To not want people to poo in my downstairs toilet?!

[Scornedwoman67]

I will start by saying I am a fairly relaxed person when it comes to the house. I like tidy, but am not obsessed about cleaning etc.
A few years ago, after my divorce, I bougt my current house & had a downstairs toilet installed. Because of space constraints, it is off the kitchen. I have a rule that basically it's only for No.1's. I sort of assumed that most people would realise that anyway, firstly because it is near the kitchen, and secondly because it isn't exactly soundproof
Anyway, a friend & her DH visited yesterday. I will add that he has history - he has on at least one previous occasion taken himslef upstairs & sat in that loo for a 'session' ( apologies if you're eating ) but yesterday he excelled himself. We were sitting in the lounge chatting & he disappeared out of the room. I went in to the kitchen a few minutes later & he shouted through the door to announce where he was. His DW rather nervously reminded him about my rule ( knowing what he is like, I suspect) to which he replied 'oh dear'.

Whilst I can see the funny side of it, I do think it is rude....or AIBU?!

I'm thinking of putting a bloody great big sign on the door now!!!!

But why don't you have a fan in there? I'm genuinely confused?

To be honest I'd find it strange if someone had a rule that I could only poop in one of their toilets.
I understand it's not soundproof but generally speaking people will go off to that toilet whenever others aren't around (I do anyway with whichever toilet if it's for a number 2 because I don't like others hearing me, but I think that's fairly normal?)
If someone did tell me I would obey their rules though, because it's rude not to.

However if he wasn't aware of the rule or the rule was explained to him quite a while ago (a week plus is enough for most of the blokes I know when it comes to household rules unless it's their own - in fact scratch that anyone man or woman, unless they have a particularly good memory).

I think your best bet is to put up a sign on the toilet or to slacken your rules a bit.
I'd also invest in one of those nice smelly sprays that you can press to get rid of the smell.
They are pretty bloody strong smelling to be honest but they do help. Plus it might be a deterrent as they are pretty feminine smelling and might put the husband off any future poopdumping in there.

Win, win I say.

You've clearly never known a woman with Crohns or IBS or Colitis Cake! Lucky you.

This thread is hilarious. the line about don't poop in someone else's home unless you're staying the night was a classic. But it's unrealistic it's not like a bowel movement can always be postponed I don't want to go into details but sometimes it can sometimes it can't.

I Also have a rule no poop in downstairs loo unless you are a child or a desperate adult who won't be able to run upstairs in time.

my downstairs loo is in between kids playroom and lounge.plus hallway where any guests coming through May catch a whiff of any particularly stenchy ones. Extractor no window.

Upstairs loo is larger so better for adults window and extractor and no danger of unexpected guests smelling nasty odours.

And you can't always be a guest who waits till they get home can you? It's unlikely you will go for poop in another's persons home unless you are desperate, people aren't being honest here. Am I to think you would dare pee in another persons home but god forbid poop no way Jose!

Perhaps all visitors should be issued with these to save any confusion about which loo to use

www.attendslifestyles.co.uk/attendslifestyles-incontinence-products-5/attends-faecal-pad-551.htm?utm_source=froogle&utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=551&utm_campaign=froogle&gclid=CLr-ub-yrL0CFQKWtAod8jYAaQ

These 'I can't cope with poo' threads seem to be a regular occurrence on Mumsnet. I find them very bizarre. What sort of host despises their guests or thinks they should be ashamed for a totally natural every day action?

It can't be good for you to hold your poos in for elimination at home only. I want my guests to feel welcome and relaxed in my house, so there are no rules about pooing. If I visited someone who made it clear that having an occasional (maybe ever 'random') poo in their house was unacceptable I'd not be visiting them again. Not because I am in the habit of saving poos for visits but because you never know when you might need a poo, sometimes you only realize half way through peeing. How excruciatingly embarrassing would it be to come out of the 'no poo' loo and have to apologise for an accidental poo. I can't believe that anyone would really want their guests (or workmen) not to be put in that sort of position.

I'm talking about fit and healthy people who go anywhere

That's exactly the point I was trying to make. I look fit and healthy, in fact in the grand scheme of things I am fit and healthy. Hardly anyone knows that I have IBS, so were I to be at daisys house, and have a sudden flare up (and it can happen without warning) I'd just be labelled as disgusting. I don't want to discuss my medical problems with people just so that I can have their 'permission' to need the toilet.

And fwiw, before I was afflicted with this hateful condition, I would have held on until I got home, and I'd probably have been on these threads saying 'oh, I can only use my own toilet' but the only way I could be sure of that now would be to never leave my own house. Which looks like an attractive option when I read a thread like this actually .

YABU.

