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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother should give me the money back for this?

102 replies

morefalafel · 23/03/2014 10:21

6 years ago I lent my brother my bike (under duress from my Mum to help him out). It was sitting in my mums shed, unused as I had bought it to use when I didn't have a car and then stopped using it when I did get one.

It was £279, plus however much on lights, helmet, and lock.

I then heard that he had 'ruined' it after about a year of use. From that I took to mean it had rusted through him not looking after it.

I am now in a situation where I don't have a car and so would like my bike back. I have asked for it back as even if its rusted, tires flat etc, I can still make something of it. My brother and Mum have stalled on this so I now believe the bike to have been stolen. (Despite me having given my brother a sturdy lock)

From what my Mum has said, he is annoyed at me "Making this all about money", which it is a little but mostly I just want a bike and given that I bought one for myself already, I dont see why I should pay out again for another one when he neglected to look after one that was loaned to him.

Even if this is about the money - because it was an awfully expensive bike to replace, AIBU?

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 23/03/2014 14:02

Maryz - I'm with you, personally, I'll pay their first month's rent and deposit if they have been out of educaiton for more than a year, wave them off and leave them to it.

But then I can't see that i'll keep the large family home once my DCs have grown up, I'm not keeping a house that's larger than my needs in order to subsidise another adult's lifestyle or provide free storage. Even if that adult is my DC.

Suttonmum1 · 23/03/2014 14:06

I have a bike purchased for about that £279 in my garage, with accessories. It is in perfect condition. Not used that much (family holidays mainly) but it hasn't rusted away. Purchased about 6 years ago too.

Also in garage was relative's bike which we stored for years, not threw away!

YABU not to have chased it up, but your brother owes you something.

ivanapoo · 23/03/2014 14:11

If it makes you feel better OP, my parents lent their car (In great condition and their pride and joy), to my granddad as he needed one and they didn't really use it (they were broke and struggled to afford to run it).

My granddad lent it to my uncle without asking, and my uncle sold it. For scrap.

Didn't even give my parents the money he got for it!

Original poster
Morefalafel · 23/03/2014 14:17

That actually made my heart sink ivana. How sad for your parents Sad

OP posts:
winkywinkola · 23/03/2014 17:37

So what happened, Ivanapoo? What there an almighty row?

ferretyfeet · 23/03/2014 17:55

If you borrow something you should return it,does'nt matter how long ago it was lent.People seem to treat other people's possessions very casually nowadays

ivanapoo · 24/03/2014 21:40

I know falafel I get a bit sad and angry when I think about it myself!

I'm not sure winky, it's all second hand info and my parents always played down any reaction they had to it, maybe for their sanity's sake.

It all happened before I was born by which time my granddad was dead (maybe just as well as I'd have given him what for!) All I know was that they forgave both parties, eventually.

My uncle was the youngest and could do no wrong in his parents' eyes so I think they were conditioned to expect entitled behaviour from him.

mercibucket · 25/03/2014 07:51

a bike that price would probably last about a year if used daily and for the odd proper 'mountain' trip out. the metal on them is pretty cheap these days
so once it went to your brothers, its days were numbered
if you wanted it back in one piece, waiting 6 years was ridiculous
by waiting that long, you have in effect given it to him anyway

half our bikes have been nicked, even when locked, again an occupational hazard of cycling everywhere

no doubt your mum didnt really value the bike as you do and passed that attitude on to your brother

you all sound unreasonable

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 25/03/2014 08:14

YABU. I see your point but it's too late. Buy yourself another bike and don't let it out of your sight. Then forget it - your bro is being a bit entitled but you are making a big fuss about a very old bike! It is only a bike and not worth falling out over.

eddielizzard · 25/03/2014 08:18

yanbu

it was clearly a loan not a gift and he should give you the original bike back or an equivalent replacement. when he had it he was responsible for it. it got stolen through no fault of yours and so he must replace it.

i don't see what the length of time has to do with it. if anything you're very generous for having loaned it to him for that long!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/03/2014 08:37

Are you both quite young?

I can imagine if your brother is living at home, he was a teenager when you lent him the bike. TBH, if I'd 'lent' my teenage brother a bike, after six years it would be 'you were an irresponsible pest five years ago when you lost that' not 'you owe me it back now'.

If you're both adults then you should have had a proper agreement - either you were giving him the bike, or you were lending it and expected it back.

He ought to give you some money and neither of you ought to be communicating via your mother which is hardly going to make you both behave like adults, is it?

