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AIBU?

To feel sick that my son got his nursery place?

57 replies

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 10:58

Well my son has got his school nursery place to start after the Easter holiday.
He is a September child so will be 3 years 7 months when she starts.
I'm a stay at home mum to him and his younger brother of 18 months and very rarely leave them wih grandparents so this is a huge leap for both of us.
Hea a pretty outgoing kid although gets quite shy around new people.
Am I worrying for nothing?
My instincts tell me he's too young, but reception is next year and will feel very wicked having not sent him anywhere prior.
Any advice?

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Charlottehines · 27/03/2014 08:00

Yes sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier, especially for me if I had done it earlier, but really didn't want to have to keep making moves as thought it would be too much to ask for him to keep settling again which is why we went for the school nursery.
He should have been a few days off of turning 4 to start in the September but the place came up for after Easter and thought best not to turn it down as its a very over subscribed school

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lucy101 · 27/03/2014 05:25

My ds has been going from 9-12 5 days a week since he was 2.5yrs... and I have to say I think it has been brilliant for him. They do so much there and he tells me to go home when I drop him off! We still have loads of time together. I am also at the end of a really difficult pregnancy so it really has been a godsend. I am glad I will have that time to spend 1 to 1 with the new baby now while my ds is having a great time elsewhere.

Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 16:41

Thankyou for your kind words,
I really hope so!

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sisterofmercy · 26/03/2014 15:14

You sound like a wise and loving mum. I suspect you will find the strength to do this.

Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 10:46

Yes that it exactly what I plan on doing and luckily my husband has 1 day off a week midweek after the easter so I plan on collecting my eldest and taking him to a lesson ( possibly swimming / gymnastics ) that he can't do at the moment due to his younger sibling not being old enough

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MaryWestmacott · 26/03/2014 10:19

It will be the best for him, just possibly not for you!

Just try to focus on how fun it will be for him.

And then see if you can arrange some things for your DC2, any music or sports classes that are just for his age group that you couldn't do previously because your DC1 would be too old for them? Some real 1-2-1 time with DC2 should be good for you both.

Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 10:16

Formerbabe,
I'm 100% not a superwoman but no, I don't want or need the break.
I thoroughly enjoy being at home with born little ones and I'm terribly sad that my eldest needs to go.
We have lovely days every day and whilst of course children are children and can drive me to despair on the whole I'm totally happy with the way our lives are, so it's a real shame things have to change.
I've spoken to the school and they won't reduce the days unless the child is not setting / very distressed.
So they will if needs be but not just at the parents choice.

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jellybeans · 26/03/2014 10:02

Sorry I have just read he will have to go 5 sessions right away. I actually found my DS settled more the more sessions he did. So I would go for the five.

jellybeans · 26/03/2014 09:59

I was in same position, loved DS's company,very happy SAHM, and sent DS two mornings a week at 3yr 3m and then the year before school 5 ams. He hated it for few sessions but then loved it. I missed him loads but eventually enjoyed a couple hours to self. I am very glad he went as going to school all day every day would have been a shock to us both but we were 'eased in'. I would say def send him, maybe just two mornings a week, you don't have to use whole entitlement. Then when he settles increase to 5 sessions.

formerbabe · 26/03/2014 09:58

Op...aren't you desperate for a break or are you some sort of superwoman?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/03/2014 09:50

Hopeless I am very bonded to my children too, so are mothers who use childcare from a much earlier age. I don't think it is helpful to start equating the strength of the mother/child bond to time spent at home.

Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 09:25

Hopeless,
You are right
He doesn't have to be there and if it doesn't work out I have no qualms about removing him and trying again next year
Thankyou :)

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Charlottehines · 26/03/2014 09:23

Hopeless,
You are right
He doesn't have to be there and if it doesn't work out I have no qualms about removing him and trying again next year
Thankyou :)

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HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 23:18

I know. DS had never had any childcare either. I too was very torn about it. We were (and still are) very bonded. I cried all the way home after I dropped him off on his first day. I totally get where you're coming from. But seeing them learn and develop is lovely. And having little friends...

But, really, it WILL be fine. And if it's not, just take him out and try again at another point.

