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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sick that my son got his nursery place?

57 replies

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 10:58

Well my son has got his school nursery place to start after the Easter holiday.
He is a September child so will be 3 years 7 months when she starts.
I'm a stay at home mum to him and his younger brother of 18 months and very rarely leave them wih grandparents so this is a huge leap for both of us.
Hea a pretty outgoing kid although gets quite shy around new people.
Am I worrying for nothing?
My instincts tell me he's too young, but reception is next year and will feel very wicked having not sent him anywhere prior.
Any advice?

OP posts:
mygrandchildrenrock · 25/03/2014 19:27

I work in a Nursery School and most children settle in very quickly, within a week or two, parents can take longer though!
If you don't want your son to start after Easter, you can always wait until September. Our January and Easter intake love September though when they are the 'big boys and girls' and help the new little ones, it does wonders for their self esteem.

MammaTJ · 25/03/2014 19:34

One day they will both get jobs, leave home and maybe even get married. That is the right and proper thing to happen.

In the mean time, every step they take is one away from their mums and it is our role to teach them how to do that in the best and most independant way possible.

Having said that, thay can stay home with their mums until they start school proper, they benefit greatly from pre-school though. Your youngest may well benefit from one to one time with mummy, like you eldest had in the begining. You might enjoy it too.

Whatever you decide though, is up to you, there are not likely to be long term concequences.

Supercosy · 25/03/2014 19:37

It is such a weird feeling when they go to nursery and, as you say, someone else is looking after them and they are part of a group. I remember that feeling well. However, they also get to make loads of new friends, try out all kinds of new things, play with different toys, get a tiny bit of independence.....and it is so lovely picking them up at the end of the morning! Also, you don't have to send him every morning. I used to send my Dd 3 mornings right up till she went to school because I wanted to spend time with her and relish those pre school days which fly by so fast.

LydiaLunches · 25/03/2014 19:47

2 of my autumn dds started in September, he could do that, he has been offered the place a little 'early' probably due to his age, mine could all have gone in January, one did and it was right for her.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 25/03/2014 20:01

You sound like a lovely Mummy and of course you will miss DS but it's only for a few hours each day and he will get so much out of it.
My sons nursery were very used to reminding the kids to use the loo, especially when they first started.
Give it a fair try for a half term at least, I cried buckets when DS started nursery and he's summer born so was only just 3. Within a few weeks he had made friends and loved it (was tired at end if the day though). It helped prepare him so that when he started Reception it was a very easy transition.

Original poster
Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 20:48

Many thanks again for further replies.
Yes they said he was offered it as one of the very eldest children, I thought best to accept it as its a very over subscribed school and they couldn't guarantee he would be offered another place come September.
They also said they don't do part time hours, so it will be Monday Friday 9-12 everyday, although this is better than the 12-3 slot which he may get some September as mornings are reserved for siblings they said.
I'm sure it will be fine, I will just miss him so much :(
Hes my little buddy and we have had a wonderful 3 years together all day everyday and it's such a shame it will soon be ending!
I wish they started education later :(
I will be persisting with it if it doesn't begin well although not sure how long, was going to give it a month

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 25/03/2014 20:58

How does he feel about going? Do you know any of the other children that will be in his class? My youngest dc was supposed to start but we put it back 6mnths after some awful settling in sessions. 6 mnths later, it is fantastic, dc runs in happily and loves being there-in those 6mnths we did lots of playing and coffee with mums/children from preschool and I stayed just sat in the background the first few sessions which really helped.

Original poster
Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 21:28

Some days he is excited about it and others he gets upset when he asks if I can stay and I say no I'm going ro get some shopping etc whilst hes there
Hes also asking why his brother doesn't have to go which I'm not sure how to answer.
I was going to pretend he was going to another " little school " but don't want to lie to him

OP posts:
LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 25/03/2014 21:32

Try not to worry about him settling in too much. My DS ran straight in on day one and never looked back! He was 3 years and 3 weeks on his first day, his days are 9am til 3pm, 3 days a week. He loved it there and still does, it took me longer to adjust than he did!
DD was much the same, eager to go and explore.
I was very worried about DS starting at nursery as he has health issues, but nursery just took things at his pace and he has flourished.
You will know very quickly if your DC is not ready, just let DC guide you. Have you done some visits?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/03/2014 21:35

OP I mean this very kindly but I think you are over thinking this hugely.

He will be absolutely fine, my experience is that children grow and blossom in a whole new way once they attend preschool.

When he asks about why his brother doesn't go, then you just say 'you are a big boy and this is what you do now - how exciting! Of course X (little brother) can't go too, he is still a baby but he will go when he is big like you are now'.

