

The other didn't live there or rent it out. She once did a holiday let and the man in question complained to her about me taking rubbish out about 10pm. She sent me a three page letter, informing me she knew what type of person I was, and that I was now "living in a private block of flats in a prime residential area of the West End (of the town) and various other comments and accusations, all from this woman I had never met.

I wrote her a lovely letter back!

I'd complain if you were hovering. It's against the laws of physics.

Annie you'd make a great detective! She has a Padre Pio thing hanging on her car mirror so definitely religious. I get a "look downy" vibe from her too because of my current situation and because of my old job (call centre), but no hard evidence to prove this but a strong vibe none the less!

I am 54.

Just saying.

And watch it.

Why not offer to drill some small holes above her bath and run a hose down to her flat and she can have all your waste water as a kind of exchange for her hot air? I bet she would go for that.

I'm 50+ and have mental illness. Divorced, but otherwise 'spinster' I guess.

Give me a minute, I'll acquire some profound religious doctrine and start harassing my neighbours. Wouldn't want to let the side down

Following a very short argument with myself, I will make the painfully obvious point that posters are complaining about a woman's unfair assumptions about OP, based on her age & circumstances ... and blaming it on the woman's assumed age & circumstances. Pots & kettles galore.

Obviously not every 50ish Single women acts like this but some do!

But you can say that for any age group. I used to live in a downstairs flat and the woman upstairs got really angry one day because she couldn't find her marigolds. So she picked up her hoover and threw it straight through the window. Where it landed by my front door amongst a shower of glass. She was about 21. So what does that mean then? That some 21 year olds throw their hoovers out the window, but not all do. It doesn't mean anything does it. Apart from some people, of either gender, of any age, sometimes have a few issues to deal with.

This was an interesting/amusing thread until we moved onto age (somewhat harmlessly I'm guessing). Lets move off age and offending everyone and back to what was originally discussed before it descends into a bunfight

I've read this picturing the neighbour as Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

She may not be nasty as many have said, but on the spectrum. Perhaps she thinks sending the link was helpful?

picturing the neighbour as Sheldon from Big Bang Theory

Goodness, that works! Well, except that Sheldon would have given OP a lecture on heat transference ... and cooking.

Aw I think people are reading a little bit too much into the age talk. Is it not more of a thing that we as humans are constantly building pictures and making assumptions on the information we are given?
There was a thread a while back about a co worker constantly eating loudly at her desk and the itchy little part of my brain really wanted to know if the girl was overweight. As awful as that sounds, it would have filled in a gap of my curiosity. Not judgment just wondermentreally.

If I had said that she was 21 in the end I think a lot of you would have been a bit surprised because probably unknowns to yourselves you were constantly building up a mental image of her.

I don't think there's any judgment or meanness in anything that has been said regarding her age or her relationship status. My mam was in her 50s, had a mental illness and lived alone. They're only details that build a picture, not factors that make us go "Ah yes, of course!"

Exactly when we have discussions about out children on here we often ask 'how old are they'

We should not be embaressed to ask the same of grown ups

Plus a neighbour who is in her 50's and and neighbour who is in her 20's will not necessarily have the same outlook in life

The age thing is relevant because an Irish person of a certain age, typically over 50, will often have a certain mindset about 'fatherless children' and single mothers etc. If she's old enough, back in her day, being a single mother was practically a crime against humanity that warranted being locked up so the age thing is relevant. Not all Irish people over 50 are like this but many will be, especially religious people.

I'm guessing her thought-process is something like this:
'All these young wans these days flitting about with their fancy men, no ring on the finger, fatherless children and the taxpayers paying for it. How's she's paying for that flat with no job and no husband? Social welfare paying for everything. It's a disgrace, wouldn't have got away with it in my day. Trying to steal my heating as well, she is. The cheek of her. It's shocking. Let me sit down a minute and pray to Padre Pio, he'll tell me what to do. What's that Padre? A link to a deserted wives web-page? Great. That'll shame the hussy!!'

So mix of religious, out-of-touch and a tiny bit mental... AVOID, AVOID, Domestic!

"I'm respectable you see, and pay my way in life. Unlike some more of them... not looking at anyone in particular"

I'm going to start charging a 'heat handling fee' to all neighbours below me. I don't want their heat in my flat - how dare they assume that I do. How much should I ask for?

Avery chuckling away here!!

God I do love Mumsnet!

In my experience anyone who has a Padre Pio whatsit hanging up in their car is ummmm, enthusiastically religious and likely to be very socially conservative. And yes, the Padre Pio brigade do tend to be over 50. He's not as much of a pinup for the 35 and youngers.

Sooooo ... When it's summer and the hot air from her flat is rising and permeating yours, will she realise you're a bit hard done by and help pay your AC bills?

'I'm going to start charging a 'heat handling fee' to all neighbours below me. I don't want their heat in my flat - how dare they assume that I do. How much should I ask for?'

A quarterly invoice should work out as

Heat Handling Fee - £350
I'm Too Hot tax - £100
Secondary Heat Osmosis - £95
Insurance Costs - £81
Admin Costs - £250

£876 (not inc. VAT)

Late payment penalties will apply.

Seems more than reasonable.

Splendid - that seems more than fair. Hit her with an invoice just like that, then run away - fast. Then, await a bombardment of extra-amusing texts.

I think you should amp your shameless hussy status up to the max here, OP: fishnets, leopard print, super-tight everything, scarlet lipstick and lots of old-school arse wiggling whenever you go out. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.