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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sick that my son got his nursery place?

57 replies

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 10:58

Well my son has got his school nursery place to start after the Easter holiday.
He is a September child so will be 3 years 7 months when she starts.
I'm a stay at home mum to him and his younger brother of 18 months and very rarely leave them wih grandparents so this is a huge leap for both of us.
Hea a pretty outgoing kid although gets quite shy around new people.
Am I worrying for nothing?
My instincts tell me he's too young, but reception is next year and will feel very wicked having not sent him anywhere prior.
Any advice?

OP posts:

blahblahblah2014 · 25/03/2014 11:00

Just console yourself with how much fun he will have and how many friends he will make prior to reception - Plus it will get you into a good routine of getting up and out as well. Everyone worries about them starting nursery, he will be just fine. He will learn so much so quickly and i'm sure he will make you very proud =)

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/03/2014 11:00

It's totally up to you, there is no right or wrong. My DS (August baby so started school a week after he turned 4) went to pre-school at the age of 2 1/2 and looking back now I do wonder what I was thinking, why did I send him so young. However, he loved it and he only ever went 3 mornings a week.

Just send DD for a couple of sessions and see how she gets on but it's not compulsory........they start school so young these days I really don't see it as an issue if they don't go to nursery beforehand.

whitepuddingsupper · 25/03/2014 11:01

I know it's a big step to take and it's worrying to think of leaving them for the first time but IMHO it's better for them to get used to being in a classroom environment before going to school. I'm sure at 3.7 he will be fine, my DD started after Christmas having only just turned 3 before the holidays and loved starting nursery.

Original poster

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 11:29

Thankyou for your replies,
He will always be the very eldest child so I did try ro convince myself he would be fine just swanning into reception at almost 5 but I do feel I'd be doing him an injustice as he really wouldn't be used to it.
So I'm only doing it for his benefit, I just hope he settles okay.
Still feel sick at the thought of someone else looking after him!
We pretty active and accident prone and I hate to think of him having an accident and I'm not there.
Does anyone know at school nurseries if they are expected to use the toilet alone or whether someone takes them?
Hes been dry for months so not a major issue but just wonder in a new environment if kids just take themselves off to the loo alone!

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/03/2014 11:34

He'll be fine, he is a good age to start and it really is worse for us parents than it is for them - half the time they are more than ready but we aren't.

Nurseries all have different policies - when DS started pre school he was still in nappies but it was ok at that particular one. Just ask what the policies are but just make sure he has a bag there with a fresh change of clothes etc.

Doingakatereddy · 25/03/2014 11:37

We've found school nursery (preschool) amazing. Teachers & assistants are very caring & compared to both private nurseries I sent DS to, preschool was much more caring & involved.

All kids in DS's class adore it, they sing, paint, dance - each day is a big adventure.

I know you'll miss him, but I think letting them go slowly and carefully is the best thing you can do. Sadly, full time school comes around v quickly

OddFodd · 25/03/2014 11:44

For SAHMs, nursery is as much for your benefit as it is for the children. You get to let them go gradually and knowing that they don't have to go if Auntie Marjorie is coming to stay or whatever :)

They're really good at preparing them for school and it means that school isn't nearly such a scary experience for you or them. Knowing a couple of other kids in the year is a huge benefit when you start school.

I hope you and he both enjoy it.

Original poster

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 11:47

I can't imagine me ever enjoying it :(
Hes my little buddy and we have a great time everyday but lots of his friends are due to start either April like him or September so obviously our days would be changing soon anyway.
It's only 3 hours a day although is 5 mornings a week as its the school one but I think / hope he will cope with it okay.
Just me that wont!
Although making sure I am very upbeat and positive about the whole thing to him

OP posts:

softlysoftly · 25/03/2014 11:52

Have you visited the nursery? Meeting them all and asking questions like the toilet one might make you feel better.

He will love it and it will be good for BOTH of you rather than going straight in to full school days. DD1 has been in pre-school for nearly 2 years (sept baby) and I never had an issue with it but long school days and being so strict about going is even looming over me so I think going straight into that would be too big a leap.

Aventurine · 25/03/2014 11:57

I think he'll be fine and benefit from it. Mine both started preschool at 2.5. For one it was fine, for the other, who was a bit more immature, it was too young. By the time they both turned three they were both ready and really benefitting from it though. I bet you end up thinking your son is benefitting from it once he is there and settled in.

Aventurine · 25/03/2014 11:58

PS. Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with him. He is a lucky boy.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 25/03/2014 12:04

It isn't obligatory and they don't need to go to ease them into school life. Reception does that. Dd went to preschool at 3.7 because she wanted to. She skipped in with narya backward glance. I sobbed in the garden where nobody could see.