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 22:55

It's more the time frame that worries me about him just starting straight in reception.
9-3 is an awfully long day I think for a child who's never been away from his mum really and certainly not in a school type of environment.
I chose the school nursery as quite liked the idea of his being used to the setting / environment and some of the children for next year
I do appreciate what you're saying though, I too say this to myself sometimes, why do we have to prepare children for school with reception, reception with nursery etc but I'm only attempting it as think its probably the kindest thing to do

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HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 22:49

Reception did used to prepare then for school but now that the vast majority do nursery and a lot of schools have their own nursery, Reception isn't the trainjng ground for formal education it once was. The skills outlined above such as sitting still, lining up, listening, turn-taking, basic literary, dressing themselves are all taken care of in nursery and they are expected to hit the ground running by Reception.

3 hours a day is a nice taster. My DS (just 4) wouldn't want to stay all day (as some do) but he enjoys his session immensely. It gives us some variety and balance to our day. He is still with me the majority of his day.

waterrat · 25/03/2014 22:33

Just to add - I am sure your son will love nursery but you shouldn't feel you have to do this if you don't want to

waterrat · 25/03/2014 22:32

Surely reception is what prepares them for school?

I think it's a bit weird that we have a system where a mother feels her 3 year old needs to start preparing for school even though she is completely happy having her toddler at home

Op you don't have to send him - and if you don't want to send him five days couldn't you use the 15 hours free care in a private nursery instead?

And I say this as someone who has sent my own son to childcare from much younger than 3 - children are ready for school when they are ready - it's bonkers to plan ahead all the time

I think you should re think op - he will be absolutely fine starting school without nursery

bobot · 25/03/2014 22:22

You know you don't have to send them anywhere until the term after they turn 5? You know your child best. However, my dd can be quite shy with new people but has really been looked after and blossomed at nursery - I'm glad she has been. If your child doesn't thrive, or you feel they're not ready, you can just take them out again and leave it til they're older?

HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 21:55

Oops, I mean you will have him - not face him. Although that too I guess.

HopelessDei · 25/03/2014 21:53

OP, I could have written your post this time last year. It had worked out brilliantly. Don't fret. It's good for him. You'll be astonished at how much he will get from the experience.

By the way, 3hrs a day is nothing. You will still face him for the other, what, 9hrs a day that he is awake? I pick DS up at 11.30 (starts 8.30) - it flies by!!

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 21:48

Aliba you are right.
My logical side of me knows this, and I don't plan on home ed him unless obviously there was a major factor which meant this was the only option so I will persist with this although am trying to keep my emotional side in check and stay positive about the whole thing.
I've been at home since having him so am really not used to the idea of him being anywhere else / someone else responsible for him

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/03/2014 21:35

OP I mean this very kindly but I think you are over thinking this hugely.

He will be absolutely fine, my experience is that children grow and blossom in a whole new way once they attend preschool.

When he asks about why his brother doesn't go, then you just say 'you are a big boy and this is what you do now - how exciting! Of course X (little brother) can't go too, he is still a baby but he will go when he is big like you are now'.

When you say that you will pull him out if he doesn't settle, think about what that will mean. He will then have to start school having had no experience of that type of setting - and you can't pull him out of school because he will be 5 so soon after he starts. Unless of course you would plan to home ed him.

You really need to get a bit of a grip here, for his benefit, and try and focus on the positives. He gets to learn to be a little independent from you, which is a good thing in readiness for school, and you get to have some one on one time with your youngest and develop your relationship with him.

It will be fine, honestly :)

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 25/03/2014 21:32

Try not to worry about him settling in too much. My DS ran straight in on day one and never looked back! He was 3 years and 3 weeks on his first day, his days are 9am til 3pm, 3 days a week. He loved it there and still does, it took me longer to adjust than he did!
DD was much the same, eager to go and explore.
I was very worried about DS starting at nursery as he has health issues, but nursery just took things at his pace and he has flourished.
You will know very quickly if your DC is not ready, just let DC guide you. Have you done some visits?

Charlottehines · 25/03/2014 21:28

Some days he is excited about it and others he gets upset when he asks if I can stay and I say no I'm going ro get some shopping etc whilst hes there
Hes also asking why his brother doesn't have to go which I'm not sure how to answer.
I was going to pretend he was going to another " little school " but don't want to lie to him

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