Bogeyface · 25/03/2014 08:50

He's sold it, thats why he is "making it all about money" because he got money for it!

UncleT · 25/03/2014 08:54

Sorry, but the timescale is ridiculous. If you lent it six years ago and knew it was trashed five years ago, but didn't say anything at all, then it's reasonable to suggest they assumed you didn't give a crap. On paper you're right of course, but this isn't a question of whether it's technically, legally your debt to call in, rather it's a question of whether it's reasonable to recoup at this stage. If you were bothered, then car or no car you should have said so when you found out it was in poor condition five years ago.

AnUnearthlyChild · 25/03/2014 09:10

a bike that price would probably last about a year if used daily and for the odd proper 'mountain' trip out. the metal on them is pretty cheap these days

This.

Cheap modern bikes generally do not last if used regularly, even if kept indoors. Even a good quality bike if used daily in all weathers for 6 years would probably need new tyres, chain, saddle, brake and gear cables, brake blocks and handlebar grips/tape by now.

Go and buy a secondhand decent bike, and never lend either of them anything again.

wheresthelight · 25/03/2014 09:17

i am afraid i agree with the posters who say you YABU due to the length of time you have ignored this. If it was 6 months ago then I would fully agree that your brother needs to pay you for the bike, the fact that you have left it for 6 years means you have no claim to any money now i am afraid.

Learn from this and move on

MajorGrinch · 25/03/2014 09:27

I think it's going to be hard given the amount of time that has elapsed. If you'd asked for it back 5 years ago you'd have had a better case.

If I'd lent someone something 6 years ago It'd be written off as an "unwitting gift" by now - I'd be absolutely gobsmacked if I got it back, or any form of recompense.

I'd ask him to contribute, but don't be surprised (or disappointed) if you get nothing...

pluCaChange · 25/03/2014 11:09

Blimey. My bike cost 40, probably nearing 15 years ago

Nataleejah · 25/03/2014 11:26

Tell your mum you just need a new bike

SybilRamkin · 25/03/2014 14:31

"a bike that price would probably last about a year if used daily and for the odd proper 'mountain' trip out"

Erm, you don't sound like you know anything about bikes if this is what you think! I bought my bike 5 years ago, have used it to commute 16 miles every working day since then plus weekends spent zipping about on it, and it's still in marvellous condition! And I only get it serviced once a year.

SybilRamkin · 25/03/2014 14:34

Meant to add, my bike cost less than £300 too.

TheZeeTeam · 25/03/2014 14:53

If he lost it 5 years ago, I think you need to get over it and just buy a new bike. I wouldn't fall out with my family over a bike I hadn't seen in 6 years.

GingerMaman · 25/03/2014 15:12

Yanbu, but I would never dream of asking my brother for something back, I love him too much.

LadyVetinari · 25/03/2014 15:26

YANBU, OP, but it sounds like the best you can hope for is a Pyhrric victory so you may as well start searching the second hand sites for a replacement bike, and bear this experience in mind for the future.

I'm also bemused by the low expectations of previous posters regarding the durability of bicycles - I can only presume that most of them don't understand that bicycles need to be kept under cover when not in use? Mine cost £10 second hand, had previously been used 5 days per week for commuting for over a decade, and looks a bit shabby but is in excellent nick. The only things I had to replace when I bought it were the tyres and brake pads. I will cry if I ever have to dispose of it Grin.

The attitudes displayed by most of the posters on this thread serve as a welcome reminder of why I hardly ever lend things...

MoominMammasHandbag · 25/03/2014 15:42

Feeling your pain OP. Many years ago I bought a gorgeous, Pashley style bike with a basket on the front, in British Racing Green, from an old bloke. it had been his late wife's pride and joy and was absolutely immaculate.

When my Mum saw it, she immediately coveted it, and begged a loan while I was pregnant/DS was a baby. When I asked for it back after a year or so, she nonchalantly informed me it was now a rusting heap as she had left it outside in the garden (couldn't be arsed to make room in the shed).

Same with a lovely teeny tiny Raleigh belonging to DS that we lent to DSis for her boy to learn on: they left it outside so we never got it back for DD.

People don't respect bikes. Don't lend what you don't want to give.

mercibucket · 25/03/2014 16:18

oh i know lots about bikes!

dh commutes plus goes out at weekends on his 2 bikes. the cheap bikes last a year before everything buckles and it is cheaper to buy new than replace. they usually get nicked at least once a year

we cant store ours indoors as we dont have a parent nearby whose garage we can use Grin