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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother should give me the money back for this?

102 replies

morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:21

6 years ago I lent my brother my bike (under duress from my Mum to help him out). It was sitting in my mums shed, unused as I had bought it to use when I didn't have a car and then stopped using it when I did get one.

It was £279, plus however much on lights, helmet, and lock.

I then heard that he had 'ruined' it after about a year of use. From that I took to mean it had rusted through him not looking after it.

I am now in a situation where I don't have a car and so would like my bike back. I have asked for it back as even if its rusted, tires flat etc, I can still make something of it. My brother and Mum have stalled on this so I now believe the bike to have been stolen. (Despite me having given my brother a sturdy lock)

From what my Mum has said, he is annoyed at me "Making this all about money", which it is a little but mostly I just want a bike and given that I bought one for myself already, I dont see why I should pay out again for another one when he neglected to look after one that was loaned to him.

Even if this is about the money - because it was an awfully expensive bike to replace, AIBU?

OP posts:
Twooter · 23/03/2014 10:23

No yanbu.

HermioneWeasley · 23/03/2014 10:24

Nope YANBU. And never let him have use of anything again. And why is your mum allowing this?

ohfourfoxache · 23/03/2014 10:24

Yanbu. At all. He borrowed the bike, so it's his responsibility to make sure that you get it back. If it is unavailable then he should provide a replacement.

Original poster
morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:25

She doesn't want to get involved apparently...

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 23/03/2014 10:25

Sorry you're currently without transport, but unfortunately I think the time to take your brother to task for the return/recompense of the bike is long gone. If it was 6 months ago I'd be encouraging you to push for it, but 6 years ... Hmm

Original poster
morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:26

I waited so long because I believed the bike was still in existence.

OP posts:
Original poster
morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:28

Only now I see that its not even in his possession, I realise a whole new one will have to be bought. I had allowed for wear and tear but not the replacement of the whole bike plus accessories Sad

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 23/03/2014 10:29

Well I'd say you weren't being U if it hadn't been for the time lapse. Six years is a long long time to expect something back. So in the circumstances just let it drop. Or you could insist he bought you a second hand bike.

winkywinkola · 23/03/2014 10:30

Yanbu. Your property whether it sits unused for 1 year or 100 years. Same goes for how long you lend it to someone.

Cannot believe how little integrity your brother has. Never do him a favour again.

There really are piss takers in the world, aren't there?

AlansLeftMoob · 23/03/2014 10:30

If you heard that he had ruined it after a year then why did you wait another 5 to ask for it back? If you still had a car would you be asking for it back? I'm not saying you're being completely unreasonable, it was yours, but from his point of view it might look petty after so long.

Original poster
morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:32

I thought it was at his house/in his shed. I thought he might even still be using it (he doesn't drive). Never at any point in 6 years did they suggest it was gone or not available to have back.

OP posts:
TeaAndALemonTart · 23/03/2014 10:32

Have you asked him for it outright ie not through your DM?

Nomama · 23/03/2014 10:32

Well I can tell you that you will not convince them that you have a point. I have posted before about how my possessions were usually given away when I was a child, and expected to be given freely now I am an adult.

You can only state very clearly what you have said here: you bought a bike, you lent a bike you now have need of a bike again. If not for having lent it when your brother was in need you would still have a bike. It is not about money, it is about a bike. A bike your brother had and has, apparently, lost.

OK it was 6 years ago, but your brother wasn't honest with you and didn;t take care of your possession. To be honest this is probably more about you feeling used and ignored. I couldn't wreck anything I had borrowed and I doubt you could - that's why it bothers you so much.

Buy a second hand bike and all the bits and tell your brother, not your mum, she didn't borrow the bike, tell your brother that he needs to cough up, half would be a semi decent act on his behalf.

But don't expect anything to be given graciously, you will always be a grasping mare if you do ask and a soft touch for future 'borrows' if you don't.

TheSmallClanger · 23/03/2014 10:35

He should have given it back, but I think you are being unrealistic about the cost.

A 6-year-old bike which has spent a lot of time in a shed is not worth £279. If it had been in use for 6 years, it would likely be in need of replacement anyway, as £279 is not a high-spec bike.

Why didn't you ask for it back before? It sounds as if your brother has misunderstood the "terms" of this loan, which your mum may have something to do with. FWIW, my mum has form for engineering this sort of thing, and I just don't lend anything now.

Original poster
morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:39

I don't want the full cost price at all. It was only when I said the accessories cant have rusted that my Mum said it had been stolen. I asked for £100 and the replacement of accessories.

DP has suggested we NEVER leave anything of value at my Mum's ever again, as a few of my things have been gifted to people I have never met.

OP posts:
GandalfsBeard · 23/03/2014 10:39

Yanbu at all!
So what if it was six years ago and so what if it is about the money? He should have looked after the bike that belonged to you. He wrecked/lost your property and should replace it.
Don't bother helping him out again.

winkywinkola · 23/03/2014 10:42

Sound like your mum facilitates your brother too.

Lovely family you've got there.

I think your dh is right. Remove anything of value ASAP!

NigellasDealer · 23/03/2014 10:44

YANBU he should replace it and your mum should stop making excuses for him.

TheSmallClanger · 23/03/2014 10:45

No, don't leave anything at your mum's again. Your DP is wise .

Original poster
morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:49

I am a bit sad really as I never expected this of him. I expect there have been lots of conversations between them about helping me out with replacing it. But I haven't heard any response from my texts/calls and really its not 'helping me out'. Its just the right thing to do to replace something you broke, isnt it?

Definitely re-evaluating things...

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 10:50

Yanbu, if it was stolen why didn't he tell you so you could report it stolen and possibly claimed on home insurance.

Maryz · 23/03/2014 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finola1step · 23/03/2014 10:53

I think you are right to re evaluate things.

FWIW, if it was stolen surely they would have told you sooner. Bikes do get nicked all the time. They also get sold. Which I think is what has happened to your bike as all the accessories have gone too. Sorry.

BeckAndCall · 23/03/2014 10:54

You're kidding, right? He borrowed something SIX years ago which you knew was 'ruined' FIVE years ago and you're taking this up with him NOW?

I'm with him on this one - if you didn't care about it for the last five years, why should he care about it now?

The ideal outcome of course is that he buys you a new one. Or pats someone towards it.

If you lend someone something new, and they use it fora year, it's not going to be in the condition it was when you lent it to them anyway, is it?

Birdsgottafly · 23/03/2014 10:56

I agree that to much time has lapsed for you to have a right to compensation.

It's one if them things that sometimes happens in family's.

Like expecting free storage for six years.

How much would it of cost you to store the bike?

If you really want costs back, work out the cost of the bike - depreciation and deduct the cost of storage.

You may owe your Brother money, though.

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