The only behaviour worthy of comment here was the OP building a windowless toilet off a kitchen. . Amazed she even got permission for that.

You have my sympathies treaclesoda. I'm normally ummm regular but there are occasions when I am not (jet lag, not feeling well, any old reason really) and if I thought I was a visitor in a house where I couldn't use a toilet for what it is intended for, I would be very embarrassed and I wouldn't be visiting that person again.

Agree with nooka on everything she says. It is a natural bodily function and even the Queen poos and perhaps she isn't regular either! Also, I would find it a tad odd if visitors wandered off upstairs to a bathroom, we have a downstairs loo and do what you want in it. When people come to my house I want them to feel comfortable and at home, I do not want them holding their poos in and being worried to death what to do about that. To have loos just for certain things is very anal pardon the pun

You're not 'precious' or 'weird' or 'controlling' or any of the other OTT descriptors on this thread, and this guy is clearly purposely dumping turds in your downstairs loo to wind you up (and it's clearly working).

However, you are being unreasonable to think that everyone has the exactly same assumptions as you re: which loo is for what output.

It's also pretty unreasonable to expect people to stick a virtual neon sign over their head effectively saying 'I AM GOING FOR A SHIT' every time they bypass the downstairs loo and trudge upstairs instead for their ablutions.

I remember there used to be a building regulation that two doors [plus space in between!] had to separate a loo/bathroom from the kitchen/food areas. Maybe they had a point.....

A toilet directly off of the kitchen is rank. YABU for having one - the smell of poo while I'm in the kitchen would make me heave.

I was put off buying a house for that very reason.

You should keep it locked and direct guests upstairs to avoid the risk of a number 2 instead of saying only wees downstairs.

OP - it is hardly strange to be called 'precious', 'weird', 'uptight' and 'controlling' if you're basically trying to dictate where and when people should empty their bowels - anally retentive by proxy it sounds like.
YABU to install a loo that can't be used for what it is designed to be used for! Put a sign on the door saying 'please use loo upstairs' - not everyone knows they're going to poo, and it is deeply inhospitable of you to embarrass guests.

Regarding the regulations, you're wrong, it is always recommended ventilation be installed in a loo - UK government planning regs:

Mechanical extract fans

Any new kitchen, utility room, bath/shower room or WC with no openable window should be provided with a mechanical extract fan to reduce condensation and remove smells.

www.planningportal.gov.uk/permission/commonprojects/kitchensbathrooms/#Needforadditionalventilation

if you are worried stick a sign on the loo if you have visitors pretending it is out of order and to go upstairs.

Sounds a bad idea to have it straight off the kitchen. usually you need a lobby of some sort.

Must be horrible to have irritable bowel and need to go.

I must admit I am one of those who only poos at home. I wouldn't feel comfortable going at work.

also I think most blokes are more relaxed about pooing than we are but I could be wrong.

I prefer them to poo in the downstairs toilet. (because I never use it, and like to keep the upstairs toilet pristine for me!)

Is there no window or fan in the downstairs loo??

Ours is also just off the kitchen, but has a large window - which we keep open most of the day in case of smells.

You'd hate my house OP.

Husband owns his own building company and all his workers know that our house is a safe shitting zone if they are caught short because of neurotic, selfish customers who don't want their toilets contaminated by working class shit.

Men regularly race past me undoing their trousers after a frantic dash across town!

Yabu its a toilet....you use it for two purposes.

Separate point here and correct me if wrong.
If next to the kitchen I think you legally meant to have two doors between the toilet and kitchen.

OP you must look completely bonkers and controlling to your guests. I'm interested: how on earth have you acquainted them with your rules? Do you do it as they cross the threshold? Or as they stand up to go to the loo?

Poor buggers. They must be so embarrassed. You do know they will talk about your rules behind your back?

Kudzugirl I do find it incredible that people are so inconsiderate and rude. As if builders are somehow a sub species and shouldn't poo in their Loos.

It has never occurred to me to suggest that a builder should not poo in my loo if they are doing work in my house.

If I were a builder and someone told me I couldn't use the loo when I was there for 8 hours and needed to go, I'd be tempted to seal a ripe turd into an appropriate corner.

Posy, you clearly haven't read enough MN threads . Threads along the lines of 'A builder shat in my loo! The horror, the horror' come along with monotonous frequency.

TheGreathunt

You wouldn't believe some people. Clients who offer tea but ask builders to supply their own cups- still wondering about that one.

Life is hard enough for tradesmen at the moment without being made to feel second rate. On larger jobs a portable toilet can be installed even though some clients complain about that yet still don't want their bathroom or toilet being used. Oh and they complain when workers then have to leave the job to go in search of facilities.