Ds is due to start in September and I have no choice this time. I am dreading it.

weirdthing · 25/03/2014 12:04

My eldest never went to nursery or any childcare setting. He was nearly 5 when he started reception. He was old enough and well enough bonded to me to trust me completely when I said he'd have fun and I would be back for him after lunch. He could also read well, write, spell and do maths. He went on on his first day in reception without a look backwards holding the hand of a weeping girl who had been at the preschool two months before! All this preparing them from such a tiny age is nonsense to me. The secure child can go anywhere without fear and security is bred from a strong bond with parents or loving caregivers.

Joysmum · 25/03/2014 12:09

If he didn't go to nursery your youngest won't benefit from having 1 to 1 time with you as your oldest benefited from.

RobinSparkles · 25/03/2014 12:12

He'll be fine.

DD1 started Pre-school when she was 3 years and 3 months (June birthday and she started in September). She loved it and I was dying for her to go as she was so ready and I didn't feel like I was fulfilling her needs anymore. I felt like she needed more, iyswim.

DD2, like your DS, will be starting nursery just after Easter. She will be almost 3 years and 2 months. She needs to go, IMO. I'm a SAHM but she needs to get used to lots of other children and being left in that sort of environment before she gets to school. I don't want her to get to school and the noise and so many other children be overwhelming for her.

DD1 was a very confident and sociable child at that age and took to Pre-school like a duck to water but even she was a little shocked by the noise at lunchtimes when she started school. She really didn't like it at first but I feel that it would have been worse if she would have stayed at home with me until she went to school. She had just turned 4 when she started school.

olbasoil · 25/03/2014 12:16

Its really hard though isn't it. Ds4(3) has a place after Easter. He will love it which makes it easier, but even so...

smegley · 25/03/2014 13:12

My dd turns 3 on April 1st and will start nursery on the 7th.
I'm excited for her, it can be a wonderful start to a life long love of learning.
I hope everything goes well for your family.

WaitMonkey · 25/03/2014 13:21

My dc will be starting school in September, never having attended a pre school or nursery, he's outgoing, bright and I have no doubt he will do really well in school, just like my older dc, who also never attended a nursery. I didn't know that my children not attending a pre school made me wicked, thanks for that.

WaitMonkey · 25/03/2014 13:21

youarewinning · 25/03/2014 13:21

Just because it's the school,nursery and your entitled to the 15 hours does that mean he has to go all 5 mornings? If you wanted could he not do 3 mornings until summer, increasing to 4 and then 5 next year? You may find he wants to go everyday once he's settled! Some children just really enjoy it.

Not easy for the parents missing them though.

andsmile · 25/03/2014 13:22

...picture half a term into reception and you realise he is struggling to settle into routines within a school environment like putting coats on, lining up, taking turns etc. That you wished he had an easier entry...Learnig some othe basic literacy and numeracy stuff (the way the school want it done)

But all that said eek I feel it when i leave mine for two hours in creche whlst I study. But having said that she waves me off...

Plus you will get to meet all the other parents, otherwise you may (and I emphaise this as not everyone is the same) feel out on a limb when reception starts. - totally depends what your views are on school gate friendships.

When you pick him up he will have so much to share and show you stuff it will be a new dimension to your relationship. Plus ou can get on with potty training in peace, have a lighter load for 2 hours.

It good to recognise change though and anticipate this as one.

wimblehorse · 25/03/2014 13:29

Enjoy the opportunity it will give you for 1 on 1 time with your youngest.

I'm sure he will enjoy it (my ds1 loved his school nursery), but it he doesn't, then you have the opportunity to defer until September or remove him until ready to start school.

Most preschools expect children to be able to use the toilet by themselves (as the staff ratio isn't as high as with younger children) but are understanding of accidents/willing to work with parents & children to develop independence.

southbank · 25/03/2014 13:32

Waitmonkey-where on earth has anyone said a parent is wicked for not sending their child to preschool?!
Op is voicing her concern about her child going to nursery and posters have come on to reassure her it will be absolutely ok for both her and the child.
Just because you chose not to go down that road doesn't mean other people think it's wrong,personally couldn't give a monkeys what education choices others make for their own children,my dcs go to preschool and absolutely love it and they started at just over 3 yrs old and love everything about it even wearing their uniform which I struggle to get them to remove!

WaitMonkey · 25/03/2014 14:17

The op states, she will feel very wicked if she doesn't send her ds somewhere before school.

Op, he will be fine, don't worry.

Original poster

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 17:56

Thanks for all the replies.
I just feel I would be wicked not sending him and expecting him to cope full time next year in a setting hea never been in.
Although, obviously if he just doesn't settle at nursery this is what will happen
No idea how long the " settling in " period takes though

OP posts:

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