To not want people to poo in my downstairs toilet?!

[Scornedwoman67]

I will start by saying I am a fairly relaxed person when it comes to the house. I like tidy, but am not obsessed about cleaning etc.
A few years ago, after my divorce, I bougt my current house & had a downstairs toilet installed. Because of space constraints, it is off the kitchen. I have a rule that basically it's only for No.1's. I sort of assumed that most people would realise that anyway, firstly because it is near the kitchen, and secondly because it isn't exactly soundproof
Anyway, a friend & her DH visited yesterday. I will add that he has history - he has on at least one previous occasion taken himslef upstairs & sat in that loo for a 'session' ( apologies if you're eating ) but yesterday he excelled himself. We were sitting in the lounge chatting & he disappeared out of the room. I went in to the kitchen a few minutes later & he shouted through the door to announce where he was. His DW rather nervously reminded him about my rule ( knowing what he is like, I suspect) to which he replied 'oh dear'.

Whilst I can see the funny side of it, I do think it is rude....or AIBU?!

I'm thinking of putting a bloody great big sign on the door now!!!!

Posy oh I am sure it might have crossed their minds. Poor buggers. Out in the freezing cold and rain.... Don't clients realise the effects a cup of hot tea has on a cold builders bowels?

You know that ad on tv for toilet cleaner or something, the one where the fireman says he is checking all the smoke alarms in the street and then asks if he can use the lady's toilet? That always makes me think of mumsnet. Every time I see it I think 'but on mumsnet people wouldn't be embarrassed by their loo, they'd be outraged that he could ask to use it!'

I am always perturbed that people would rather fill the air with horrible chemicals from a does not deodorise at all spray, rather than open a window and shut the door.

Pooing is perfectly normal. What is NOT normal is to have a bizarre set of psychosocial rules around what toilet you can poo in, and when you are allowed to. The very idea of thinking it's 'rude' to poo in a toilet that isn't in your house! Freud would have a bloody field day!

YABU - You'd have to "out" yourself as needing a number 2 by going upstairs...oh the shame!

I just feel sorry for builders doing work on some peoples houses. They get up at some godawful hour to catch as much daylight as possible, they don't probably have time to do their no.2's before leaving and picking up their workmates from all over the place in the van.

At some point they want to do that in a toilet (note - a toilet is where all this sort of thing takes place) and they get a sniffy owner who is not happy.

Dreadful, really dreadful. I don't care a damn who does what in my toilets! I'm not going to catch a disease from anything - think of pre-Victorian times where it was all chucked out the window from a bucket!

Sounds like your downstairs loo was a really bad idea. Too close to the kitchen, no ventilation, poorly sound proofed, smelly and embarrassing for visitors. Rip it out and have a larder instead.

How rude! I have bought builders their own giant Mugs and set up a tea point for them as easier (complete with biscuit tins!)

How about a little passive aggressive polite notice poem in there as a reminder?

'This toilet is for pee alone
You need a dump?
Then please go home.

The management'

eurgh
i wouldnt expect guests or workmwn/wome to poo in any toilet in my house. if they absolutely had to, due to ibs (please not due to tummy bug - just stay at home) i would hope they would stick a bit of bleach down afterwards at the very least.

OP ,yanbu!!I nearly had a panic attack when the new dishwasher fitter's apprentice asked to use the lavatory!

He was in there for ages..the fallout was unbelievable and I was so worried about the time span that I confess to later searching for drugs paraphernalia.

No adult (family and friends) would do their big business downstairs here,as there are no sprays in this house.Flowers and (madly) fruit and the smell of faeces do not mix,especially near a kitchen.

merci, do the permanent occupants of your household have to stick bleach down the loo after they've committed the nigh unforgiveable sin of crapping in it too? Or just lowly guests and even lowlier tradespeople?

clowns that is ace!

Where is he supposed to shit then? garden? Does his wife carry bags and a pooper scooper with her?

Alternatively remove the toilet and install a urinal. That will make it absolutely clear. Inconvenient if you don't possess a penis but at least it will be crap free.

To reiterate:
I need a 2nd loo. I have teenagers.

Its the only place it fitted

Anyone is welcome to use upstairs

I have never told anyone not to poo upstairs

He's not a workman he's a long standing friend

A window is not possible

And no. It's not illegal !!!

i would love them to, but no, its just me that cleans up shit in my house.

i honestly dont think i know anyone who would do this. it is a clear social rule, obviously it cant be a social rule for everyone or else you wouldnt get the different opinions on this thread.

www.thepsychologist.org.uk/archive/archive_home.cfm?ArticleID=2076&editionID=214&volumeID=25

interesting little article about poo

I can think of nothing more stressful than knowing that I MUST NOT need a shit while at a friend's house.

I mean, I'm not saying I actively store it up for when I'm going round someone's house, and in an ideal world I'd rather not, but sometimes you just have to. And you don't need to have a stomach bug to suddenly urgently need a shit.

OP -

A window is not possible
Well the regulations are that you should install ventilation - if not a window, a fan. Why don't you?

I'm sympathetic with th OP on this one, I hate people pooing in my house full stop. I know it is my issue and I deal with it but I really don't like it. I hasten to add I don't let my feelings be know to any of my guests and they are free to poo in whichever of my toilets they choose.

Being honest though I think people should take a little more care when choosing where to do their pooing. In my house our downstairs loo is just off the lounge by the front door. Our downstairs is pretty open plan so you come through the front door in to a small hall with a WC off to your left and then the main house is straight on through another door. Basically if you use the down stairs toilet you are literally 2 doors and 3 or 4 meters away from the sofa.
It can be quite embarrassing for people if they pop off to the toilet, do their poo and then as they come back in to the lounge their smell is wafted along with them! It's one of those don't make eye contact moments!

Everyone knows we have a bathroom up stairs and I even encourage it's use but it doean't seem to click with some / most people!

but thats just how everyone i know lives all the time so not stressful at all. its just a normal social convention that you dont crap in other peoples houses unless absolutely necessary. people mostly just poo once a day so its not like you suddenly get caught short. i know some people have medical problems and that is, of course, entirely understandable if they need to use your loo.

if we have kids over, they crap a lot more often in our loos. so children do, adults dont. must be learned behaviour, social convention.

its interesting that not everyone has this social convention though.

as an aside, in some countries there will be a separate 'public' and 'family' bathroom, which we kind of have in the 'upstairs' 'downstairs' loos.

YABU. OP you sound very uptight and rude, if they are a guest you should make them feel welcome not embarrassed.

It's simple really you either a) get a window, b) get a fan, or c) get some air freshener and if your worried about the noise get a radio or put egg cartons on the walls :D. Problem solved!

Some people have got more important things to remember than which loo they can shit in at a friends house.

Honestly I think it's a bit weird for an adult who knows their bowel pattern to take a poo off someone's kitchen. IBS, sure. Outside of this, strange.