When you say that you will pull him out if he doesn't settle, think about what that will mean. He will then have to start school having had no experience of that type of setting - and you can't pull him out of school because he will be 5 so soon after he starts. Unless of course you would plan to home ed him.

You really need to get a bit of a grip here, for his benefit, and try and focus on the positives. He gets to learn to be a little independent from you, which is a good thing in readiness for school, and you get to have some one on one time with your youngest and develop your relationship with him.

It will be fine, honestly :)

Original poster
Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 21:48

Aliba you are right.
My logical side of me knows this, and I don't plan on home ed him unless obviously there was a major factor which meant this was the only option so I will persist with this although am trying to keep my emotional side in check and stay positive about the whole thing.
I've been at home since having him so am really not used to the idea of him being anywhere else / someone else responsible for him

OP posts:
HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 21:53

OP, I could have written your post this time last year. It had worked out brilliantly. Don't fret. It's good for him. You'll be astonished at how much he will get from the experience.

By the way, 3hrs a day is nothing. You will still face him for the other, what, 9hrs a day that he is awake? I pick DS up at 11.30 (starts 8.30) - it flies by!!

HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 21:55

Oops, I mean you will have him - not face him. Although that too I guess.

bobot · 25/03/2014 22:22

You know you don't have to send them anywhere until the term after they turn 5? You know your child best. However, my dd can be quite shy with new people but has really been looked after and blossomed at nursery - I'm glad she has been. If your child doesn't thrive, or you feel they're not ready, you can just take them out again and leave it til they're older?

waterrat · 25/03/2014 22:32

Surely reception is what prepares them for school?

I think it's a bit weird that we have a system where a mother feels her 3 year old needs to start preparing for school even though she is completely happy having her toddler at home

Op you don't have to send him - and if you don't want to send him five days couldn't you use the 15 hours free care in a private nursery instead?

And I say this as someone who has sent my own son to childcare from much younger than 3 - children are ready for school when they are ready - it's bonkers to plan ahead all the time

I think you should re think op - he will be absolutely fine starting school without nursery

waterrat · 25/03/2014 22:33

Just to add - I am sure your son will love nursery but you shouldn't feel you have to do this if you don't want to

HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 22:49

Reception did used to prepare then for school but now that the vast majority do nursery and a lot of schools have their own nursery, Reception isn't the trainjng ground for formal education it once was. The skills outlined above such as sitting still, lining up, listening, turn-taking, basic literary, dressing themselves are all taken care of in nursery and they are expected to hit the ground running by Reception.

3 hours a day is a nice taster. My DS (just 4) wouldn't want to stay all day (as some do) but he enjoys his session immensely. It gives us some variety and balance to our day. He is still with me the majority of his day.

Original poster
Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 22:55

It's more the time frame that worries me about him just starting straight in reception.
9-3 is an awfully long day I think for a child who's never been away from his mum really and certainly not in a school type of environment.
I chose the school nursery as quite liked the idea of his being used to the setting / environment and some of the children for next year
I do appreciate what you're saying though, I too say this to myself sometimes, why do we have to prepare children for school with reception, reception with nursery etc but I'm only attempting it as think its probably the kindest thing to do

OP posts:
HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 23:18

I know. DS had never had any childcare either. I too was very torn about it. We were (and still are) very bonded. I cried all the way home after I dropped him off on his first day. I totally get where you're coming from. But seeing them learn and develop is lovely. And having little friends...

But, really, it WILL be fine. And if it's not, just take him out and try again at another point.

Original poster
Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 09:23

Hopeless,
You are right
He doesn't have to be there and if it doesn't work out I have no qualms about removing him and trying again next year
Thankyou :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 09:25

Hopeless,
You are right
He doesn't have to be there and if it doesn't work out I have no qualms about removing him and trying again next year
Thankyou :)

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/03/2014 09:50

Hopeless I am very bonded to my children too, so are mothers who use childcare from a much earlier age. I don't think it is helpful to start equating the strength of the mother/child bond to time spent at home.

formerbabe · 26/03/2014 09:58

Op...aren't you desperate for a break or are you some sort of superwoman?

jellybeans · 26/03/2014 09:59

I was in same position, loved DS's company,very happy SAHM, and sent DS two mornings a week at 3yr 3m and then the year before school 5 ams. He hated it for few sessions but then loved it. I missed him loads but eventually enjoyed a couple hours to self. I am very glad he went as going to school all day every day would have been a shock to us both but we were 'eased in'. I would say def send him, maybe just two mornings a week, you don't have to use whole entitlement. Then when he settles increase to 5 sessions.

jellybeans · 26/03/2014 10:02

Sorry I have just read he will have to go 5 sessions right away. I actually found my DS settled more the more sessions he did. So I would go for the five.