To have hung up on not so DP!

[Zatch]

I am fuming! So not so DP flys home tomorrow ridiculously early after working away. So today we get a chance to have a chat over the phone and ds gets to hear his voice.

Whilst on the phone he refers to me as 'mate'. I respond with I am not your mate I am your partner.
This is an on going issue as he uses it in a negative/condescending manner eg ' nah mate I don't think you'll be doing that' or if he's fed up/bored with topic replies with 'whatever bud' .

Its not all the time but often enough to pick up on.I am not one of his bloody dumb assed mates. I find it so insulting. After repeated request/discussions of how it winds me up and makes me feel he continues to do so and that I'm over reacting. Other wonderful phrases such as 'calm down would ya' and 'take a look at yourself' (when arguing) are triggers for me to see red.

So after the 'mate' I asked once again can you not? Can we remove it like the calm down etc? And he replies with very condescending 'nah mate'. So I hung up.

There's certain things/tones I've said that annoy him and I've respectfully stopped/found alternatives.

I've had a shite w/e so far (migraine) and was looking forward to have him home. Now all I can think is how bloody hard would it have been to just apologise for using mate instead of winding me up even more. Grrrrrrrr!!!!

[Zatch]

Yeah, would cost maybe $50 at most to catch bus to train then train to home. Refuses. Just been sent -

'See you tomorrow one way or the other xo'

I still plan on gym, dance is tomorrow. Should be fine, he usually sleeps all first day. He will spend a ridiculous amount on a cab !!! When I pinch every penny we've got. The gym/dance is they only things I do for me. We've no support network here, so it's me and ds 24/7 for a month at a time. So getting an hour with ds in crèche is so precious and I hate that's he threatening it. I'm almost certain he won't follow through or at least not for long.
I'm so not up for this shit.
Thanks for letting me vent and the advice guys. Wish he wasnt being a twat

[ohfourfoxache]

Well he can fuck off with the "informing" you bullshit for starters - that would wind me right up.

Has he always been so dictatorial?

[OnlyLovers]

My DP would not do this. He would not expect me to pick him up from an airport at the crack of dawn.

He would definitely not tell me I was 'not to go' to an activity.

Stick to your guns, OP.

[Calloh]

But how can he stop you going?

Seriously, I am not trying to be obtuse. What is he going to do?

You want to go to the gym, you've paid for it, you have child arrangements in place. Exactly what can he do?

If he can not see reason and does not apologise and totally accept that his behaviour is bullying and actually fucking awful then I think you should seriously think about things.

[Ilovexmastime]

I recently had a business trip where I needed to fly. DH offered to drive me to the airport, leaving at 9.30am. It would have been an 8 hour round trip for him. I told him not to be ridiculous, and although I appreciated the offer I would hire a car and drive myself there and get a train back (too tired to drive on the way home!).
Your DP sounds very entitled to me.

[Zatch]

We just bought a house in a town 3 hrs from family and an hr from closest friend.

His childhood wasnt the greatest but neither was mine, both have split families and history of abuse.

He really is just being a child over it, but we're as stubborn as each other. Usually it's me that has to make the first attempt to fix a fight etc unless I've moved to spare room then he comes to me.
I don't know what to do, I cringe at spending so much on a cab. It's so wasteful. I know he's trying to guilt me into coming...?

[HannerHet]

He sounds like a knob!
Can't believe he is telling you 'your not to go' to your activities! Does he usually tell you what your allowed to do?
I would be furious, actually quite angry on your behalf. He has no respect for you at all, get rid

[HannerHet]

Your thinking about going to get him aren't you? I would bloody well make him wait if you do. He can sit in the airport for 3hrs and you leave at 7am not 4am?

[EvenBetter]

he sounds like a fucking psycho 'you won't be going to the gym, you can forget that.'-who the fuck does he think he is?
Are you not married to him, but have bought a house together?

You only get one life....

[gamerchick]

How old is your child? Not at an age where he's looking forward to his dad coming home I hope :(

It sounds as if there is more going on than this name thing.. trying to take away something you enjoy as punishment for something isn't really a good sign of a healthy, happy relationship. Then tit for tat isn't all that good either.... 'stop pushing my buttons or i'll not do that'.. 'well then if you don't do that then i'm going to stop you doing that' and so on.

This argument you're in the middle of has the potential to explode to the point that neither of you will remember why you started it in the first place, especially if you're both as stubborn as each other.

Then your child in the middle of the tense atmosphere and possible arguing.

Take a step back, take a breath and compromise on the argument in the short term on the proviso that you must have a proper sit down talk about things later on after he's home and settled. Put the argument on the back burner for the minute type of thing.

[Zatch]

Can't actually stop me, might hide car keys or something stupid but we can walk its not too far I don't think.

He wasnt like this so much before ds, can only recall one or two incidents pre ds and I just did my own thing anyway and left him fuming. But I was working 2 jobs and had my own life/friends then.

[Calloh]

Is he playing some screwed up power games? You seem to work bloody hard to save money - does he acknowledge it and your role?

Sorry, probably being nosey. Apart from this are you largely happy in your relationship?

[angeltattoo]

He's been away from his child for a month, and instead of looking forward to some time alone with him while you go to the gym, you'd have to drop DS in a crech instead?

[DorothyBastard]

What a selfish individual. Give it a few years and your DS will pick up on and emulate his selfish ways and treat you horribly too.

[CailinDana]

If my DH called me "mate" on the phone I'd assume he was with someone else and was trying not to let them know he was in a relationship.
Why doesn't your DP look after your DS while you're at the gym?

[Zatch]

Crèche is pre poked and paid for. It's only for an hour or so. He sleeps the first day, due to flying overnight and working 28 days straight with one half day off.

Ds is 13months.

Not overly happy, but both agreed that we needed to work on it. He's happy with how we are, I'm not. I feel like his mum/housekeeper/mother of child. Want to work on all of it but starting to think he's going to say its all in my head.

[angeltattoo]

Mooncupmadness - I didn't mean OP should be looking forward to spending time with NP (nobber partner), but that NP should be looking forward to seeing DS. Therefore OP should be able to go to and enjoy her gym/dance whilst NP looks after his child.

See OP says he'll be sleeping. Don't you dare not go to the gym on his say so!